Thoughts

thoughts

Folder: 
koibito

from long before the sun rises
'til long after the sun sets
my thoughts
from waking 'til dreaming
are often of  you

of making you smile
of making you laugh
and even
of making you cry
with words meant
to draw feeling

not of viciousness
or of cruelty
but of  feeling
and connecting

of being together
though thousands of miles
are between your heart and mine

we're beneath the same sun
the same stars

distance is only
a measurement

and thoughts
can cross a universe

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Bittersweet

Folder: 
Confliction

The salt burns the open wounds

Wounds you never knew you had

Scars you thought had healed

It burned because it was real

It stung because it was needed

Like setting a fire for warmth

Holding old snow because it was pretty

You had wished for it

You had wanted it

And now that it is there for you

You don't know what to do with it

Do we put the fire out and clean the snow

Or do we let it burn and embrace the cold? 


Mind

Merciless in deed

in blade

in grin.

Flowerless in garden,

of an overgrown grass.

a secret path

but only a room

alone is the key

the doors on the floor.

But you have to be able to fly.

Theres a place.

A mention made

in passing.

And now to desert

all the dry

countless and small

no matter the sky stays with us.

doubtless your in the room.

enjoy the time

ancitipate the death

for then all love will be thine

after releasing the burden of breath.

suddenly

suddenly you're this person, this 'adult'

and suddenly you're talking to younger persons

the way you remember grown-ups

talking to you when you were a kid

and it's all happening so fast

and it's all so scary and unknown

 

and suddenly you feel proud about your job

(even though it's nothing like you ever imagined)

even though the unfulfilled dreams of

what you originally 'wanted' to do

is all that fills your sleepy head at night

and sometimes you have nightmares

about never doing anything good

or artistic or honest

but they leave your mind as soon as you wake up

 

and sometimes suddenly you wonder what you're doing here

why are you setting an alarm

why are you checking your email

why are you dressing up for that meeting

why are you mixing too much sugar into your coffee

 

this isn't 'it'

this isn't anything

 

sometimes suddenly you remember those nightmares

sometimes all the caffiene you consume leaves you nauseous

sometimes you get sad and it makes no sense

to anyone else but you

 

and you want to run

and maybe hide

mostly just so the nightmares will stop

but also because you know you have

something to contribute

but you just

don't know what it is yet

Her Perspective

I found a girl, and saw her perspective
Silent, yet surprisingly reflective
They claimed she was away, entirely defective

But I knew otherwise just from the look in her eyes
I saw through the silent, and closed off disguise


And from there, I saw the immediate connection
Completely dissected, but still searches for true affection

 

Her warm, yet crooked emotion
A calmed, yet broken devotion

 

Silent, but struggling for her sound
and yet, still not a face found

 

Her skin torn, gone and rotten.
Her mouth stolen, words lost, ignored and forgotten.

 

She was exposed to all of the morbid things
Corrupted lies, and uneven broken wings

 

All she wanted to know if happiness was true
This is what I saw, this was the girl I knew

 

And she left sudden, without a word,
Her existence she seen was too blurred

 

Before I could realize, she was gone and done
Did you ever wonder what life can become?

 

All she wanted to know if happiness was true
This is what I saw, this was the girl I knew..

Enter My Fear

All of the welcoming emotion suddenly dies.
and the darkness shrouds the land in only misery's cries.

 

Enter grief!
A timeless ocean. 
Trapped of despair, trapped without relief
Enter the moon!
Endless racing of the thoughts.
Including you alone, trapped dead inside an empty room

The dead is holding you stiff once more!
Staring into your eyes, never have you felt so gone before

The time comes again, to pit against all that is you
Will you ever find the part of you that is actually true?

Paint the sky bleak
Consider everything we cannot speak

The one painting with the sun I painted as a child is lost.
Reality has broken the barrier, this is the ultimate cost



 

What It Is

I feel like every single thing is like a mind game,  played and laid out for me

I can't feel a single thing, like I'm not blind, but I still can't see

 

What is it really? Perhaps it's not that important?

Tell me what it is, or is it just my own comportment?

 

I have walked in the very things I've looked down upon

What I once thought was selfish, now I too am wrong

 

and now there is blood all over my hand

But I have no idea why, I just don't understand

 

This is a complication called the human mind

Irony, double standards, hypocrisy, A place to be so blind

 

To wallow and loop in this thick puddle of shame

For the mistakes commited, I fairly wore the blame

 

Knowing is the beginning is something I suppose

It's better to learn, rather than to find it to oppose.

 

So I guess I'll take my feelings and throw them to the floor

I'll leave you where you originally were, trapped inside a closed door

 

And you can echo your goodbyes

as you embrace yourself to the ink of sheer ignorance and sighs..

I Have an Unknown Friend

I have an unknown friend, who lives in the sky

Why I question him, I do not know why

I should not go to look for him, they say

But I know he'll want to look for me someday

I wonder, I ponder, even as I sleep

I dare not awake, for I have gone too deep

But again, the sun calls to another abrupt wake

Alone again, to find an answer for my sake

I take another step foward, for this I will fight

Forever wrapped in this question, how it echoes through the burning light








What is Okay?

Tell me, is it ever really "Okay?"

At times I wish I could disappear, away from the day.

 

Tell me, was it really all a mystery?

Or was I really something plagued by history?

Judge me, try to reason my scars,

Yet, were you there for  my unreasonable wars?

 

Did you ever set foot in my shoes?

Taken account of what brings the blues?

 

Tell me, does it really matter?

If I was any more the sadder?

Perhaps it's just my business, only my trouble.

Not another place to intrude into my bubble.

I'll solve my self alone, and myself alone only

Not for you to break my silence, maybe tonight, I'd just like to be lonely.

 

Blame my shortcomings for my scars if you dare.

For me, it just occurred, the past isn't something I ever chose to wear.