from long before the sun rises
'til long after the sun sets
my thoughts
from waking 'til dreaming
are often of you
of making you smile
of making you laugh
and even
of making you cry
with words meant
to draw feeling
not of viciousness
or of cruelty
but of feeling
and connecting
of being together
though thousands of miles
are between your heart and mine
we're beneath the same sun
the same stars
distance is only
a measurement
and thoughts
can cross a universe
The salt burns the open wounds
Wounds you never knew you had
Scars you thought had healed
It burned because it was real
It stung because it was needed
Like setting a fire for warmth
Holding old snow because it was pretty
You had wished for it
You had wanted it
And now that it is there for you
You don't know what to do with it
Do we put the fire out and clean the snow
Or do we let it burn and embrace the cold?
Merciless in deed
in blade
in grin.
Flowerless in garden,
of an overgrown grass.
a secret path
but only a room
alone is the key
the doors on the floor.
But you have to be able to fly.
Theres a place.
A mention made
in passing.
And now to desert
all the dry
countless and small
no matter the sky stays with us.
doubtless your in the room.
enjoy the time
ancitipate the death
for then all love will be thine
after releasing the burden of breath.
suddenly you're this person, this 'adult'
and suddenly you're talking to younger persons
the way you remember grown-ups
talking to you when you were a kid
and it's all happening so fast
and it's all so scary and unknown
and suddenly you feel proud about your job
(even though it's nothing like you ever imagined)
even though the unfulfilled dreams of
what you originally 'wanted' to do
is all that fills your sleepy head at night
and sometimes you have nightmares
about never doing anything good
or artistic or honest
but they leave your mind as soon as you wake up
and sometimes suddenly you wonder what you're doing here
why are you setting an alarm
why are you checking your email
why are you dressing up for that meeting
why are you mixing too much sugar into your coffee
this isn't 'it'
this isn't anything
sometimes suddenly you remember those nightmares
sometimes all the caffiene you consume leaves you nauseous
sometimes you get sad and it makes no sense
to anyone else but you
and you want to run
and maybe hide
mostly just so the nightmares will stop
but also because you know you have
something to contribute
but you just
don't know what it is yet
I found a girl, and saw her perspective
Silent, yet surprisingly reflective
They claimed she was away, entirely defective
But I knew otherwise just from the look in her eyes
I saw through the silent, and closed off disguise
And from there, I saw the immediate connection
Completely dissected, but still searches for true affection
Her warm, yet crooked emotion
A calmed, yet broken devotion
Silent, but struggling for her sound
and yet, still not a face found
Her skin torn, gone and rotten.
Her mouth stolen, words lost, ignored and forgotten.
She was exposed to all of the morbid things
Corrupted lies, and uneven broken wings
All she wanted to know if happiness was true
This is what I saw, this was the girl I knew
And she left sudden, without a word,
Her existence she seen was too blurred
Before I could realize, she was gone and done
Did you ever wonder what life can become?
All she wanted to know if happiness was true
This is what I saw, this was the girl I knew..
Enter grief!
A timeless ocean.
Trapped of despair, trapped without relief
Enter the moon!
Endless racing of the thoughts.
Including you alone, trapped dead inside an empty room
The dead is holding you stiff once more!
Staring into your eyes, never have you felt so gone before
The time comes again, to pit against all that is you
Will you ever find the part of you that is actually true?
Paint the sky bleak
Consider everything we cannot speak
The one painting with the sun I painted as a child is lost.
Reality has broken the barrier, this is the ultimate cost
I feel like every single thing is like a mind game, played and laid out for me
I can't feel a single thing, like I'm not blind, but I still can't see
What is it really? Perhaps it's not that important?
Tell me what it is, or is it just my own comportment?
I have walked in the very things I've looked down upon
What I once thought was selfish, now I too am wrong
and now there is blood all over my hand
But I have no idea why, I just don't understand
This is a complication called the human mind
Irony, double standards, hypocrisy, A place to be so blind
To wallow and loop in this thick puddle of shame
For the mistakes commited, I fairly wore the blame
Knowing is the beginning is something I suppose
It's better to learn, rather than to find it to oppose.
So I guess I'll take my feelings and throw them to the floor
I'll leave you where you originally were, trapped inside a closed door
And you can echo your goodbyes
as you embrace yourself to the ink of sheer ignorance and sighs..
I have an unknown friend, who lives in the sky
Why I question him, I do not know why
I should not go to look for him, they say
But I know he'll want to look for me someday
I wonder, I ponder, even as I sleep
I dare not awake, for I have gone too deep
But again, the sun calls to another abrupt wake
Alone again, to find an answer for my sake
I take another step foward, for this I will fight
Forever wrapped in this question, how it echoes through the burning light
Tell me, is it ever really "Okay?"
At times I wish I could disappear, away from the day.
Tell me, was it really all a mystery?
Or was I really something plagued by history?
Judge me, try to reason my scars,
Yet, were you there for my unreasonable wars?
Did you ever set foot in my shoes?
Taken account of what brings the blues?
Tell me, does it really matter?
If I was any more the sadder?
Perhaps it's just my business, only my trouble.
Not another place to intrude into my bubble.
I'll solve my self alone, and myself alone only
Not for you to break my silence, maybe tonight, I'd just like to be lonely.
Blame my shortcomings for my scars if you dare.
For me, it just occurred, the past isn't something I ever chose to wear.