My burden

We all have our problems, some are small, whilst some are quite large, but they are all equal. We all cope and deal with these issues in our own ways, positive or negative, I write, journal, and study my bible, constantly. Especially when I worry about things, all of my burdens. It seems like now-a-days that's all we can focus on, the things that are wrong and terrible in our life. What happened when we were just a bunch of kids? When we had all of our innocence? Where did it go and where can I find it, that's really the only thing that we need again, and we lost it. It's funny, actually, losing what's most important to us. I guess we didn't know how valuable it was to us until we lost it.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A poem that I may never finish

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Nervous Wreck

I feel my hands start to tense

I try

To resist the shaking

The best I can but it's


I wonder what she must

Think of me

This beautiful woman

Who birds sing their

Most delightful songs to

Next to

This short shaking man

In some sort of mania

How can every word

Wind the fibers

Of my muscles

Like the chain of a bicycle


That underneath

The disguise of discomfort

Lying deep in a reservoir

Of rejection

Devoured trust

And hungry hearts,

Of episodes

That repeat

While most

Logically could defeat

Them before they

Completed High School

Lies my troubled thoughts

No hotline

Or drug can hide

This horrible soul

The way I can


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Fighting for Control

Just a thought!

Mumbling soliloquies, define my constant ambivalence

Questioning all decisions, seem to eclipse my every choice.

Actions I make, contend with options not taken,

Where is the smart guy, when I need him the most?

Daily struggles kick my ass, as I ramble on and on,

No answer was the right one, condemed at every turn.

When will my self esteem take control, when I am the smart one,

Will my selfesh alter ego ever learn?


Author's Notes/Comments: 

"Fighting for Control"

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Daddy's Girl

My heart aches, Dad

for the things you can't do.

My soul breaks, Dad

for all that we been through.


I fear it's too late, Dad

to mend my broken heart.

I'm so full of hate, Dad

I don't know where to start.


You took away my hope, Dad

i think our relationship is done.

And now I'm left to cope, Dad

As I watch you love your son.


I want to scream and yell, Dad

but i fear my vioce will crack.

I want so much to tell you, Dad

I can't always take you back.


Please tell my words, Dad

for they are all i can say.

Treat my like I'm yours, Dad

Don't just throw me away.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Daddy's Girl? What a joke.

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What is Okay?

Tell me, is it ever really "Okay?"

At times I wish I could disappear, away from the day.


Tell me, was it really all a mystery?

Or was I really something plagued by history?

Judge me, try to reason my scars,

Yet, were you there for  my unreasonable wars?


Did you ever set foot in my shoes?

Taken account of what brings the blues?


Tell me, does it really matter?

If I was any more the sadder?

Perhaps it's just my business, only my trouble.

Not another place to intrude into my bubble.

I'll solve my self alone, and myself alone only

Not for you to break my silence, maybe tonight, I'd just like to be lonely.


Blame my shortcomings for my scars if you dare.

For me, it just occurred, the past isn't something I ever chose to wear.


Why do infants die before they are born?

Why do spouses break vows that they have sworn?

Why do small kids stay hungry with nothing to eat?

Why are people to poor to stand on their feet?

Why are so many homeless on the cold hard street?

Why do children and wives, get abused and beat?

Why do young girls get pregnant but the dad's don't care?

Why do children get snatched up to God knows where?

Why do young men join gangs and start selling drugs?

Why do hospitals stop caring and just pull the plug?

Why do people say they love you when its all a lie?

Why do loved ones die before saying goodbye?

Why won't anyone point me in the right direction?

And why won't anybody... just anybody... answer my questions?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A bunch of serious questions

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Run Through

Running been running for so long
My wind is almost gone
But the problem is still right here
I hear the footsteps growing near
I cant hide
Its here all the time
So I now decide
I have to stand and fight
I cant see when the tears blur my eyes
I ve finally realized
That there’s nowhere to hide
So I ll fight with all my might
Even though there is no one with me
I cant let that get to me
It had the best of me before
the pain grew more and more
Always abandoned always alone
My hope seemed long gone
But I look around and see
That no one feels sorry for me
So I ll get back up to my feet
No more self pity for me
Didn’t need anyone then
Don’t need them now
I ran to despair with all my might
It never crossed my mind to fight
I was bruised hurt and bleeding
I wanted my heart to stop beating
I thought my life was threw
Thought I was done without you
Didn’t know what else to do
But no matter how far you run
The problems always come for you
I got no breath left to run away
So guess this time I am gonna stay
If I show my back again
That thing will not relent
It will tear me apart
And leave me lifeless in the dark
I ll be damnd if I let that happen
Didn’t come so far to let it end
I m not running away
I am running to
And then I am gonna run through
Run through the heartache
Run through the self hate
Run through the doubt
and take my problem out

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