emotional
consensus of hyssops
consensus of hyssops
don't interpret me,
language of false complaisance;
for we are humans
whether you like me or not,
to say you do is just fake—
Draw Your Pen
Life’s too short. Life’s too short.
The time to pursue your dreams is right now.
Life’s too short. Life’s too short.
There’s no waiting. It’s time to go.
What’s wrong? What’s the matter?
Are you alright? Please talk to me, okay?
Did you lose your home again?
Are your parents disowning you?
I’m here for you only if you let me in.
I cannot guide you, but I will be along for the ride.
They cannot put strings on you forever
If you find the scissors to cut them.
Your passions are only for you to decide.
Life on Earth could end tomorrow so why the fuck are you wasting your time?
You were born for adventure so you might as well draw your pen.
Life’s too short. Life’s too short.
The time to pursue your dreams is right now.
Life’s too short. Life’s too short.
There’s no waiting. It’s time to go.
There’s one thing that you need to know;
It’s to always keep an open mind.
You will possess such beautiful magic
If you would only take a chance.
The universe is so much bigger than we realize.
The sun will not last forever. It’s just a fireball that can burn out.
Marine life is going extinct and it’s all our fault.
Life on Earth could end tomorrow so why the fuck are you wasting your time?
You were born for adventure so you might as well draw your pen.
Life’s too short. Life’s too short.
The time to pursue your dreams is right now.
Life’s too short. Life’s too short.
There’s no waiting. It’s time to go.
How, And Why?
It's been a while since I've seen you, been a while since I've heard from you.
Your face is the one thing I can still see, and your voice is the one thing I can still hear.
Mentally, I saw you walking, but you passed me, and didn't notice I was there.
I tried to call out to you, but you didn't hear me.
Once, I thought I loved you, everyone else seemed to think I did too.
But all I felt went away very quickly, like I knew it would.
When I met you, I was happy, we talked almost always, and it was great having someone to talk to.
You were there, when he wasn't.
I appreciate and love you for that.
I've tried to picture what it would be like if I was with you, what it would be like if I was yours instead of his.
Would I be happier? Would I experience what I'm not right now?
So many questions, and so many answers which I haven't found.
Everytime I am alone, I feel some sort of sadness, some sort of emptyness.
Not that it completely has to do with you or him, but I think more to do with the loneliness I've been living with.
Making myself believe things could be different every time I find someone new.
But, you know how it goes, and how its gone for me.
How to walk away from something seems easy, but sometimes, people struggle even when they know they have to let go.
Being with someone new is something I almost don't want to do again.
I don't want to tell anyone else stories of my past, and how I once was.
I don't want to do things and not keep it to myself.
I've always been a quiet and reserved girl, I've always been you could say, overly careful about who I allow to touch me.
Doing things with him, I grew comfortable with, and something I became okay with.
Doing things with you, I've questioned, and thought of, something I would've had to grow comfortable and okay with.
Could I ever do things with you, can I see myself doing things with you, and would I ever see and hear you again........but this time, for real?
I look at how other girls live their lives, and sometimes think of how they handle being physical.
How do they allow themselves to give their all to one guy, and then another after some time has passed?
is there never any regret? Is there never any fear and doubt?
Where does the trust comfort and idea of being okay with it come from?
If things go wrong, how are they able to allow themselves to do it again, and with someone else who isn't meant to be their someone?
And off the topic I wonder, how was someone like you, able to seemingly fall for me?
I am a damaged broken record you see.
What is there to possibly like about me, how can one like me, and why?
Even after trying to be with someone for 5 years, I still don't know why he chose me........but then there's you.
Why did you pick me? why havent you given up? Why do you still wish to have me?
What is there, aside from the reason to do with my body, to like about a woman like me?
Emotional Ocean
There in front of me
Standing
With no way around
It hits me
Waves of pain and devotion
It's an emotional ocean.
There's a sanctuary outside of my mind
But my mind had me confined
Inside of this rhyme
Running out of time
To find
This peace that I must've left behind.
The Beast Inside...
The beast inside…
© 2017 SachikoMochiko " Sachi Ruaya
What’s worse than killing someone? Leaving them suffering alive. Now, whether or not they suffer is up to them…
Cracks…that’s how the light comes in.
You found that someone,
Who you deem; is the last piece of you
O’ but that one…that other one just "
…
How long will your grip hold?
It’s a dark feeling; jealousy
Where green, grey and black swirls weave your heart
Like steel, poison ivy
As your blood curdles and boils,
your red-laced eyes eyeball
That one who touched your precious
Your precious gem that you admire from afar.
Your precious one, who births a hazy warm chest.
Your precious half…the other fading half of you.
But you refrain from killing
And instead of making arrangements to prey,
You keep that one alive but suffering from your fangs
Your inner beast lurks inside,
already devoured half of you and yourself.
Its true form will not feast unless you do
Your fangs…its fangs bite, drawing thick, oozy blood
Of the one you hold captive in your prison
All for that one precious one, you shed blood
Your bite…your torture…your beast
Is a reflection of the steel, poison ivy
Is a being born from your selfishness…your jealousy
But you continue to feast even when you know
Know that this beast will soon consume your flesh, Bone-clean
Because pleasure will come from ones’ suffering
You are blinded by the beast; your scarlet eyes see no more,
the beauty of your precious gem…
Blurry. Vivid. Pitch-black.
You have lost sight of your intentions,
And your precious gem’s light is no more
Now, you know: You. Are. Devoured.
You sit there on the bottom of the beast’s stomach
Living with the pure darkness of your own
Alone. With your crackling, dry heart -unable to love
After all, you were just blind.
Destined to lurk in darkness.
Emptiness. Your skin slowly peels off from the dry darkness
Slowly…painfully, in this prison, the veil is ripped
Revealing something undeniably powerful
You.
The bleeding wounds of which the skin is peeled
Thus, shunned the lies and unveils the truth
The truth of you embedded inside -within the beast
…
The light suppresses the dry darkness
With your passion, memories, joy and love
You slice through the belly…striving for freedom once more!
Author’s Note:
This is one of the small fragments to ready one of my upcoming masterpiece. I will write more poems like this (having the same motivational force). WORRY is next.
© 2017 SachikoMochiko
Control.
Trust.
It was a given, though you should have earned it.
A mistake I keep repeating;
As if I am not learning shit.
Every.
Single.
Experience.
Now, deemed worthless.
But you tell me how I feel.
You can tell me if this is real.
Did I make this mess?
"Selfish".
Ridiculous, spitting words like this is a spelling test.
"Emotional".
Memento mori, you turned your back on me.
I'm a human fucking being.
Excuse me for grieving, the death of myself.
Banging on a cardboard coffin.
Hands bloodied, dont feel the hurt.
Don't think of all the dirt gettin in;
Make it up up to the surface,
don't let them win.
I can feel the grass and tug at it rough.
Crawling out, organs a mess.
"Not today, Satan"
I tell myself in a huff.
Tired of going through things.
I've seen enough.
Trying to avoid hurt.
Licking my wounds.
Not self consumed.
Begining to breathe now.
It's like I've forgotten how.
Throat full of earth, I throw it up.
Dust off my dress,
Memories of being alive with cough syrup.
Walking dead at this point,
barely breathing.
Simply trying to heal.
The coffin I left behind is real.
With a piece of myself in there.
"There lies a piece of Betty"
No one cares.
"A tenacious woman that always cared"
Now I'm up here.
Human being amongst people.
Fucking.
Scared.
Too tenacious to die, too emotional to be alive.
Simply trying to deal;
With things I should have never felt.
These are just the cards,
that I have been dealt.
One cannot control that,
But how they handle their hand.
I cannot control what life hands me,
but I can take a stand.
I refuse to me told how I feel,
My emotions are valid.
I am real.
I've got balls of steel;
They are just misplaced.
I am not something to be forgotten,
Something you can simply replace.
You mistreat me, or try to break me down.
I go Casper.
You don't find me anywhere in town.
I'm a woman, I deserve respect.
But, I get treated like a Leper.
A damn reject.
This mental illness is at the steering wheel.
I get barked at for this so much, I can no longer feel.
You want to control me?
Take a number.
You can't even handle me.
Picked to Pieces
The coating underneath
Eats away at surface cracks
You peel layers of me
As if I'm scabby flesh
We work on me
Like we're dissecting the abnormal
Pushing and pulling
Vulnerability grows
Haunting trails of voices
Linger in the open world
Soon growing hands
Upon my neck to grasp
Eyes too tired to be vibrant
You've given me a sorrowful glow
Dark truths, a halo for my head
Misery flaunts an awful tone
Despair
Ive struggled to find the real me, but ive managed to see the death of me. The struggle & pain is like a normal factor, while the happiness and comfort is just a dream. Im lost in this world called earth, its not where I belong. Im sinking & sinking in my unhappiness. Always giving preaches telling people what their doing wrong, and why they should fight. Such a hypocrite when I dont even want my own life. I've been sucked in to all these lies telling me their gonna do right but you never believe the spark in a devils eye. All these bullets, and guns people dying and shit. Make me wanna protect my momma & little sisters cause they dont need to see that shit. Ive came to the conclusion I dont fw 12 every since them mfs put my brother in jail. I just feel so unspoken, so unheard maybe Im tripping or Im just lost for the right words.....
Emotion
The speed of lust
The fury of pain
Pitch dark feelings
Wrapped in a ball of flame...
That’s emotion!
As the storm of sensation
And your heart collide
And it’s like the ocean
Bashing against the rocks at high tide...
That’s emotion!
As the emotional roller coaster
Dips twist and turns
You can feel the winds friction
Yet you yearn for the burn
Traveling faster and faster
Without safety’s concern
You crash and free fall into a bottomless pit
Realizing emotion is long term....
It's forever!
Rushing through your veins
Like adrenaline for the brain
You can feel the battle between love and hate
Making you cry for Novocain....
That’s emotion!
-E- is gasoline
-MOTION- is its fire
Never fully satisfied
Yet its sparked by desire
An incredible encounter
Overwhelming in its capacity
Emotion is the master of manipulation
Dealing cards of joy and tragedy
So don’t worry be happy
But be afraid be very afraid
Although laughter is good medicine
An overdose will cause stress and strain…
That’s emotion!