PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

Forever in your heart!

as the time for me and you draws near
as we say goodbye our hearts are full of fear
never forget even thou were really far apart
i will always be forever in your heart
even thou i am not with you out there
know that i will always be right here
the time we spent together never will depart
my love goes with you anywhere forever in your heart
in life our paths will lead us down a different road
and when the sadness goes into overload
just look inside yourself way past all the hurt
thats where you'll see me im forever in your heart

I was asked if I believe in true love, 

I was asked, how do I know it's real? 

My answer is yes, 

I truly believe it can be real,

But I really don't know. 

It's something I've never got to feel. 

I've had sweet lies, 

And stories told about happy endings that never happen. 

But me? 

I'm just out here with my easel and paints, 

Setting up camp with broken souls, 

The ones I think will look beautiful,

Painted next to my own bruised and damaged soul, 

And painting blindly, 

Hoping to create a masterpiece. 

I watched...

while silent tears, of one-sided grief,

slowly ran in rivulets down my cheeks.

Last rights were spoken, but did nothing

to undo the wrongs.

DNR, written in blood red, screamed from off

the charted page of an empty file.

Life support was removed and helplessly I stood,

watching, waiting,

until the colors drained, a last breath was drawn

and all that remained, was white-sheeted regret.

~~~

No mourners, save for myself,

cared to view or grieve, or even offer comfort

to this bereaved soul.

I sat alone, in a high-backed, burgundy upholstered chair,

while somber music wafted past my ears

and parlor scents permeated my senses.

I eulogized out loud,

speaking of wasted time,

unmet goals, long-held regrets,

and unhealed scars,

but my words only echoed back, in taunt,

in the hollowness of the vacant chairs.

~~~

I, the lone mourner,

in single-filed procession,

marched,

unaccompanied,

past the weathered stones of others. 

I said my 'goodbye' graveside,

as a soft rain fell, in a mingling of tears, and dirt, to mud...

Tossing one red rose

and a handful of rich, brown soil,

There...right there,

I buried my dreams,

a mere six feet below

my hopes.

I'm not sorry for giving you up!

I am sorry I was not given the tools to be a better mother.

I am sorry for all the pain and suffering you endured over the years. 

I'm not sorry for walking away, as I believe it would have been worse had I stayed!

I can not change the past.

I live in the present and look to the future.

Dwelling only prolongs the pain.

I'm not sorry for giving you tuff love.

Sometimes it's the only way to love.

I don't have all the answers,

I have my feelings, emotions and experiences!

I'm very happy that you were able to break the cycle,

able to raise your children.

I am sorry I was not able to be a part of your lives.

I'm sorry I missed out on so many memories.

I am not sorry I gave you life.

June 13 2022

With this letter I say goodbye,

As the daylight fades to night,

Tears roll down my cheeks,

Pen trembles in my hand,

My lungs gasping for air,

The monsters under my bed,

The voices in my head,

Hypnotised by the shiny metal,

I feel numb and dead inside,

Totally zombified but without purpose,

Lies and lies that have been said,

Pumped full of chaos,

Traumatised by the outside,

For as long as I can remember,

I have wanted to die,

Feeding off my broken heart and mind,

Despair swirld round like smoke,

Emptiness becoming normal,

Fill my veins with formaldehyde,

The day has finally come,

The day my heart died.

I don't know what to write

or what to say or what to feel.

I want help but I'm too afraid

to show anyone what is real with me.

I can't seem to bring myself to terms

with my thoughts of a different future.

I can't change what I am

but if I could, I don't know that I would.

I won't let you go, but it's what holding me back

I won't face what I have, it's control I don't have.

I won't stand up to her and say I don't need you

because you're the worst drug I've ever had.

Let me start over, I swear I'll do better.

Let me have some faith in myself, I might

sleep a night without the toxic thoughts.

Let me feel like I've done something right.

Only the drugs and the alcohol make me

forget where I am, make me forget that I need

them to float above the sea, stop from sinking and

remembering everything and start thinking

about the failure that has given up.

When I look up in the sky

And I see your spirit soar

Mindful that I'm stuck down here

Thinking of before

I pray I cross your mind

As you sail among the clouds

And that you'll visit me

The next time you come around

I loved you with my all

But only pulled you down

I should've known my heart

Would keep you anchored on the ground

I've let you go, my dear

As you fly into the sky

I hope your fading thoughts of me

Will pass you by-and-by

i.

magic. do you remember believing in magic? i remember it better than i remember how to tell you what i want. which is to say i hardly remember it at all.

ii.

old photocopies. old handprints. i am spinning, i am wearing the worst outfits i chose myself, i exist in these worlds. which is to say once i was that girl. i don’t recall the shift.

iii.

last night i had a dream none of my clothes fit anymore and they chased me down the driveway until i stopped running. which is to say this is how i see myself. i can’t remember when i stopped being that girl.

iv.

this morning i tried to choose the right colors and slip into the right curves to pull your eyes to me. my mirror smiles as if to say she loves me while she simply tells me what i want to hear. nice try. which is to say i am still looking for someone to be as constant as she is. i am still looking for that much needed slap in the face that still feels like a hug. i am looking for answers.

v.

one day the claws inside me started reaching for everyone i saw on the street. and i read it as fear or pure animal attraction. which is to say what is the difference? in the deep dark pit of my human i just want their eyes on me.

vi.

when everyone else is asleep i make my worst decisions. my heart squeezes morse code pleadings: why? again? which is to say deep down i don’t understand love. i can’t even spell its name in my own language.

vii.

if mom called right now she would tell me it was bedtime. which is to say another night passes backwards and i still can’t tell.

The pain of being left behind has lingered inside you for years, years, years.

So you thought the patrons berating me weren’t bad enough, nuff, nuff.

I had open wounds all over my body.

And you dumped a bucket of salt on them.

You knew perfectly well how hurt I was before that.

Yet you tie a leash on my neck and commanded me to listen

Like the dog I was when I barked back at you.

No matter what my decision was, I was going to lose to you.

My attachment to you was the perfect gun for you to fire

Because it was loaded with the tablets that nearly did you in.

On that fateful day, you survived and I thought that true love was out of my reach.

You would have had the last laugh, but several days later, the joke’s on you.

I’m someone else’s now so tough luck and good riddance to bad rubbish.

You say you’re free of me,

Yet your memories of me have locked you up

and thrown away the key.

I know that because you have loads of trouble letting go of the past.

You can vent ‘til the cows come home that I never
made time for you, you, you!

Everything has to be about me, me, me!

But that was only the surface you scratched.

That’s the furthest you ever went.

It says more about you than me.

Hell, a beefcake could clear his schedule for you better than I can.

But his chivalry might be aggressive mimicry.

If he breaks your heart, it ain’t my problem.

Now that I’m out of your reach, you can’t touch me.

I’m mingling with the losers like I’m dancing in a nightclub in Italy.

It was a wakeup call to screw your shade

Because one of them loves everything about me.

It’s not looking the other way. It’s enjoying the person I was born to be.

Every day I don’t look you up online

Nor read your old messages, my memories of you hurt less and less.

While I can visualize you a decade from now

Still being stroppy about the delusion that I never cared for you.

Who knows? You could call me a cunt and still claim part of you loves me.

And you’re sorry it had to be this way.

But… fuck no! Let’s be real. You’re not sorry. No aspect of you loves me.

You played the sarcasm card on me. So how about a taste of your own medicine for a change?

Good luck becoming a psychologist with the attitude of a wack job.

Good luck getting that degree while you throw a fit on every single assignment you get.

Good luck handing that very same garbage you threw at me to a couple getting a divorce.

I can’t wait to see a patient badmouth you on Reddit and turn you into a court jester.

Maybe I did learn a lesson from you after all;

Knowing when it is time to let go and never come back.