Your single mother and cousins applauded you because they had faith I was the one.
It felt amazing to be this close to a family that I never met in the flesh.
Seeing them in the form of a discarded diary should have sounded an alarm in my head.
Your voice was so solemn and so soothing that it was like tasting a honeysuckle lollipop.
It was the best flavor I’ve ever had until I told you about the pauper I am providing for.
Then the flies showed up and I spent the next two months swatting them away.
One day, I licked the lollipop for the first time since then and tasted manure in the center.
I wondered why something so sweet could taste so repulsive.
But to my surprise, I was struck by the thought that I should have known.
You found yourself a guy you couldn’t wrap around your finger.
I didn’t see it until I was being bled dry and I could barely stay awake.
I had nothing to offer you when you claimed I did.
So why were you angry?
Why were you cranky?
I thought you were dandy
When you abstained from hanky panky.
All this time, you were still the hurt little boy that was raised in the Pope’s lyceum.
And turned into a lamprey the second I couldn’t give him anything to eat.
If you’re alone and free, I’ve already forgotten about you.
If you deserve better than me, you took the easy way out
By cheating on your test in life and got caught by the pauper.
You whimpered in fear of getting expelled and I was prepared for it.
The lamprey within broke free when I couldn’t look at you as the same person I loved before.
You fruitlessly faked your regret and pinned the blame on my ass to get out of jail free.
I’m not crying not because I didn’t care about you.
It was because I have the ending from that film memorized by heart.
It’s crazy, isn’t it? I know. I’ve watched it several times in French as a student.
I know my worth. I’m smiling in public while the sun is up
And brightening up the night when it goes down.
Thank you for putting words in my mouth when you were at your lowest.
Can you remind me again what major you’re pursuing?
Because you behaved like a patient in a case study at Arkham to me.
Wake up and smell the roses, my sweet summer child.
If you can’t stand to be where the bald eagles take flight,
Then park yourself on a bench and feed the pigeons.
There’s chow littered on the staircase floor.
I scramble to clean up the spill before it’s all consumed
By the cat that brought the family bad luck since the late spring.
Here I go, like I always do,
Holding my tongue on the job
While I hear you shout
While I hear you try to crush me
While I hear you goad me to scream.
It confuses me why an act of kindness and good intentions
Can wrought so much volatile sentiments.
I’ve been hesitant to feed the little one because I don’t know his tastes.
Never did I anticipate that her gluttonous habits are what triggers you.
Or is it he? Wow. Just wow.
Anger does wonders to the hippocampus.
My curiosity about how long you’ll live after that squabble fascinates me
But it concerns me at the same time.
Mad people live shorter lives than those that can stay calm when there’s an inconvenience.
To you, I’ve always been the stupid little boy you’ve been raising since thirty-two.
To me, you’ve always been the hot-headed scumbag that loves pushing my buttons.
And your temper is my poison.
Just today, while hitting the road, I thought we’d find common ground.
Keeping our cools while the mama cat is away
And a kitten comes out to play
Before it helps us seek four crystals in need of recovering.
When all that is done, I thought we’d go out for
Bagels and quiche for old time’s sake.
I enjoy the little interactions and activities when your temper is below zero.
Sadly, tonight once again broke the streak
That counted consecutive days we got along.
This always happens growing up, yet I never see it coming.
To you, I’ve always been the stupid little boy you’ve been raising since thirty-two.
To me, you’ve always been the hot-headed scumbag that loves pushing my buttons.
And your temper is my poison.
If you think the black cat is getting pudgy,
Why don’t you take a look in the mirror?
You’ve put on more pounds than she did.
Or he did? How did you get the genders mixed up in the heat?
I guess anger does wonders to the hippocampus.
You’re the reason why I have to keep my temper in check.
And why I prefer tears over beers.
All for the sake of my own well-being so I don’t turn out exactly like you.
Your temper is my poison and I won’t let it fester.
The only antidote to my ailment is knowing that I’ll be out of this roof
Happier than I was living under it just like I was for the past two years.
I know that as a guppy, Mother said to be considerate of you and
I was told that deep inside, you do care.
Sadly, it’s excruciatingly difficult for me not to judge this book by its cover.
I just can’t pry it open to see the pages no matter how hard I try to interpret your rage.
But if this little message hurts your feelings,
It’s a dish served hotter than the volcano in the back of your head.
To you, I’ve always been the stupid little boy you’ve been raising since thirty-two.
To me, you’ve always been the hot-headed scumbag that loves pushing my buttons.
And your temper is my poison. It will always be my poison no matter how old we get.
I feel like I'm getting cut off the chord
Another guy's cheating on his girlfriend while he's bored
Lies to his good friend and runs off again anew
Leaves his friend to the wolves and what is true
To lie and kiss when you belonged to another
To take away a poor soul's virginity and have a 10th lover
All of this and more at once
Consecutively deceiving and ongoing months
I wonder just what is your problem?
To steal so many hearts and trap a robin
And feed the sickness to the sea of insanity
Starting another storm and change the skies to calamity
To taint another's love
and slit the throat of a peaceful dove
You set a storm in the deepest of hearts
and set wounds inside the most delicate parts
When will you ever seem to care or learn
Until the harsh fire inside of you ceases to burn
To turn yet another to stone
and eat the flesh and leave bare bone
Laying in the shadows waiting for the next poor soul to ravage
Clearly you fit the name, the worst of a savage
I walk endless an road
locked into a heavy load
Of these questions and fears
Gripping from it's unreasonable tears
As a car roars by
I look dead into it's light
Wondering where it leads
But just like that it's gone
just like another day
As I wake up to the sun's harsh light
I try not to look back
As I attempt to fill this crack
Of this hurt and wonder
Unstoppable, a storm of rain and thunder
As a car roars by
I look dead into it's light
Wondering where it leads
But just like that it's gone
just like another night
As I stay up to the moon's hypnotic might
I feel like every single thing is like a mind game, played and laid out for me
I can't feel a single thing, like I'm not blind, but I still can't see
What is it really? Perhaps it's not that important?
Tell me what it is, or is it just my own comportment?
I have walked in the very things I've looked down upon
What I once thought was selfish, now I too am wrong
and now there is blood all over my hand
But I have no idea why, I just don't understand
This is a complication called the human mind
Irony, double standards, hypocrisy, A place to be so blind
To wallow and loop in this thick puddle of shame
For the mistakes commited, I fairly wore the blame
Knowing is the beginning is something I suppose
It's better to learn, rather than to find it to oppose.
So I guess I'll take my feelings and throw them to the floor
I'll leave you where you originally were, trapped inside a closed door
And you can echo your goodbyes
as you embrace yourself to the ink of sheer ignorance and sighs..
A face crumbles to the floor
and the question grows
No trace to find the locked door
Within it's secrets, trapped
and soon I will become the silence
Still without an identity mapped
and soon I will become the faceless shadow
Fast to soon slip away
With the colors gone and hollow
To bathe within the crumbles from my face
and the answer departs
Leading to nothing but empty space.
Forever to climb a mountain, a mountain called past
They to to understand,
Simply cannot comprehend,
This pain where I stand;
This misery that will not end.
My mind of fear and doubt,
And of pain I cannot bare.
I am always unsuccessful,
In ridding this despair.
I am unknown,
To myself and others.
These problems I am,
Cannot hide under covers.
I may cut or burn,
Or harm myself tonight.
To me, it's my turn,
To bare my mental fight.
I am unknown,
To myself and others.
But these problems I am,
Will no longer be uncovered.
I will wake up tomorrow,
And my pain will not be shown.
But this pain is real,
Just to others, it's unknown.