Winter poem
Broken like a snow flake once it reaches its only goal, to stop falling.
It can never be the same again and falling is inevitable.
Consumed by everything in its reach.
Much like us, it is only a matter of time before we break; falling is inevitable going through life.
Like a fragile sheet of glass, once you break you will never be complete again.
Always feeling like your missing apart of yourself.
You continue trying to fill the cracks with pieces but it is never truly whole again.
You feel lost, weaken, lesser of a person and more like an anomaly.
Just like a snow flake can’t help but fall we can’t help but get back up, while losing a piece of our self each time.
Once a snowflake breaks apart enough it fades into nothing.
How much of one’s self can you lose before you are no longer who you were. T. T |
When a couple reproduces
They hope that their child thrives
Their expectations soon diminish
As the tally numbers five
Expectations begin eroding
As the number does increase
Hopes all but diminish
As one's progressions quickly cease
Their seemingly constant silence
Leaves them lost amongst the dark
Their once promising future
Now seen as nothing but a farce
Once perceived as normalcy
Has now overtaken themselves
Feelings hidden for decades
Can no longer now be shelved
I once had 20/20 vision
But my eyes know that's a lie
I'm left stumbling in obscurity
By the blindness of my cries
You're my one and only hero
I hope that one day you'll recognize
That regardless of your efforts
There was no preventing my demise
You're my sunshine amongst the darkness
That will soon be overcome
No tears can relieve the pressure
Of my fingers on this gun
Your dreams themselves may picture
A human greater than myself
But those dreams will far exaggerate
The quality of the human's ashes on your shelf.
My Precious Momma...
I hugged you, talked to you, kissed you.
I spent Blessed, special time with you,
on your that, last day here
...and now,
I'm supposed to go on living without you,
My Precious Momma.
~
How is that even possible,
when you were the first person I ever loved
and the first person,
who ever loved me,
My Precious Momma?
When you were my best friend,
my confidant, my advice 'go-to' and giver?
My hand-holder, my cheering squad,
my example of strength, of grace, of dignity,
of a deep and steadfast Faith.
Just like that...54 years
and 20 days, all the days I ever knew,
of living in this world with you in it~
and then, suddenly...no more.
~
My Precious Momma,
When you left this earth,
Heaven surely got even more beautiful,
as you arrived
and your smiling Irish eyes,
just went wide-open in utter awe,
as you touched the glorious face of Jesus, at last.
Then, as you turned all around,
dancing in delightful glory,
restored, renewed,
with no pain, no struggle, no worry, no fear...
and not ever again.
~
Oh My Precious Momma,
you certainly more than earned your reward,
for your trials you had, here on this earth.
For that I am so grateful, to our Lord,
that you suffer no more,
and while I long to have you back,
I would never wish you away from Paradise
and back to pain and struggles and strife.
~
No My Precious Momma...
For I would rather continue
the time I have left here, on earth,
with my own pain and struggles and strife
and live as Faithful a life as you did,
being as strong a woman as you were,
My Precious Momma,
knowing that someday soon,
it will be my time to go to be with you,
there, Home in Heaven.
~
But until then...
until Father God calls me Home too,
I will still, forever and ever, be loving you,
be missing you, be aching inside
and be so very lost without you...
My Precious Momma.
The skies have never been greyer.
I don’t heal from mental scars overnight.
Neither do you.
I overthink small problems and I wither when I make mistakes.
So do you.
It made me smile that we have our own inner demons.
It gave me the realization that I would not be alone.
When two broken hearts get together,
I often dream that they are matches made in heaven.
Because we understand where we’ve been
And why these circumstances made us the way we are.
But in every relationship, it is the furthest thing from paradise.
It won’t be the last time that we’d be walking on thin ice.
You are a sweetheart to me and I won’t forget the way you changed my life.
You’ve inspired me to meet icons whose wealth exceeds my wildest dreams.
You’ve helped me see that they’re human beings just like you and me.
You’ve given me pieces of you to keep me on my feet and explore uncharted territory in Wonderland.
You’ve compelled me to think that you wouldn’t ask for much as long as I said,
“I love you. My life wouldn’t be the same without you.” every night.
You constantly worry you lose me and that nothing in life goes right for you.
I keep trying to do my own thing while battling the sergeants that disagree with my decisions.
Don’t let our fickle position be added to my list of never-ending burdens.
Sometimes I stay the best of friends with people I was fond of before.
I’m never the “love them and leave them” type as long as I’m still on good terms with them
And remind myself that the past is in the past and no one is taking me anywhere.
Not that anyone could anyway as long as I make a living trying to tell nectarines and peaches apart.
Tonight when I talked about it with you, the way I opened up to you was like stepping in a land mine.
I don’t want to keep secrets from you so you wouldn’t fear I’d leave you to drown in a vale of tears.
But I’ll lock them up and throw away the key if I’m put on the spot like this.
Then I wouldn’t let you touch me the way you do now.
I’ve learned many hard lessons from falling in love and interpreting one’s intentions.
One taught me that it’s pointless to disguise odium as empathy.
One taught me that I can never choose what the love of my life gets offended by.
One taught me not to rely too heavily on my other half lest I lose my ability to solve problems.
One taught me not to sacrifice too much when making a commitment.
One taught me that there’s more to life than shotgun weddings and procreation.
One taught me to love who I am before I can give my light to others.
A lost boy who’s a year away from adulthood has given me his by sharing his own disappointments
Yet he still has the heart to resurrect the brotherly side that I had previously lost to a poisonous fable.
I know I want to love
And I want to be loved in return
But I am a free spirit and close friends mean the world to me.
I never see myself as a “give and take” kind of bloke
All because the little things in life are what matters more to me.
Who would want a lover like that?
I am sorry that you feel the way you do, but no matter what the future brings,
I’ll always love you and be indebted to your compassion.
I swear on the grave of my jewel and cousin, I wish you the best in life
Whether I spend mine with you or not.
The skies have never been greyer.
You’ve done it again. You’ve done it again, mate.
You went back on your word when you promised you’d stick with me in the long run.
Even if our passion moved far too quickly at first.
Before it simmered down to give us time to intercept our demons.
It should’ve been the other way around.
In an age where I can’t see your face nor can I hold your hand,
It’s become a force of habit that I wish I could stop partaking in.
I love too quickly because I am a freak scared of being molded into something I’m not.
Regardless of my desire, I still have to know what goes on in your own life.
That either excites you, scares you, angers you, saddens you, and soothes you.
I’d have to appreciate you before my infatuation gets the better of me and it evolves into love.
I never planned to stop caring even after finding out your weight was dangerously high.
I was reassured that you planned to take care of yourself, but you never knew that.
You didn’t know what to do nor what to say when I didn’t find out about your size sooner.
You didn’t want to shove me away, but you did.
You didn’t want to hurt me, but you did.
You said you were interested in me, but you weren’t.
You said you weren’t in it for short-term happiness, but you were.
All because you turned your back on me when I was willing to keep you tight regardless.
You are such a damn fraud that vies for a sugar bowl that I am fighting tirelessly to keep.
How many sorries does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I could let you know when you get it to turn on.
But how can I notify you if you severed ties with me?
Since you ran away, an apology is as empty as your soul.
You turned out to be just like your exes and here I am, telling you, “Fuck your love quest.”
It’s not like you’re going to take it again anytime soon nevertheless.
Lonely pieces of crap only want to love when they wish for an early death.
Were you trying to gasp for air when the ocean took away your breath?
If you’re still wondering why you’ll never find love, I’ve got bad news for you.
The way you made my heart beat for you until you made a crack in it is the answer to your question.
You may never know this about me because I don’t always realize it myself.
But when I embrace a soul whose loyalty and compassion is unbreakable,
I realize that I am never alone.
They may face obstacles and heartaches of their own, but they never let them tear them apart.
One day, I’ll find love of my own and I continue to pray that it will be as true as my friendships.
What a shame that you’ll never see that I am never alone.
Too too much to say
Words can’t express the feeling
Beating Heart & Throbbing Pain
Can’t sleep
To afraid...
To Wake up & feel this pain
Every tear I cried helped you sail farther away
Every breath I sighed filled your wings to fly
You mastered the wind and waves to leave me
You cried as the storms only pushed you along
And then You, that magnetizing, gravitating whirlpool
Leading men down to watery graves
Pulling the breath from many men's lips
And crushing them in your depths
It was difficult for me to lose you
I heard your siren's call
But I stuffed my ears and tied myself up
I knew you had nothing but death
Lastly to you, I won't say that there isn't beauty in your suffering
Only that those of us who can see it are pretty messed up
Trying desperately to find a silver lining in a thundercloud
A refreshing sea-breeze in a hurricane
Like the aurora borealis
Or the spritely fox-fire
You're a natural mystery
Filled with hidden meanings
My muses
My fates
My inspirations
I gave you all my everything
And you each of you left me wanting
I've never seen an angel bleed
Till I stood with knife in hand
I've never seen a devil cry
Till I looked once through it's eyes
You were my drug
Long before I acclimated
Long before withdrawal
I needed you to survive
I can feel your eyes on my back
Can't you hear me?
I'm silent on the outside
But screaming on the inside
I'm soul-lost
I can't find who I am anymore
Maybe I'll be fine
Perhaps I will survive
But I just don't know if
I can outlast your memory
If I lose myself in drugs and dreams
Or fly away to places and things
To fill the gap you left behind
Consuming body, soul, and mind
But there is no need
To conjure dreams
When life comes
In such radiant colors
They say Pandora is to blame
Her curiosity brought us pain
And fear of darkness in the night
But there was hope in candle-light
From the dark, a light will shine
Before the day, the night has gone
And now we know it burns so fine
That is why it's called, breaking dawn.
And maybe, just maybe
That which dies gives birth to something new