Your Pain,

Times in 2023

Your Pain,


What secrets.......

Do I know?

In your ........darkest

Deepest moments.

When in your cups.

What didst you.....


In my ear?


Now shared.....

Giajl © Jim Love

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My Bad Temper

My Bad Temper

My Bad Temper
whirling around,
to  square off its own needs
found a prey.

Scolded till ears get deaf,
till my temper got evaporated,
found myself relived of bad mood.

No time feeling of guilt smiled at me,
 it is doubly painful
on realizing
to whom I hooked,
were not my choice.

Words once throw
can't be retrieved,
yet the bad temper,
tempted to do the Adam's sin
and I lost Paradise Lost
repent  and regret
whirling around
to fill the vacuum that
I bore of my bad temper.

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I wish the pain would go away!

I wish the pain would go away!    

Somedays i dont feel like getting out of bed
for when i am asleep theres nothing that i dread
when i am awake time drags on thru out the day
i just wanna shout i wish the pain would go away
and i watch the words fade away like a puff of smoke
but they just gets stuck in my throat and i feel like i will choke
so i beg for the good in my life to out weigh the bad
but often i feel like no ones listening nor care that i am sad
then i think about the people in my life who are here to stay
then i smile from ear to ear knowing that the pain will go away



Author's Notes/Comments: 

having a bad day is where this poem comes from



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The Day My Heart Died


With this letter I say goodbye,

As the daylight fades to night,

Tears roll down my cheeks,

Pen trembles in my hand,

My lungs gasping for air,

The monsters under my bed,

The voices in my head,

Hypnotised by the shiny metal,

I feel numb and dead inside,

Totally zombified but without purpose,

Lies and lies that have been said,

Pumped full of chaos,

Traumatised by the outside,

For as long as I can remember,

I have wanted to die,

Feeding off my broken heart and mind,

Despair swirld round like smoke,

Emptiness becoming normal,

Fill my veins with formaldehyde,

The day has finally come,

The day my heart died.

Stronger then you think!

 Stronger then you think!        4/26/21


when you feel just like your all alone and its more then you can bare

the fight in you is all but gone and no one seems to be aware

and your feet are stuck in quicksand and you feel like you will sink 

but remember who you were born too your stronger then you think

as kids stupid stuff didnt matter none and we didnt take it to heart

but over the years its become so vast and its tearing you apart

and if you dwell on it any longer it will send you too the brink

i know that you will be alright cuz your stronger then you think

so when ever you feel like all is lost and you wont make another day

remember who's always watching over you the monsters kept at bay

next time that you feel like your on the edge i will be there in a blink

to let you know how much your loved because your stronger then you think


    Becky Chadbourne


Author's Notes/Comments: 

I wrote this poem for my brother to let him know how much he is loved and that he has the power to rise above the pain and memories and be stronger then ever, brother i am proud of you so very proud

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Out with the Loathing, In with the Benevolence


The pain of being left behind has lingered inside you for years, years, years.


So you thought the patrons berating me weren’t bad enough, nuff, nuff.


I had open wounds all over my body.


And you dumped a bucket of salt on them.


You knew perfectly well how hurt I was before that.


Yet you tie a leash on my neck and commanded me to listen


Like the dog I was when I barked back at you.




No matter what my decision was, I was going to lose to you.


My attachment to you was the perfect gun for you to fire


Because it was loaded with the tablets that nearly did you in.


On that fateful day, you survived and I thought that true love was out of my reach.


You would have had the last laugh, but several days later, the joke’s on you.


I’m someone else’s now so tough luck and good riddance to bad rubbish.



You say you’re free of me,


Yet your memories of me have locked you up


and thrown away the key.



I know that because you have loads of trouble letting go of the past.



You can vent ‘til the cows come home that I never
made time for you, you, you!


Everything has to be about me, me, me!


But that was only the surface you scratched.


That’s the furthest you ever went.


It says more about you than me.


Hell, a beefcake could clear his schedule for you better than I can.



But his chivalry might be aggressive mimicry.




If he breaks your heart, it ain’t my problem.


Now that I’m out of your reach, you can’t touch me.


I’m mingling with the losers like I’m dancing in a nightclub in Italy.


It was a wakeup call to screw your shade


Because one of them loves everything about me.



It’s not looking the other way. It’s enjoying the person I was born to be.





Every day I don’t look you up online

Nor read your old messages, my memories of you hurt less and less.

While I can visualize you a decade from now

Still being stroppy about the delusion that I never cared for you.

Who knows? You could call me a cunt and still claim part of you loves me.

And you’re sorry it had to be this way.


But… fuck no! Let’s be real. You’re not sorry. No aspect of you loves me.



You played the sarcasm card on me. So how about a taste of your own medicine for a change?

Good luck becoming a psychologist with the attitude of a wack job.

Good luck getting that degree while you throw a fit on every single assignment you get.

Good luck handing that very same garbage you threw at me to a couple getting a divorce.

I can’t wait to see a patient badmouth you on Reddit and turn you into a court jester.

Maybe I did learn a lesson from you after all;

Knowing when it is time to let go and never come back.

I'm Not Crying

Your single mother and cousins applauded you because they had faith I was the one.

It felt amazing to be this close to a family that I never met in the flesh.

Seeing them in the form of a discarded diary should have sounded an alarm in my head.

Your voice was so solemn and so soothing that it was like tasting a honeysuckle lollipop.

It was the best flavor I’ve ever had until I told you about the pauper I am providing for.

Then the flies showed up and I spent the next two months swatting them away.


One day, I licked the lollipop for the first time since then and tasted manure in the center.

I wondered why something so sweet could taste so repulsive.

But to my surprise, I was struck by the thought that I should have known.

You found yourself a guy you couldn’t wrap around your finger.

I didn’t see it until I was being bled dry and I could barely stay awake.

I had nothing to offer you when you claimed I did.


So why were you angry?

Why were you cranky?

I thought you were dandy

When you abstained from hanky panky.


All this time, you were still the hurt little boy that was raised in the Pope’s lyceum.

And turned into a lamprey the second I couldn’t give him anything to eat.

If you’re alone and free, I’ve already forgotten about you.

If you deserve better than me, you took the easy way out

By cheating on your test in life and got caught by the pauper.

You whimpered in fear of getting expelled and I was prepared for it.


The lamprey within broke free when I couldn’t look at you as the same person I loved before.

You fruitlessly faked your regret and pinned the blame on my ass to get out of jail free.

I’m not crying not because I didn’t care about you.

It was because I have the ending from that film memorized by heart.

It’s crazy, isn’t it? I know. I’ve watched it several times in French as a student.


I know my worth. I’m smiling in public while the sun is up

And brightening up the night when it goes down.

Thank you for putting words in my mouth when you were at your lowest.

Can you remind me again what major you’re pursuing?

Because you behaved like a patient in a case study at Arkham to me.

Wake up and smell the roses, my sweet summer child.

If you can’t stand to be where the bald eagles take flight,

Then park yourself on a bench and feed the pigeons.

To fix mt past!

To fix my past!

my past is filled with heartache and tears
full of ghosts ive locked away for years
but over time they've become so vast
and i've tried so hard to fix my past
i’ve fought to keep those memories at bay
but here they are and here they’ll stay
these memories inside have multiplied fast
i hope there's a way for me to fix my past
as i got older i’ve learned alot about me
and who i am is who i’m supposed to be
if i do go back then i would be recast
then should i go back to fix my past
my family and friends all know who i am
so if i do go back  i might not give a dam
and when i return i will have to be asked
just cause i wanted to fix my past
so here i am and here i’ll always remain
to others i’ll be hope so nothing's in vain
and someday when i am stronger at last
there’ll not be a need to go and fix my past!


Author's Notes/Comments: 

this is something i struggle with everyday and putting it on paper and reading it a few times has helped me tremendously, hope it helps you too

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I'm Fine...

When, 'I'm fine'

becomes your generic answer,

because you know well,

they don't really care about the truth.


When tears just randomly fall,

in a silent, steady succession

and you never knew were even crying.


When you actually,

physically ache inside,

from being so bereft

of even simple human touch.


When the only times

your cries are even heard

by anyone who'd care,

is within' your own head.


When you just want to run-

just start running,

but knowing full well,

you've nowhere, and no one, to run.


When your own traitorous voice

calls out inside you, screaming:

'Outcast! Unlovable! Unworthy!

Why don't you fight back!?

What's wrong with you!???'

And you simply whisper back, 'I'm fine.'