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i miss all the decisions i didn’t make

and i still kind of want to know the color of your eyes

every day you wake up without me

there is a song that gets me through so many days

and i wrote out all the lyrics in a message to you

still unsent

because how am i supposed to get through days

and not come home asking you to hold me

how am i supposed to have something to celebrate

and not have you be the first one i tell

call me crazy when the lights go out

i send the stars some letters but they will never reach you

I paint my wishes on your walls with glow in the dark paint-

it’s still not enough

you never turn the lights off

Crossroad

By jfarrell

Behind me lies the road I have travelled;

As I arrive at this crossroad,

I will sit, rest,

Consider my options

Nearly 20 years in childcare,

But I am not that person anymore;

Suicide and looking after kids

Do not mix well

So, here I am

At the crossroad;

To my left lies bar work

I can help folk find oblivion

To my right lies kitchen work;

Although recent experience suggests

I am a case of mass food poisoning

Waiting to happen

The road ahead is paved with words;

Short words, long words

And the signpost reads “Your future is this way”

This is my crossroad and the road ahead looks beautiful

Travelling along my path

I find myself

At a crossroads,

However,

I do not take the road less traveled,

For that one looks overused.

And I do not take the road more traveled,

For that one looks forgotten.

Instead I choose to create my own path,

Carve a new trail,

Enjoy a new experience which no one has ever seen before.

I choose to take the path I want,

Not the ones everyone tells me I can.

The hourglass stands

Bits of sand fall

Turn it on its side

My being is split

Between what once was

And what will be

Each grain reflects a choice, a trait, a memory

What happens now? 

Wasting time again and again

Where does it begin and end

What is my foundation?

AND there she was, standing in the distance, disappointed, upset, confused, broken, hurt. Begging for an answer to the burning disappointment she was presented with.
IT was not that she had not loved him, nor was it that she didn't love him, but that she was let down, and the feeling she was left with was impossible to explain.
WILL she understand what she feels, and will she make it through? Of course she will. She's strong. She may be broken, but she's fixed plenty of things in her lifetime to get back up and take a step out there and be somebody.
BE strong, be faithful, be truthful, be honest, be yourself. That's where you're going to find true love. Someone will come along and pick you up off of your feet and make you feel like you've never felt before.
OKAY is the word that's going to describe you after every battle. After every fight. After the loss, after the heartache. After the pain and breaths that she had to take in order to get through.

But in the end... She knew that she'd have to fight..

And it will be okay

I feel like every single thing is like a mind game,  played and laid out for me

I can't feel a single thing, like I'm not blind, but I still can't see

What is it really? Perhaps it's not that important?

Tell me what it is, or is it just my own comportment?

I have walked in the very things I've looked down upon

What I once thought was selfish, now I too am wrong

and now there is blood all over my hand

But I have no idea why, I just don't understand

This is a complication called the human mind

Irony, double standards, hypocrisy, A place to be so blind

To wallow and loop in this thick puddle of shame

For the mistakes commited, I fairly wore the blame

Knowing is the beginning is something I suppose

It's better to learn, rather than to find it to oppose.

So I guess I'll take my feelings and throw them to the floor

I'll leave you where you originally were, trapped inside a closed door

And you can echo your goodbyes

as you embrace yourself to the ink of sheer ignorance and sighs..

What if I wasn't like you?

And I was just me, and Myself was true?

And if you did bad would it mean I would too? 

Would it mean if I did it, I'm exactly like you?

Would I be subject to your evil?

Would I be subject to your internal upheaval?

What if I am good in spirit,

And you might just rather not hear it

And if I did bad, does it mean I'm just like you?

Looking for an excuse for the culprit that causes blue?

Decisions left to baseless comparison

Myself gone from me, and origin

She tells me so, I'm just like him and her

Do you see my other qualities as just a blur?

Bring my poison, she admits me to it

Determines me as someone else and then she sits

Then, who am I?

A continuation of your deranged views, someone elses cry?

The tentecals of this beast are pulling me down

My sails are broken and there is no one around

So i made a deal with Davy Jones

There is no way im letting this beast keep my bones

Ill end up working the rest of my life away

But atleast in the end ill be able to say

"Every decision ive made was my own

Even when the gods tried to bring me home."

I’m just trying to live life one step at a time.

Just searching for a meaning to my life that will ease my mind.

I write what’s in my heart, I look for guidance in the stars.

Just on a mission to find the right destination.

It’s every step along the way that makes me who I am,

sets me apart from the rest, my heart and mind so unique .

I strengthen what I know as I continue to grow.

My mission is to learn as much as I can and to love deeper than I’ve ever known.

It’s every step along the way that makes the destination so great.