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The Endless Cycle

© 2017 SachikoMochiko

 

 

Every mistake, loss, failure or breakdown…it’s your choice whether or not to suffer from it.

 

 

“I am a human. Just like you and me. I’m young, 13 years of age, but I already feel old. I have learnt that, whatever situation you are in now, it’s temporary. So, enjoy or endure it to the fullest!

 

Whether is another human, your passion or yourself, you fall for it.  This poem I wrote is inspired by both my life and my fellow friends who write with me, sharing their stories. There are many different ways to view this poem. I spent many hours choosing how to structure this and the word choice. I wanted to share this to people who can relate and inspire other writers.”

 

 

 

I’m absolutely sick of falling

 

Falling in love and making the same mistake

 

Eaten by jealousy

 

Thinking that it would work 

 

Even when that person who I sought, 

 

Catches another

 

Thinking that they want you

 

Even if the kindness expressed is just…

 

Them.

 

 

Whenever I fall,

 

And no one sought me

 

I fall into a deep, cold abyss

 

Isolating both heart and body

 

From this rotting world

 

Suffocating me and myself

 

From thinking that I will fall again

 

 

But again, I find peace at the bottom…

 

Sitting just above the bedrock of grief 

 

Where your screams of heart break 

 

Is muted by the sea of tears

 

 

 

But I hunger to fall 

 

To seek for another cradle of arms

 

 

After craving for so long

 

I trick myself

 

That my heart has moved on

 

To someone for me

 

But deep, deep down…

 

I know it is just a mask

 

A mask to cover the disheartening pain

 

And to keep me sane

 

As I walk amongst the beings

 

 

 

It’s an endless cycle…

 

 

 

A cycle that is deemed to run my world

 

My kingdom,

 

My psyche,

 

My crust,

 

Like a wheel with a tempting needle 

 

Waiting to cast me to sleep

 

As it wheels me away to again start the cycle

 

 

 

Even if my consciousness is aware 

 

I shrug it off thinking I’m happily a rolling pebble

 

A rolling pebble that has been dropped

 

Dropped into a saltwater sea of fish

 

Where plenty of fish swim to escape

 

Escape the rotting world above

 

 

 

I’m a pebble after all

 

I was meant to sink to the bottom

 

Or be split in half by the fish

 

 

But as the hundreds and thousands of centuries

 

Wear me down

 

My calloused, guarded heart cracks open

 

As the pressure of the rotting earth

 

I. Become. The. Diamond.

 

It was not long after,

 

I was extracted from the bedrock of grief

 

HEATED…

 

POLISHED…

 

Until the skin of this pebble

 

Peels like those onion that brought tears to my eyes

 

 

Someone has found the brightest part of me

 

Someone has found my beauty

 

Someone has also fallen…like me

 

In a mere emotion with two sides

 

 

Well, congratulations that someone

 

Because you have found a rare one

 

Only one here on this earth

 

My mere gratitude cannot express…

 

Express how undeniably grateful I am

 

===

The two of us creates another;

 

“I’m absolutely sick of falling”,

 

 

 

-SachikoMochiko

She forgives them too quickly.

Never Ending Cycle

 

 

This life wrapped in disappointments

This life dressed in shame

These demons have surfaced

Hands red with blame

 

There comes a time to realize

You’re not who you tried to be

All the dreams you set on high

Forever lost at sea

 

Thoughts are a constant battle

Inside your own four walls

Questioning everything you’ve done

And if you’re worth anything at all

 

No longer in control

Drowning with the rain

Never more certain

That I’ve never been sane

 

 

 

 

                            

 

 

Long gone is the gristle.

In its place, an impossible

white smoothness.

The maggots and worms

have long since moved on.

Jutting from its eye sockets

thorny stems reach skyward.

At the top sit a pair

of blood red roses.

The skull, once hideous and

holding grim memory,

has since given back to the land.

In return the land pushed up

two beauties, epitomes of grace.

I feel like every single thing is like a mind game,  played and laid out for me

I can't feel a single thing, like I'm not blind, but I still can't see

 

What is it really? Perhaps it's not that important?

Tell me what it is, or is it just my own comportment?

 

I have walked in the very things I've looked down upon

What I once thought was selfish, now I too am wrong

 

and now there is blood all over my hand

But I have no idea why, I just don't understand

 

This is a complication called the human mind

Irony, double standards, hypocrisy, A place to be so blind

 

To wallow and loop in this thick puddle of shame

For the mistakes commited, I fairly wore the blame

 

Knowing is the beginning is something I suppose

It's better to learn, rather than to find it to oppose.

 

So I guess I'll take my feelings and throw them to the floor

I'll leave you where you originally were, trapped inside a closed door

 

And you can echo your goodbyes

as you embrace yourself to the ink of sheer ignorance and sighs..