relationships

Over You

 

Verse 1:
I carefully craft an image of you
In my mind.
But, sometimes, the reality does not match
The illusion in our dreams.
This is not how it should end
But, how it should begin.
Tell me: where do we go from here?

Chorus:

I am getting over you.
Though, the pace was slow.
I never needed to test my feelings for you.
But, you, you felt the need to test the waters.
Now, I’m left with nothing but our memories.
You got me in unbound memories.
You shattered my soul and spirit.

Verse 2:

Though, I don’t need to know your sins.
You will be a scarlet letter for the world to see.
Your past continues to haunt you.
Christ cannot save you from your sins.
You confessed your sins to me.
You dragged me along yet
Always looked for someone better.

Bridge:

If only you could see
That I know your story
Better than anyone,
We could become each other’s everything.
Though, I don’t know what lies ahead,
I’ll follow you wherever you will go.
Our lives are caged in together.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is the first song in book 2 (kindle direct publishing) that I self published on amazon kdp service about finding true love in a cruel world/society that degrades relationships to just having a good time.

I want to feel enough

I feel lost 

I don't feel like myself 

I feel unsure

I feel insecure

 

I just want to feel normal

I want to feel like I did before

 

I want to feel like I'm wanted

I want to feel like I'm worth something

 

I want to be pursued 

I want to be enough for you

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Proving me right

Conversations seem sincere

All of the unanswered questions have a response 

 

Are they true

You say them like there is meaning

 

I still feel like im being duped

 

How can you explain yourself so well

But I still feel like there is more to tell

 

Standing in front of you 

Asking for you to be truthful

I can take the pain

No need to lie

 

I'm not a child 

I'm an adult

Quick acting like I'm making things up

 

I feel like I'm loosing my mind 

All the while your actions keep proving me right

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Me

Depending on the day 

Will determine my fate

Depending on the time

will deterime if i'm alright

 

Toxic or narcissist

I can not decide 

What your doing to me 

drives me to think I am unbalanced

 

One moment i'm fine

One moment i'm left hopeless

 

The vulnerability I feel 

I despise it

 

Needing others is a joke

It's a challenge for me to depend upon you

I know how it will end

The same as the rest do

 

You tell me you love me

You show it sometimes

deep inside is a poisonious spirit 

You draw me in and keep me to stay 

I know i'm not your final destination 

I don't understand why

 

I have always stayed true to me

I have always been honest

Why do I feel that you have something to hide

Never to share never to let me in 

to help with your burden

 

I have the realization that this is my life

This is why I act just fine

But deep down inside 

I am slowly dying knowing that I will never be

what you want

what you need

what you lust for

I will always just be me

 

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See me

I feel so distraught

I feel so empty 

Why can't I express how I feel

 

I love you

I should be able to tell you anything 

I never have

Maybe I've always known this was too good to be true 

 

I give my all 

To have deceit and dishonesty 

 

Out of dispair I reach for you 

Someone to hold onto 

 

Why do I stay

Why do I feel that I was meant to feel this way

Why am I not happy 

Why does your happiness make my happiness 

 

I wish you could see me 

I wish you could feel the way I feel 

Think the way I think 

Would you still treat me the same way

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Albatross

When I look up in the sky

And I see your spirit soar

Mindful that I'm stuck down here

Thinking of before

I pray I cross your mind

As you sail among the clouds

And that you'll visit me

The next time you come around

 

I loved you with my all

But only pulled you down

I should've known my heart

Would keep you anchored on the ground

I've let you go, my dear

As you fly into the sky

I hope your fading thoughts of me

Will pass you by-and-by

Out with the Loathing, In with the Benevolence

 

The pain of being left behind has lingered inside you for years, years, years.

 

So you thought the patrons berating me weren’t bad enough, nuff, nuff.

 

I had open wounds all over my body.

 

And you dumped a bucket of salt on them.

 

You knew perfectly well how hurt I was before that.

 

Yet you tie a leash on my neck and commanded me to listen

 

Like the dog I was when I barked back at you.

 

 

 

No matter what my decision was, I was going to lose to you.

 

My attachment to you was the perfect gun for you to fire

 

Because it was loaded with the tablets that nearly did you in.

 

On that fateful day, you survived and I thought that true love was out of my reach.

 

You would have had the last laugh, but several days later, the joke’s on you.

 

I’m someone else’s now so tough luck and good riddance to bad rubbish.

 


 

You say you’re free of me,

 

Yet your memories of me have locked you up

 

and thrown away the key.

 

 

I know that because you have loads of trouble letting go of the past.

 


 

You can vent ‘til the cows come home that I never
made time for you, you, you!

 

Everything has to be about me, me, me!

 

But that was only the surface you scratched.

 

That’s the furthest you ever went.

 

It says more about you than me.

 

Hell, a beefcake could clear his schedule for you better than I can.

 

 

But his chivalry might be aggressive mimicry.

 

 

 

If he breaks your heart, it ain’t my problem.

 

Now that I’m out of your reach, you can’t touch me.

 

I’m mingling with the losers like I’m dancing in a nightclub in Italy.

 

It was a wakeup call to screw your shade

 

Because one of them loves everything about me.

 

 

It’s not looking the other way. It’s enjoying the person I was born to be.

 

 

 

 

Every day I don’t look you up online

Nor read your old messages, my memories of you hurt less and less.

While I can visualize you a decade from now

Still being stroppy about the delusion that I never cared for you.

Who knows? You could call me a cunt and still claim part of you loves me.

And you’re sorry it had to be this way.

 

But… fuck no! Let’s be real. You’re not sorry. No aspect of you loves me.

 

 

You played the sarcasm card on me. So how about a taste of your own medicine for a change?

Good luck becoming a psychologist with the attitude of a wack job.

Good luck getting that degree while you throw a fit on every single assignment you get.

Good luck handing that very same garbage you threw at me to a couple getting a divorce.

I can’t wait to see a patient badmouth you on Reddit and turn you into a court jester.

Maybe I did learn a lesson from you after all;

Knowing when it is time to let go and never come back.

I'm Not Crying

Your single mother and cousins applauded you because they had faith I was the one.

It felt amazing to be this close to a family that I never met in the flesh.

Seeing them in the form of a discarded diary should have sounded an alarm in my head.

Your voice was so solemn and so soothing that it was like tasting a honeysuckle lollipop.

It was the best flavor I’ve ever had until I told you about the pauper I am providing for.

Then the flies showed up and I spent the next two months swatting them away.

 

One day, I licked the lollipop for the first time since then and tasted manure in the center.

I wondered why something so sweet could taste so repulsive.

But to my surprise, I was struck by the thought that I should have known.

You found yourself a guy you couldn’t wrap around your finger.

I didn’t see it until I was being bled dry and I could barely stay awake.

I had nothing to offer you when you claimed I did.

 

So why were you angry?

Why were you cranky?

I thought you were dandy

When you abstained from hanky panky.

 

All this time, you were still the hurt little boy that was raised in the Pope’s lyceum.

And turned into a lamprey the second I couldn’t give him anything to eat.

If you’re alone and free, I’ve already forgotten about you.

If you deserve better than me, you took the easy way out

By cheating on your test in life and got caught by the pauper.

You whimpered in fear of getting expelled and I was prepared for it.

 

The lamprey within broke free when I couldn’t look at you as the same person I loved before.

You fruitlessly faked your regret and pinned the blame on my ass to get out of jail free.

I’m not crying not because I didn’t care about you.

It was because I have the ending from that film memorized by heart.

It’s crazy, isn’t it? I know. I’ve watched it several times in French as a student.

 

I know my worth. I’m smiling in public while the sun is up

And brightening up the night when it goes down.

Thank you for putting words in my mouth when you were at your lowest.

Can you remind me again what major you’re pursuing?

Because you behaved like a patient in a case study at Arkham to me.

Wake up and smell the roses, my sweet summer child.

If you can’t stand to be where the bald eagles take flight,

Then park yourself on a bench and feed the pigeons.

You Don't Know Me (Reprise)

I’ve proven people wrong before.

You are hardly an exception.

 

You said I should be single for a long time.

Venting to my friends who were right about you was the real medicine.

And plenty of boys say I’m a catch before they get to know who I am.

 

You said I need to grow up.

But you’re unemployed and you bash a girl that was slandered by her best friend.

I love being told what a snotty person I am both at work and when I’m with you.

 

You said I’m self-absorbed and immature.

I saved an artist you cruelly envied on his birthday from a debt that was killing him slow.

It was the best 30 pounds I ever spent this week because it was out of selfless love.

 

You said you deserve so much better than me.

You tried to gaslight me into thinking that no living soul is good enough for me.

You took the easy way out instead of bearing with me a little longer.

 

You said I don’t understand how relationships work.

That’s all you’re right about because what one person doesn’t find sexy might attract another.

So neither do you.

 

You said a piece of you will always love me.

You were just kidding yourself when you said that.

Some therapist you’re turning out to be, dearest.

 

It felt hazy that I pondered for days or even weeks

On how I was going to repay you for your compassion and charity.

You don’t deserve to know what I had planned for you.

 

If you somehow worm your way back into my life,

I won’t be crying my eyes out like the time when a bastard was unfaithful to you.

Instead, I will stand my ground like a rock and kick you in the crotch.

 

You had one opportunity to take things slow so we could get along.

But you’re not getting a second chance because I don’t trust you.

Does this explain why you claim I don’t love you?

 

Fast-forward to last week to the part where I started anew with another dude.

He’s a scary one that could do more damage to you than me.

He loves me for everything you hate about me.

He’s the kind of boy whose easy to set aside time for

While I hit the books and explore the world because he’s along for the ride.

 

I couldn’t be more attracted to him every time he touches me to say, “You’re mine.”

It’s not because he desires to put me on a leash and lock me up.

It’s because he understands where I’m coming from and he too thinks “give and take” is crap.

Yet, he loves me like the Holy Grail because he tells me that I’m the best part of every day to him.

 

Relationships are like snowflakes.

No two function the same way because people are complex creatures with different standards.

Yours certainly were a mystery and to this day, I wondered how it all went wrong.

Our final days were a thin line between love and hate.

I already know which direction you went.

That’s one thing you and the monsters in my nightmares have in common.