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Your single mother and cousins applauded you because they had faith I was the one.

It felt amazing to be this close to a family that I never met in the flesh.

Seeing them in the form of a discarded diary should have sounded an alarm in my head.

Your voice was so solemn and so soothing that it was like tasting a honeysuckle lollipop.

It was the best flavor I’ve ever had until I told you about the pauper I am providing for.

Then the flies showed up and I spent the next two months swatting them away.

One day, I licked the lollipop for the first time since then and tasted manure in the center.

I wondered why something so sweet could taste so repulsive.

But to my surprise, I was struck by the thought that I should have known.

You found yourself a guy you couldn’t wrap around your finger.

I didn’t see it until I was being bled dry and I could barely stay awake.

I had nothing to offer you when you claimed I did.

So why were you angry?

Why were you cranky?

I thought you were dandy

When you abstained from hanky panky.

All this time, you were still the hurt little boy that was raised in the Pope’s lyceum.

And turned into a lamprey the second I couldn’t give him anything to eat.

If you’re alone and free, I’ve already forgotten about you.

If you deserve better than me, you took the easy way out

By cheating on your test in life and got caught by the pauper.

You whimpered in fear of getting expelled and I was prepared for it.

The lamprey within broke free when I couldn’t look at you as the same person I loved before.

You fruitlessly faked your regret and pinned the blame on my ass to get out of jail free.

I’m not crying not because I didn’t care about you.

It was because I have the ending from that film memorized by heart.

It’s crazy, isn’t it? I know. I’ve watched it several times in French as a student.

I know my worth. I’m smiling in public while the sun is up

And brightening up the night when it goes down.

Thank you for putting words in my mouth when you were at your lowest.

Can you remind me again what major you’re pursuing?

Because you behaved like a patient in a case study at Arkham to me.

Wake up and smell the roses, my sweet summer child.

If you can’t stand to be where the bald eagles take flight,

Then park yourself on a bench and feed the pigeons.

Shame

By JFarrell

My shame stops.

Now!

Yes, I took the sweets

I was six years old

And I didn’t know what he wanted.

The scumbag raped me

But I am finished being ashamed for that.

I did not ruin my uncle’s wedding

Destroy his marriage

His scumbag friend

Was the rapist

I did not live up to my father’s expectations;

A cowardly drunk

Who beat his wife and kids

To feel like a man.

I took a lot of blame for my family

Sorry

No more

Find a new scapegoat.

The only thing I have to be ashamed of

Is that I let you hand me the blame;

And I am so through with that.

The man accused the poor boy of stealing,

He repeatedly said that he didn’t steal a thing,

The man shouted like an angry lion and started beating,

The boy’s teardrops couldn’t soak the man’s feeling.

The man was kicking the boy like a football,

The spectators were like stones; they didn’t listen to the call,

Of the poor boy who was as innocent as a flower,

Alas! He breathed his last after an hour!

His departed soul won’t have to stay here on earth,

Where most of the humans’ hearts are awash with dirt.

Don’t blame me,

Don’t hate me,

I haven’t mistaken,

I’m above suspicion.

Before you file a complaint,

Ponder over the matter like a saint,

I do believe that you’ll find a way,

Since at the other side of the tunnel comes the ray!

Ask your heart not the people around,

Your thoughts’ll lead you to the logical ground.

All these people sad and hurt,

because this girl is dead.

"It's all my fault, only mine"

is what pounds inside my head.

I didn't mean to do it,

it was an accident,

But that won't change the fact

that her body is bent.

If only I hadn't been drinking,

on that stupid date.

I regret ever deciding to drive,

But its much too late.

A little girl no older than ten,

could have explored europe,

But instead I ran her down,

now she will never grow up.

Everytime I close my eyes,

all I see is her frightened face.

I cannot bear these hostile looks,

I am my family's personal disgrace.

This little girl did nothing to me,

but know she's dead in the ground.

Her body smacking against the pavement,

I'll never forget that sound.

Until that night I took nothing serious,

and life was just a game.

But now a little girl is dead,

and I am the one to blame....

now if you get to blame

you have to be lame,

blaming only increases delay

your brain stops automatically

when attention focused on the blame

diverts attention from the frame

of reference for a solution

really delays any resolution

even insurance companies ignore blame

cos it extends the ball game

blame drags any timeline down

creates many furrowed brow

people who are stuck in blame

only one word for it: Insane

assigning blame causes delay

the blamer gets lamer days

be lame if you want to

its your choice choose

not a good choice at all

DOWNRIGHT MENTAL

What do you call it when all you feel is pain?
When all the people look at you like you are insane
Who is to judge when they don't feel your pain
They don't know what it's like to feel shame
To have to blame yourself for all the choices you've made

This is what it's like to feel my pain
It's the hurt that is slowly deteriorating your brain
The numbing of all the words you're saying
Nothing is great when all you feel is this type of pain
Sometimes it makes me want to scream, but whats the point
When no one is listening

i've backed myself into the corner again.
i sit there likes it's the only place that ever felt like home.
my troubles replay on an infinite loop.
the more i change the more i end up here.
my hopes are washed away by my tears.
the fears harbor me and i hold them near.
i begged myself to let go of the past, but my chains are pure titanium!

faces and places lose their impact.
i can't remember what i forgot.
all the nonsense makes sense to me.
my thoughts form but never sink in.
i'm treading water but afraid to swim.
i want one person to accept as i am, but no one cares!

i laugh for no reason.
these up's and down's are my seasons.
i could convict my soul for high treason.
i handed out my heart like it's replaceable.
i keep getting angry at my disgraceful behavior, but i'm addicted to the danger!

fat and blame circle my bones like a vulture.
i can't continue to sustain this new me.
i feel my pounds creeping back onto me.
i can't say i'm eating out of misery because i'm so damn happy!
i fear this will come to a bad end, but i can't walk away from him.

My mother is mad at me,
for not walking the
right way to her office,
with my little sister.

I went the other way,
because, in my mind,
I thought that
she'd see my sister,
and I, easier.

But when I split off
from my sister,
where I would go
to my school,
and she'd go to
mom's office,
things went wrong.

I got into school,
and settled in,
and then my mother called.

She asked me
where I was,
and where my sister was.

I told her that I
was at school,
and my sister was
supposed to be at
mother's office.

But, of course,
she wasn't there,
and I got the blame.

She got mad at me,
because my sister
took her time,
walking to my
mother's office.