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You poor little porcupine.

It startled me that you jumped in front of a moving car.

I wish I could be there for you and help in any way I can.

But your quills pricked my heart when I gave you a hug.

I cannot pull them out or I would die.

So I had to tolerate this pain and let it suck the life out of me little by little

While I think back to when our affection for each other mended every obstacle we faced.

The future was bright for us.

You couldn’t stand by to let me sink

So you taught me to swim.

I wanted to return the favor badly.

But I didn’t know how I could, sadly.

The possibilities were endless when we spoke of our dreams.

You could picture yourself coming to my rescue and growing old with me.

You couldn’t wait to hear my voice as if your favorite show was about to air on TV.

You made every effort to show that you loved me

Even if I have nothing to give you in return except my own.

A year passed and the storm clouds were brewing.

The weather grew colder and attitudes turned sour.

I was working hard and I felt out of breath.

You were studying hard and you turned inflammable.

“Where was I when you needed me most?” you asked “calmly” one day.

“I’ve been fighting my own battles all this time.” I tell you. “Life hasn’t been kind to me lately.”

Please, please bear with me. I’m tired and I’m scared. I’m going to be left to my own devices.”

“You need to make more time for me.” You scream. “Anyone would have abandoned you ages ago”

“If you’ve been gone for as long as you did. Is several hours with me too much to ask?”

“Answer me, you ignorant, pathetic excuse of a child!!! Grow up!!!”

I couldn’t with you leeching off of my aura.

You made it seem like the world hates me now.

So I packed up my things, spread my wings, and flew off into the rain.

It doesn’t matter how badly you are suffering yourself

If the prospect that I need to take care of myself too slips your mind.

I never asked you to help me.

You did so at your own volition.

If you didn’t want to in the first place,

You could’ve answered, “No thank you.”

We could’ve gone on with our lives either way.

But here you are.

You called me immature.

You called me a teen in an adult’s body.

You said I never bothered to do my share.

But my dear porcupine, have you taken a look at yourself?

Or better yet, look in a mirror?

You don’t see the newfound greed in your heart, but I do.

The scholars in my inner circles do.

Whose leg are you trying to pull?

My loved ones know exactly what you said.

They know how selfish you’ve been acting and what I could’ve done.

If you think no one can love me the way you did, you could not be more wrong.

I can admit when I am anyway.

You went to town on me like I didn’t know how to count.

And my only response to your passionate rave was goodbye.

In the blink of an eye, you disappeared from my mind. Your quills in my heart decomposed.

It was like you were just another customer that treats cashiers like their punching bags.

I wish you the best of luck with your own hardships.

And I hope your own wounds heal entirely.

But I am done with you.

I am done letting your vitriol take up space.

I am done listening to you disguise your resentment as facts.

I am done hating myself for what our love has come to.

My love for you was just practice for the next person.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Demeter was wise to tell me to stop getting involved.

Because I discovered that what you don’t know

Was how amazing it felt to give you up and do her work

Without a care in the world. After all, you don’t know me.

There’s chow littered on the staircase floor.

I scramble to clean up the spill before it’s all consumed

By the cat that brought the family bad luck since the late spring.

Here I go, like I always do,

Holding my tongue on the job

While I hear you shout

While I hear you try to crush me

While I hear you goad me to scream.

It confuses me why an act of kindness and good intentions

Can wrought so much volatile sentiments.

I’ve been hesitant to feed the little one because I don’t know his tastes.

Never did I anticipate that her gluttonous habits are what triggers you.

Or is it he? Wow. Just wow.

Anger does wonders to the hippocampus.

My curiosity about how long you’ll live after that squabble fascinates me

But it concerns me at the same time.

Mad people live shorter lives than those that can stay calm when there’s an inconvenience.

To you, I’ve always been the stupid little boy you’ve been raising since thirty-two.

To me, you’ve always been the hot-headed scumbag that loves pushing my buttons.

And your temper is my poison.

Just today, while hitting the road, I thought we’d find common ground.

Keeping our cools while the mama cat is away

And a kitten comes out to play

Before it helps us seek four crystals in need of recovering.

When all that is done, I thought we’d go out for

Bagels and quiche for old time’s sake.

I enjoy the little interactions and activities when your temper is below zero.

Sadly, tonight once again broke the streak

That counted consecutive days we got along.

This always happens growing up, yet I never see it coming.

To you, I’ve always been the stupid little boy you’ve been raising since thirty-two.

To me, you’ve always been the hot-headed scumbag that loves pushing my buttons.

And your temper is my poison.

If you think the black cat is getting pudgy,

Why don’t you take a look in the mirror?

You’ve put on more pounds than she did.

Or he did? How did you get the genders mixed up in the heat?

I guess anger does wonders to the hippocampus.

You’re the reason why I have to keep my temper in check.

And why I prefer tears over beers.

All for the sake of my own well-being so I don’t turn out exactly like you.

Your temper is my poison and I won’t let it fester.

The only antidote to my ailment is knowing that I’ll be out of this roof

Happier than I was living under it just like I was for the past two years.

I know that as a guppy, Mother said to be considerate of you and

I was told that deep inside, you do care.

Sadly, it’s excruciatingly difficult for me not to judge this book by its cover.

I just can’t pry it open to see the pages no matter how hard I try to interpret your rage.

But if this little message hurts your feelings,

It’s a dish served hotter than the volcano in the back of your head.

To you, I’ve always been the stupid little boy you’ve been raising since thirty-two.

To me, you’ve always been the hot-headed scumbag that loves pushing my buttons.

And your temper is my poison. It will always be my poison no matter how old we get.

Why did you leave me

Lingering here?

Where have you gone

And why did you go?

I am left 

Confused

Feeling empty

Lonely

I long to hear your voice

To see your script

To know

You are thinking of me

Love is harsh

When you have to 

Let go of someone

Allow them to be free

Someone 

You long for

Someone 

You love 

Who left you behind

And gives nothing

No explanation

No final word

It hurts

It kills

It boils my skin

Leaving open blister

My heart

My soul

Every inch of me

Needs you

I want you

So

I'm suffocating

Without you

You are no longer here

Gone for good

I whisper your name

But you cannot hear me

Can I please stop thinking of you?

Leave my thoughts,

And take my insecurities 

What you left in your wake,

As you simply disappeared

No words

Nothing

I'm just left to wonder why

Fuck this inner ache

Fuck this forever pain

I wish you'd come back

Swoop me up

And tell me this is all a joke 

I wish I could hold you

Lay on you, or

You could lay on me

What did we even have?

Did any of it have meaning?

Here I am again

Rambling 

Fuck you for hurting me

Fuck you for the gut punch to my heart

Thank you for ruining a piece of me

As you remain silent

And I am simply forgotten

Seeing behind your disguise

Facing the truth

Of the evil man you are

Of the turmoil you've caused

Your hands around my throat

Asphyxiation

My eyes pop open wide

Fingers feeling numb

Justice will be met

No longer are you free

Today is the day

Of judging your character

Sail away from your problems

Feel you owe me nothing 

Sense a bit of freedom

But always let a thought linger

Of the woman

Half fish

Who never stole your heart

But did steal your soul

For I am nothing

But powerful

As I lure you in

With a song

Hold onto the bow

But it won't save you 

Your final calling

Unreleased to freedom

I have wasted

My time

My energy

My breath on you

I have gotten

Nothing

Emptiness

Loneliness from you

You have fooled me

Put a veil over my eyes

Tricked me

Into loving you

You have taken, everything

My heart

My body

My mind from me

Yet

I love you 

I crave you

I yearn for you

Where is there reason,

When love is involved?

Where is reality,

When emotions run wild?

I would ask

But there is no answer

You leave me in silence

To stand on my own

I long to crumble

Fall into pieces

Cry to the heavens

Cry out to you

Never will you be

Mine own heart

Mine own soul

Or any part

Of mine own being

So… let me go

Set me free

Open your palms

And release me

Please...

Stained from life, she ponders words,She can't exist without them.

Chasing memories in her mind,

The ones she lived without him.

Seeking refuge in tainted thoughts,

Never realizing wanted dreams,

Tossing and turning, restless sleep,

Awakened again by pictured screams.

Time doesn't seem to heal all wounds,

It just predicates the cost..

Always tortured in my own mind...

I remain... "A little Girl Lost"