How, And Why?


It's been a while since I've seen you, been a while since I've heard from you.
Your face is the one thing I can still see, and your voice is the one thing I can still hear.
Mentally, I saw you walking, but you passed me, and didn't notice I was there.
I tried to call out to you, but you didn't hear me.

Once, I thought I loved you, everyone else seemed to think I did too.
But all I felt went away very quickly, like I knew it would. 
When I met you, I was happy, we talked almost always, and it was great having someone to talk to.
You were there, when he wasn't. 

I appreciate and love you for that.

I've tried to picture what it would be like if I was with you, what it would be like if I was yours instead of his.
Would I be happier? Would I experience what I'm not right now?
So many questions, and so many answers which I haven't found. 
Everytime I am alone, I feel some sort of sadness, some sort of emptyness.

Not that it completely has to do with you or him, but I think more to do with the loneliness I've been living with.
Making myself believe things could be different every time I find someone new.
But, you know how it goes, and how its gone for me.
How to walk away from something seems easy, but sometimes, people struggle even when they know they have to let go.

Being with someone new is something I almost don't want to do again.
I don't want to tell anyone else stories of my past, and how I once was.
I don't want to do things and not keep it to myself.
I've always been a quiet and reserved girl, I've always been you could say, overly careful about who I allow to touch me.

Doing things with him, I grew comfortable with, and something I became okay with.
Doing things with you, I've questioned, and thought of, something I would've had to grow comfortable and okay with.
Could I ever do things with you, can I see myself doing things with you, and would I ever see and hear you again........but this time, for real?



I look at how other girls live their lives, and sometimes think of how they handle being physical. 
How do they allow themselves to give their all to one guy, and then another after some time has passed?
is there never any regret? Is there never any fear and doubt?
Where does the trust comfort and idea of being okay with it come from?
If things go wrong, how are they able to allow themselves to do it again, and with someone else who isn't meant to be their someone?

And off the topic I wonder, how was someone like you, able to seemingly fall for me?
I am a damaged broken record you see. 
What is there to possibly like about me, how can one like me, and why?
Even after trying to be with someone for 5 years, I still don't know why he chose me........but then there's you. 
Why did you pick me? why havent you given up? Why do you still wish to have me?
What is there, aside from the reason to do with my body, to like about a woman like me?


Are the obstacles of dieting mental or physical?

On the last count the word diet plan produced in extra of 157 million web pages of diet plan plans, tablets, potions and dieting suggestions from health institutions, diet plan companies, nutritional specialists and otherwise – from all over the world. And yet we are approaching the peak of an obesity epidemic which brings unknown mental suffering and anxiety, aside from the ever enhancing devastating conditions being connected to those overweight or obese. With such an abundance of information offered – how can this be?

The trend is unforgiving and is second only to cigarette smoking in regards to the cause of self-inflicted early loss of life, however, delegated its own devices within the next 5 years obesity makes certain to take the top slot. Mother Nature is ruthless in her approach to life because she only permits the fittest to survive and the trend we see today is her response to the results of a diet that is plainly not fit the well-being of the body and mind. We just have to stop, take a step in back and look around us to see that there is one hell of a serious issue. There is no requirement for stats, reports or media news to tell us such. It’s clear that we as people need to make a change in what we do if we have any intention to reverse the present weight problems trend. The utmost responsibility lies with everyone people to act for the benefit of ourselves.

We have to accept the fact that the grocery industry is a host of contradiction in that it offers both nutritional items alongside the very products that bring us to be obese or obese in the first circumstances. This is so obvious in our grocery stores today. It has actually ended up being human nature that profit has a greater weighting than human health, and this is evident in numerous markets around the globe and is far from unique within dieting circles. We should likewise remember the diet business, whilst they represent an air of interest and issue, in reality, they are completely based on your failure to the diet plan for their very own business survival. If they were good at exactly what they do their businesses would surely fail. So who can we rely on aside from ourselves? The evidence is clear -there is no argument.

We might have one reprieve however it will be at some point in the future, however not now. Science and technology is getting nearer and nearer to the possibility of a marvel drug with the ever-increasing understanding of the human genotype and hereditary engineering. However in reality, who would ever want or want to depend on diet plan drugs, possibly a continuous everyday basis, simply due to the fact that of an absence of comprehending about the relationship in between the food our body has been designed for, and the food we consume. Why is it, we intentionally overeat when we know it is bad for us which we are doing harm to ourselves? Why is it, that the only time we decide to disregard our food is the time when we are consuming it!

So, is it a mental thing, a physical thing or is it both?

In order to address this, we have to first take a look at the modification in our diet plan over the last 50 years. Usage trends of refined carbohydrates such as sugar have increased considerably, however, at the very same time, the consumption of fats and proteins has actually continued to be reasonably stable. Saturated fats have certainly become and still is a problem although fortunately now general consumption of saturated fats has actually dropped a little, but still continues to be a concern.

Numerous researchers specifically those associated with research in how the Atkins diet plan worked exposed that the impact of refined carbs and fats both have a kind of dependency connected with them. Research studies have actually shown that refined sugars have the effect of playing havoc with the fine balance of preserving the level of glucose in the bloodstream. This, in turn, has a destructive impact on our hormonal activity, such as insulin and glucagon which are both liable for maintaining the level of glucose to its typical level following a surge intake of refined carbohydrates in our diet. These appropriate levels of glucose in the bloodstream are kept at surprisingly slim margins.

Refined sugars for that reason induces excessive hormonal activity in its attempt to restore homeostasis. These abnormal swings in hormonal activity often bring differing mood swings from that of being happy and content to be sad, on edge, as well as sensations of stress and anxiety or panic. Prolonged exposure to these hormonal swings can frequently cause the whole procedure becoming less efficient and consequently, diabetes can be completion result.

Other research studies have actually shown surprisingly that the result of consuming considerable amounts of fats actually results in an unforeseen human reaction in terms of nutrition. You would believe that consuming food rich in fats would have the impact of satisfying feeling of appetite. However, remarkably medical research study has shown the opposite to be true. Scientific trials have actually revealed that foods rich in fats really induces people to consume more, not less. At the time the results from such experiments were groundbreaking as they totally contradicted the dietary thinking of the time.

It is likewise interesting to find out that additional medical research studies have actually suggested that foods rich in protein have been connected to the response that shows that you have consumed adequate food. Simply puts, it is believed that proteins in some way, activate the I am a complete response.

Then obviously there is the huge change in our energy expenditure. We made use of to hunt and collect food but now we gladly pop to the local supermarket to buy it, or at even worse, have it delivered to our front door. Food has changed from being limited to being in abundance (a minimum of for us), and we have altered from being active to relatively dormant. Move less and consume more what should we expect?

And numerous believe that even the act of not exercising can activate the bodily response to lower the metabolism and construct fat layers under the skin for 2 crucial factors, both being connected to human survival. In evolutionary terms, it may be that you are not able to hunt and for that reason unable to protect food. Decreasing the metabolic rate of your body makes overall sense to protect energy. Second of all, if food is available throughout a spell of non-activity, does it not make an entire load of sense to lay down fat layers under the skin to retain physical heat and secure an energy source during prospective lean times. Perfect sense, ideal design and yet we wear t comprehend ourselves and if we do, lots of opt to neglect the indication out body are offering.

In essence, therefore, it is extremely clear that part of the problem within the dieting world that we humans face is definitely a physical one that is connected to the interaction of the food types we eat with that of our body. And clearly, over the last 50 odd years, our diet has actually altered from all recognition and yet our body is doing the like it has been doing for well over the last 100,000 years. We are in the 21st century, our body is still in the Stone Age. Evolution is a slow sluggish procedure however over countless years the relationship and response of chemicals in our food with the cells of the human body has been cemented and cast, for eons of time.

So, it is us that need to alter since Mother Nature will certainly not amuse us for countless years to come.


Run with it, eat what your body has actually been developed for an effective weight-loss will follow for sure.

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turn the tv up

Turn the TV Up

By JFarrell


You hear my dad shouting again, drunk;

You’ve heard it before;

You know what comes next;

And what do you do?

Turn the TV up.


You hear the first slap;

My mum screams,

Followed by 2 or 3 muffled thumps;

And what do you do?

Turn the bloody TV up.


You hear him start on the kids, shouts, slaps;

Muffled cries, screams…

Ah, finally, silence, they’ve stopped.

And what do you do?

Turn the f*cking TV up.



You see the bruises on my face the next day,

As you have many times before.

You smile and are polite, as if you don’t know what happened, you are complicit.

What you SHOULD have done, last night,

Was turn the f*cking TV off and call the police.



Author's Notes/Comments: 

a personal one that hurt a lot, but it NEEDS to be said

Mind Business

~ Mind Business ~
Sit down, and See, son,
life is not about fun,
more so, money and time,
getting you a clear mind
and making you Blind
behind your skull rind,
‘cause you have an imbalance to be sorted
then distorted
by trial and error
until you’ve snorted
Away the cares
and become less Aware.

just to Be Clear,
that’s why We’re Here.
We Mined Your Business.
Dig You Up,
Sell you Out,
no Need To Shout
About which Side it Effects
or your insecure shit,
deal with it.

We’re Just Doing Business.

We got what you need,
you silly fiends,
We prescribe
- Dope to the mean
- Oxy to sinners
- Serious by tonins
and of course
we Endorph
Running on Wheels!
Please Enjoy the Feels!

Stay seated
Try to smile, be idle
For awhile
Until your next dose.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Psychiatric medicine has gotten out of control. Trial and error is not a safe, effective treatment plan. We're expected to DOSE and STFU! ~ Carmello Yello

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Fearful Indulgence

Is it better on fearful feet

To run from my ghastly ghouls

Who maliciously haunt my innocuous mind?

Or to turn and try a fight

In which I will most certainly succumb

To my ever living enemies?


Enemies of the mind,

Their variety endless,

Just as their abilities

To shatter and destroy,

Fragile and unlike alike,

To fragments of former reality.


Is it so noble

To fight demons undefeatable

Rather than choose a simple flight

Away from tormentous anxieties?

A decision quickly made by a courageous and fearful few,

And pondered upon for lifetimes by others,

Will haunt me alike to the fears

Who proposed the question initially.

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Snap Back To Reality

Driving home from the clinic.

This guy runs a red light, barley miss him

The cops on his tail

I remember when I almost went to jail

My girl at the time liked to sleep around

And no guys, I didn’t beat her to the ground

That’d be messed up . . . jeez

But the other guy . . . well let’s see

Grabbed his neck, punched his face

Charged with assault, now I’m the disgrace

Told I’m facing battery charges, one year in jail

Are you kidding me? I’m just a kid in high school, how the fuck am I supposed to make bail

Long story short, his parents didn’t press charges

Because their son is a dick, or cuz jail don’t need more garbage

Snap back to reality, I’m in my room

When did I get here? I put on some tunes

Not cartoons . . . well sometimes, yes

Right now I’m listening to Say Anything. Definitely the best

He’s singing about the girl that got away

Why do I still let her turn my skies gray?

Five years later, it never ends

The music ends, my brain starts to bend

Snap back to reality, I’m in my patient’s mouth

When did I get here, I scrape all the plaque out

She tells me her problems. I got my own . . . shit

My co-worker hates me. Why? Cuz I’m a dick

Can’t accept me for me? Where have I heard this?

Flash back to the cops. . . Can’t help but laugh at this

My co-workers say I have bipolar disorder

But I’m hearing way more than two voices before the nights over

5th grade me, 8th grade me, 10th grade me, 12th grade me

I got stuck somewhere. How old am I supposed to be?

Snap back to reality. I’m 24

Lying in bed masturbating. Did I mention now I’m a whore?

I’d rather not talk about this me, finish up and go to bed

But the night is still young I say. And you still need to pee

I can hold it in. Just like the screams

Too bad you can’t hold on to your women… cept in your dreams

So let me sleep, I beg and plead

You’re in the real world. This is where you need to be

Snap back to reality. It’s only 9:30

I’m talking to myself. I ask for someone to murder me

I work in a not so good neighborhood

Off of martin Luther King Avenue

But I haven’t been assaulted yet

There’s always tomorrow. I’ll place my bets

Snap back to reality. Been working here one year

Nothing’s happened, cept I’ve grown more fears

Losing my job, crashing my car

Greatest fear is my end seems so far

Now I’m just insane

Let it fester in my brain

I have so much most people don’t have in their life

Including Satan, and a woman that wants to be my wife

I guess it’s true. I do need medication


Or at the very least, a psychiatric evaluation

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Spent most of my life, trapped in the dark

Chasing some sort of light, mindset so stark

I go deep into the darkness, all consumed

But somehow I emerge, hope renewed

It happens every time, like it's a game

Every day wondering, is this my last play

Focused mindset, clouded by negativity

Hoping, praying, for a moment of serendipity

This light that I'm chasing, it seems to fade

The edges of my sanity, they seem so frayed..

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I don't remember writing this. I was looking through a notepad I sometimes write in, saw this and thought I'd upload it. This is the first poem I've uploaded. The art of English is not a great subject for me. All comments welcome, negative and positive.



Split seams untangle the web I weaved

Releasing all the stories untold; havoc soon unfolds.

The walls built over the years, softening my fears

Crumble into ash and dust, all in one single thrust.

Not by violence or force; but by an act of remorse.

Shriveling under the weight of the web, a feeble yelp.

All it took was one word. Help.

Help it seemed was a sign of weakness, almost evil,

How can one ask to put pain on other people?

Now with the walls down, and the light shining in,

Strength is in numbers, we all share the same skin.

These walls weren't protecting, there is no enemy

Instead it was a prison, a trap-mentally.

With the web untangled and the barriers blown by the zephyr,

My fellow seamstresses will help weave this web back- together.







Author's Notes/Comments: 

Finally getting the help I need.

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Oh No, You're Dead


You anger me so much,

I want to kill you.

But that would be too easy,

there's torturing to do.


The blood on my hands,

feels so nice.

The touch of your corpse,

cold as ice.


Oh no, you're dead,

just like I'd bet.

But don't you worry,

I'm not finished yet.


Kidneys, liver,

stomach and lung,

but the fun has only

just begun.


Brain, heart,

need I say more?

I am truly a fan

of blood and gore.


A couple hours,

of disembowling,

soon the wolves,

will be howling.


I think perhaps,

I'm finally done.

And it seems the battle,

and war, I've won.


If I were to go blind,

it would be for the best.

For I'd only want this sight,

no need for the rest.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This entry for today is my anger manifested into writing. Sorry about that. My thoughts get kind of twisted when I'm angered. Anyway, leave any criticism and I'll see you all tomorrow.

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