Against Hidden Poems
We then Sojourned
to that paradise
in your mind.
Somebody said,
"It is earthly."
We then mourned
these bleak eyes
in my mind.
Somebody has said,
"Who's that somebody?"
We join the Excursion
so we fantasize
but never to find
this mystical point
of view, "Have we?"
There’s chow littered on the staircase floor.
I scramble to clean up the spill before it’s all consumed
By the cat that brought the family bad luck since the late spring.
Here I go, like I always do,
Holding my tongue on the job
While I hear you shout
While I hear you try to crush me
While I hear you goad me to scream.
It confuses me why an act of kindness and good intentions
Can wrought so much volatile sentiments.
I’ve been hesitant to feed the little one because I don’t know his tastes.
Never did I anticipate that her gluttonous habits are what triggers you.
Or is it he? Wow. Just wow.
Anger does wonders to the hippocampus.
My curiosity about how long you’ll live after that squabble fascinates me
But it concerns me at the same time.
Mad people live shorter lives than those that can stay calm when there’s an inconvenience.
To you, I’ve always been the stupid little boy you’ve been raising since thirty-two.
To me, you’ve always been the hot-headed scumbag that loves pushing my buttons.
And your temper is my poison.
Just today, while hitting the road, I thought we’d find common ground.
Keeping our cools while the mama cat is away
And a kitten comes out to play
Before it helps us seek four crystals in need of recovering.
When all that is done, I thought we’d go out for
Bagels and quiche for old time’s sake.
I enjoy the little interactions and activities when your temper is below zero.
Sadly, tonight once again broke the streak
That counted consecutive days we got along.
This always happens growing up, yet I never see it coming.
To you, I’ve always been the stupid little boy you’ve been raising since thirty-two.
To me, you’ve always been the hot-headed scumbag that loves pushing my buttons.
And your temper is my poison.
If you think the black cat is getting pudgy,
Why don’t you take a look in the mirror?
You’ve put on more pounds than she did.
Or he did? How did you get the genders mixed up in the heat?
I guess anger does wonders to the hippocampus.
You’re the reason why I have to keep my temper in check.
And why I prefer tears over beers.
All for the sake of my own well-being so I don’t turn out exactly like you.
Your temper is my poison and I won’t let it fester.
The only antidote to my ailment is knowing that I’ll be out of this roof
Happier than I was living under it just like I was for the past two years.
I know that as a guppy, Mother said to be considerate of you and
I was told that deep inside, you do care.
Sadly, it’s excruciatingly difficult for me not to judge this book by its cover.
I just can’t pry it open to see the pages no matter how hard I try to interpret your rage.
But if this little message hurts your feelings,
It’s a dish served hotter than the volcano in the back of your head.
To you, I’ve always been the stupid little boy you’ve been raising since thirty-two.
To me, you’ve always been the hot-headed scumbag that loves pushing my buttons.
And your temper is my poison. It will always be my poison no matter how old we get.
The dream, an early morning awakening.
Past and present merge.
I’m in an unfamiliar place,
Staring at a concrete intersection,
Searching for known landmarks,
Trying to establish which way to go.
Each road leads to confusion.
Isolation.
Echoes of childhood have vanished for ever,
The familiar buildings replaced by office blocks,
And I stand alone by the crossroads, lost and without purpose.
Dreams and shadows. Fragments chase each other as reality and fiction blur and time loses meaning.
Yesterday becomes confused with the more distant past, and the dead live and eat and talk.
Faces alter, although voices remain true. In a dream, two people can become one.
Dreams. A hidden furnace. Or a peaceful respite.
Important dreams. Less important ones.
Each night, everyone dreams, but only some people remember the dreams.
I was flipping
thru my papers & stuff
& I found a signed copy
of Richard Hell's book
The Voidoid.
He wrote,
"For George,
Stay George."
Well, I don't know
exactly what that means
but I can say this
I will stay George
because I don't know
any other way to be.
I have tried
to be different
I have tried
to be other people.
It just leaves me flat.
I can never
actually pull it off.
I'm kinda stuck here
in this persona
which isn't actually a persona
but just who I am
which may not be much
but it's what I am
and I have come
to terms with that.
I've resigned myself
to being me
and nothing else
and no one else no one else.
I yam what I yam
to steal from a sailor
which is why
I am what I am
and nothing more.
The irreverence
has deleted
all fear of failure.
I don't try
to be anyone else.
I don't even try
to be myself anymore.
I just let it flow
au naturel.
I am quite certain
it'll be all right.
I have stayed George
with minimal effort
cuz if you really
get down to it
there isn't anything else
I ever could've been.
by Jeph Johnson
The Urban Dictionary has a definition of "toxic" that looks like it hits the nail on the head:
Used to describe a person who is tainted by a subconscious malevolence or psychosis that affects the lives of those who come into contact with them.
But upon deeper analysis consider the following:
1. How does someone subconsciously wish ill will towards another?
2. How does one not subconsciously disassociate from reality? Reality is the antithesis of subconscious.
One person's toxin is another's medication. Even too high of a dose of the much needed chemicals H2O can kill you, especially when that's all they're getting (it's called "drowning").
Or even air, as the band The Sweet so succinctly put it:
"Love is like oxygen
You get too much, you get too high
Not enough and you're gonna die"
Each person requires different levels of chemicals, seldom does a relationship blossom where no toxicity is present. One must learn to combat the toxins the same way we wash our hands before we eat and avoid toxic situations like drunkenness or addictive drugs in order to live in harmony with all people.
People are not defined solely by the fact that certain elements of their being presents to YOU as toxic.
Yes, fleeing the toxin by cutting the person out of your life is often the recommended thing to do. But if the person you begin to recognize as "toxic" is also enriching your life, you eliminate the nutrients along with the toxins when you do that.
People aren't letters and numbers on a periodic table of elements. People are living, breathing, changing entities who deserve our compassion and (dare I say it?) our empathy.
Is it taking responsibility by eliminating a toxic person from your life? Sure. It can be. But all you learn from doing that is how to run away.
It's easy to dismiss someone as "toxic" especially when others who've only heard the experiences through your filter recommend that. But suppose there are toxic elements present in your character too?
This is why couples counseling is so important. A neutral party can pinpoint the problems coming from both ends of the partnership.
No one person is completely toxic, just as no one person is completely non-toxic.
In the animal kingdom different chemicals in some plants and animals are toxic to different species, where as to others they are perfectly benign.
Instead of always running away from the person consider that it may be the relationship itself that is toxic. Work on that first, because you still have the option of leaving at your disposal afterwards.
If you leave without resolving the relationship, all you've done is left a relationship (and likely torn apart another person) and you've little hope for reconciliation and/or making that relationship better (ie: less toxic). In fact I would add you've created more toxicity for certainly that relationship, but also for future relationships because you haven't worked on improving your relationship skills.
I do NOT recommend this tactic for anyone who is in physical danger or facing an unrepentant toxic person, in those cases it's best to leave.
But too often I see people cutting off a finger to eliminate a wart when all it would've taken was patience and some wart medication.
Then, if it still doesn't work out, you at least have a completely intact middle finger to hold high in the air!
by Jeph Johnson
Unintentional Gaslighting
I go through life with the attitude of thinking I'm right (until proven wrong). This generally isn't problematic until it conflicts with someone's opposing belief or way of doing something. Quite often, I simply let it go or shrug my shoulders. But other times the issue becomes a little more pressing and needs resolution.
When approaching the issue of conflict, I suppose I refuse to "let it go" more frequently than other people, and certainly more frequently than former partners of mine, so if you disagree with me and you're timid with your rebuttal, don't have good reasons for your opinions or are just plain introverted, the result will be suppressed communicative discourse between us, despite my most overt efforts at effective communication.
I'm always happy in my relationships, or else it quickly becomes not a relationship!
I have actually been told my more than one former lover that the problem with my communication style is that I make everything seem so logical.
Because my brain works so quickly doesn't mean it's working effectively. This manifests itself positively as a quick-wittedness, but negatively it means I demand your opinion so strongly that it can paralyze and stifle people into shutting down and not communicating.
My counter ruling opinion reads like a "statement of fact" to a person's half-hearted or missing response and certainly can appear as a form of Gaslight ing, so be forewarned!
But gaslighting isn't necessarily wrong, it's just a character trait (flaw?) I must live with. I believe it's only wrong if done intentionally with malicious intent, but only you can be the judge of that.
My intentions are never to misrepresent something I feel is true. Indeed I am the one who feels like I'm being "gaslighted" or going crazy at times! Especially now in Trump's America!
Contrary to popular belief, I can and do feel empathy. I do NOT label myself an empath however, because I tend to have the gift (or curse?) of being able to filter my empathy through my thoughts first.
Striding adroitly through the garbled air
Never more dapper or debonair
Drawing the attentions of the curious
Aloof, detachted, distinguished
One impulse shy of normalcy
Again without accompaniment, as his own escort
Too honest, too eccentric to play the dating games
Oblivious to the stares and murmurs of the fickle crowd
Destined for another date disaster
Onward into the din of the chattering herd
Keeping a safe distance from himself
No time for amenities, no chance of flirtations or temptations
No corsage to balance the embittered interiors
Wiser in resolve, from vows taken to never again feel
Impervious to the possibility of romance
Undaunted and indifferent,
Masterfully hiding the damage within
Knowing too well the ravages of love gone bad
Never again to experience the horrors of rejection
How many in your party, sir?
One, just one........
Very well, sir. This way..........
Table, table for one..........
ARE WE JUST A LOAD OF ATOMS Artizan 2014
Are we just a load of atoms
Or made of different flavours
Or electronically controlled
To show our strange behaviours
What shapes our personality
Is certainly in question
And if I act abnormally
It’s just my brain’s suggestion
So many theories of the psyche
It’s difficult to chose
Am I an intuitive extrovert
Or just get on people’s nerves
Some people may be quite reserved
And others rather brash
Who really knows the reason why
Personalities tend to clash