Your single mother and cousins applauded you because they had faith I was the one.
It felt amazing to be this close to a family that I never met in the flesh.
Seeing them in the form of a discarded diary should have sounded an alarm in my head.
Your voice was so solemn and so soothing that it was like tasting a honeysuckle lollipop.
It was the best flavor I’ve ever had until I told you about the pauper I am providing for.
Then the flies showed up and I spent the next two months swatting them away.
One day, I licked the lollipop for the first time since then and tasted manure in the center.
I wondered why something so sweet could taste so repulsive.
But to my surprise, I was struck by the thought that I should have known.
You found yourself a guy you couldn’t wrap around your finger.
I didn’t see it until I was being bled dry and I could barely stay awake.
I had nothing to offer you when you claimed I did.
So why were you angry?
Why were you cranky?
I thought you were dandy
When you abstained from hanky panky.
All this time, you were still the hurt little boy that was raised in the Pope’s lyceum.
And turned into a lamprey the second I couldn’t give him anything to eat.
If you’re alone and free, I’ve already forgotten about you.
If you deserve better than me, you took the easy way out
By cheating on your test in life and got caught by the pauper.
You whimpered in fear of getting expelled and I was prepared for it.
The lamprey within broke free when I couldn’t look at you as the same person I loved before.
You fruitlessly faked your regret and pinned the blame on my ass to get out of jail free.
I’m not crying not because I didn’t care about you.
It was because I have the ending from that film memorized by heart.
It’s crazy, isn’t it? I know. I’ve watched it several times in French as a student.
I know my worth. I’m smiling in public while the sun is up
And brightening up the night when it goes down.
Thank you for putting words in my mouth when you were at your lowest.
Can you remind me again what major you’re pursuing?
Because you behaved like a patient in a case study at Arkham to me.
Wake up and smell the roses, my sweet summer child.
If you can’t stand to be where the bald eagles take flight,
Then park yourself on a bench and feed the pigeons.
I would say I miss you
But you no longer care
You left long before your body
And left me alone with yourself
I'm always thinking of you
Everyone says you aren't worth it
Maybe they're right...
But I thought you were
I wish we could be “us” again
But do I truly miss you
Or simply the relationship we had?
I guess I'll never know
You've kept me at a distance
So far I'd never reach you
Now I suppose I've finally decided
To stop trying
I'm drowning into nothing
I don't know how to make it right
I just wish I had something
to intervene my life
Because I'm tired of the hardship
Of the struggle
of the night
Im hurting from the failure
and the loss of my light.
I stay strong for the babies
But my mind is screaming in its plight
To be more for my family
And do everything that's right
I feel guilty when I want something just for me
A little ounce of dignity
But my goals are far from sight
I just want to be more of myself,
of a mom, and of a wife.
Selfish eyes; projected
Honesty no longer your guide
Perceiving the veracity within you
Filthy laundry you cannot hide
Your lips; they wisp so softly
Distracted ears will never heed
A slithering snake so diluted
With only your vast ego to feed
Over time you were allowed
To take your amenities and wildly run
No longer will the wrecked wave on
All the dirty deeds you’ve done
Crossfire rains around
A frail structure that’s left to sink
No life jacket is thrown to salvage
Everything gone within a blink
Fuckin bullshitting games of the joker who claims to care
and be done with his past ways.
Yet the only thing he assures is that he is great at betrays,
But not so good at lying nor creating reasoning's
Of why he chose his actions towards another.
Yeah Jokers got some jokes, enjoying moments of his
Pleasures, kicking back & inviting strays back
Into the spot where we lay. Making his ultimate choice of
Allowing the exact things occur that he acknowledges
Is something I don't approve of, completely
Showing those who aren't there 24/7
More respect than I who's been there for over two years.
But a Jokers got to joke, loving the game,
Trying to be apart of the fame,
Of being known, with me right there angry
And upset like some sitting bum. "Opps" there goes all
The expressed expressions explained to him
During talks, yet it's the biggest controversies on
Reasons his attitude is copped.
There is no stop to think for the clowns who meticulously
Play to keep another down. Selfish Deeds
It's how he rolls as long assomething is gained
In any way for him at that moment, it's the way he'll go....
Marcelina Flores
(Sept. 18th, 2014)
............
"L U S T"
OOOOhhhhhh, my goodness!
Just the word, the very sound of "lust",
Makes the young man's pant zipper feel it will bust!
Why is lust such a forbidden thought?
And causes the fear of God--is it what they were taught?
Lust is a word that is changing in meaning,
And some at the sound of it, sets their eyes gleaming,
They associate with sex, this word we use, "lust",
And right away, they picture a vagina, a penis, or a bust,
But truth really is, many things can be thought with its' use,
A lust for knowledge or power, can also be an abuse,
Some religions say that lust is any "wanting" we have,
Or a human who has sexual intercourse with a cat or a calve,
Other religions will tell you, that unless you have sex to impregnate,
It then becomes lusting, and your worthiness, it will complicate,
"Simple fornication" is to have sex for enjoyment,
Don't tell at heaven's gate, because hell will be your deployment,
Someone said, "Sex without love is just lust",
But there are many babies born from this, who I do declare are the cutest!!
A deep desire, is lust, that controls the emotion,
So masturbation is lust, yes, even if you use holy lotion,
I am thinking that every human being on earth lusts something,
Some lust for winning, and some lust for hunting,
Another lusts for cutting, and another for food,
We all lust, we're human, we're like animals, we're crude,
To live in moderation is the best we can do,
With balance we learn what lust is, different for me, than it is for you.
So to hell with these books, because. they all say a different thing,
Lust can even be loving too much--or giving too much if it's to that which you cling,
Any thought in excess, no matter how reverent you try,
Can turn quickly to lust, in the blink of an eye,
Just live in the moment, with the eyes of a child,
Don't ever seduce your spouse, or by you, they'll be beguiled?
Don't ever have fun, because that would be lusting,
To tell you the truth, I think this is all quite disgusting,
Maybe just crawl into a hole in a neat little ball,
Cause the way the species is going, lust will be the death of us all.
You have to figure it out for yourself, just listen with an open mind,
Don't go to either extreme, and you'll be just fine.
6:35 PM 8/5/2013 ©
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lust
Isanity screaming inside my hollow mind,
begging for forgiveness, an objective blind.
Infernal determination, fulfillment needed;
cutting and scarring my esteem so receeded.
Ignorance without reason, a mystery veiled;
unwanted self-treason, a memory impaled.
The black cat company, a desperate attempt
to rid of others, this external conscent.
Numbness quickly detracting every emotion,
followed by a perceived negative notion.
The sum of my life, instantaneous death;
my mind is taking its final breath.
My eyes are weeping, my lungs are bleeding,
my soul is tearing, my mind is leaving.
And breaking into nothing, a blank plane;
an inperceivabe place, a shattered brain.
A little blank boy, all that's left behind,
with nothing else to call his own.
In search of someone, he tries to find,
but all he's found is that he's forever alone.
Just cut to the chase.
A simple teenage lust will never do.
I cage myself away from him,
and survive off my desire for you.
Being friends is never that simple.
A self-made barrier gone to far.
Once for protection,
Now, left only to scar.
Fell victim to my heart,
Remember?
The one you tore apart.
I'm left putting back the pieces to the image I created of you.
Maybe I'll fill my heart with saline?
For all those tears of loneliness I've cried
Finally convince my heart,
It will never be satisfied.
Testing my innocence
Playing the victim
You said you never wanted this,
I feel a sense of freedom.
I feel my teeth divide my bones
Maybe I'm severed, probably free
And all the while bleeding
At least my vision swims
My mouth's run red and porous
But now I'm not so hungry
I can sit a sorry while
To wait for limbs to grow
When I'm bitten, all I'm tasting
Like rust to old mechanics
Who seek it to dispose of it
Like normal men with purpose
Indulgences or sicknesses
My need to swallow my and me
But stomach swells in passing seconds
My meal is never gone.