tomorrow, maybe


you tumble through my fingers

like knots in a string

I have been playing with for as long as I can remember

I know these corners like I have become their sandpaper

and fuck do I want to be softer


you frame my mirror but

it is still too wide

for me to see what I’m looking at


this is life with just the promise of living

still there are things I haven’t done

I go off the edge when I can’t see the end

I am mourning this like summer

like it is a loss I never had to lose

it is dangling and



I will turn around and everything is gone


maybe they’re wrong of me

these wicked things

but I have lost more than I’ve loved

and when I can I will put one foot in every corner


be creative

they said

well don’t I need the paintbrush

before I can create

before the worlds show themselves to me

don’t I need the small things to fuck me up

so I just sit here and hurt without knowing


I am caught mid step and I can’t stay like this

no matter if I’m stepping into heaven or hell


so yes



I will leave this past behind




I will let go of all the stones under my skin

float to the surface

and be able to breathe




I will make it to the end of the horizon

in time to see the sunset




I will see change and not think shatter-

I always forget to put myself back together

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 3/30/21

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The Skies Have Never Been Greyer

The skies have never been greyer.

I don’t heal from mental scars overnight.

Neither do you.

I overthink small problems and I wither when I make mistakes.

So do you.

It made me smile that we have our own inner demons.

It gave me the realization that I would not be alone.


When two broken hearts get together,

I often dream that they are matches made in heaven.

Because we understand where we’ve been

And why these circumstances made us the way we are.

But in every relationship, it is the furthest thing from paradise.

It won’t be the last time that we’d be walking on thin ice.


You are a sweetheart to me and I won’t forget the way you changed my life.

You’ve inspired me to meet icons whose wealth exceeds my wildest dreams.

You’ve helped me see that they’re human beings just like you and me.

You’ve given me pieces of you to keep me on my feet and explore uncharted territory in Wonderland.

You’ve compelled me to think that you wouldn’t ask for much as long as I said,

“I love you. My life wouldn’t be the same without you.” every night.

You constantly worry you lose me and that nothing in life goes right for you.

I keep trying to do my own thing while battling the sergeants that disagree with my decisions.

Don’t let our fickle position be added to my list of never-ending burdens.


Sometimes I stay the best of friends with people I was fond of before.

I’m never the “love them and leave them” type as long as I’m still on good terms with them

And remind myself that the past is in the past and no one is taking me anywhere.

Not that anyone could anyway as long as I make a living trying to tell nectarines and peaches apart.

Tonight when I talked about it with you, the way I opened up to you was like stepping in a land mine.

I don’t want to keep secrets from you so you wouldn’t fear I’d leave you to drown in a vale of tears.

But I’ll lock them up and throw away the key if I’m put on the spot like this.

Then I wouldn’t let you touch me the way you do now.


I’ve learned many hard lessons from falling in love and interpreting one’s intentions.

One taught me that it’s pointless to disguise odium as empathy.

One taught me that I can never choose what the love of my life gets offended by.

One taught me not to rely too heavily on my other half lest I lose my ability to solve problems.

One taught me not to sacrifice too much when making a commitment.

One taught me that there’s more to life than shotgun weddings and procreation.

One taught me to love who I am before I can give my light to others.

A lost boy who’s a year away from adulthood has given me his by sharing his own disappointments

Yet he still has the heart to resurrect the brotherly side that I had previously lost to a poisonous fable.


I know I want to love

And I want to be loved in return

But I am a free spirit and close friends mean the world to me.

I never see myself as a “give and take” kind of bloke

All because the little things in life are what matters more to me.

Who would want a lover like that?


I am sorry that you feel the way you do, but no matter what the future brings,

I’ll always love you and be indebted to your compassion.

I swear on the grave of my jewel and cousin, I wish you the best in life

Whether I spend mine with you or not.

The skies have never been greyer.


There comes a time,

when nothing fits,

nothing works. 

It is in this time

that words seem lost,

and ideas evade.

What shall be done?

How to take the 

cork out of the bottle?

Perhaps a walk, a jog,

and a jump will suffice

to shake it loose. 

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I Walk An Endless Road

I walk endless an road

locked into a heavy load

Of these questions and fears

Gripping from it's unreasonable tears


As a car roars by

I look dead into it's light

Wondering where it leads

But just like that it's gone

just like another day

As I wake up to the sun's harsh light


I try not to look back

As I attempt to fill this crack

Of this hurt and wonder

Unstoppable, a storm of rain and thunder


As a car roars by

I look dead into it's light

Wondering where it leads

But just like that it's gone

just like another night

As I stay up to the moon's hypnotic might


Do you run the risk of breaking down too deep,

is this what you were wishing for,

when the rain was bearing down on me and together we hit the floor?

did you get lost; caught up in the undertow?

are you miles off the shore?

you're never gonna get to heaven--

but hell's got open doors.

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Equal grounds

all I need back is my peace of mind..
i've been walking down the borders of life, looking out to the vast sea..
the ocean of all that is to be.
wishing to float with you...
I don't want to feel so cut up.. 
the clams at the bottom are so rough.
there's dead jellyfish about..
the seagulls are so loud.. 
but I wish we could be together & completely shut it out.
I know you really don't need me.. so this is it.. 
i'll try not to think too much about all this, until i'm given a better reason to.
I feel sick.. is it just me?
i'm beginning to think everyone around me is ailed in some way..
this is probably true..
for me, it is not use or be used... 
equal grounds is where I like to lay.
this will help mask the pain.... 
one day it will just stop for awhile... 
she'll be able to smile without aching.. 
without tears swelling up in that cloud of grey & blue..
king & queen knocked off the board, your knight's & pawn's crumble, is this game done..?
I feel like this body just isn't me.. it's not at all a part of who I am.. 
I want to break free!!
I don't want to feel like a worthless piece of flesh...
but I re-assure myself, each time this skin blisters red..
i'm sorry I keep letting you down.. 
sometimes, I really just want to fall off a cliff... 
it always feels like i'm being pushed, anyway..
what's making me stay?
I can't stand being stuck in constant resistance.. 
hesitation versus action..
it's nothing happening at all, against consequence.
it's like being pulled both directions & stuck where you're at.
i've stretched so far for the both of you... 
the center of myself is but an empty hole.. 
worn thin.. deteriorating..
would you lie to me, if I questioned, are you all parasites..?
simply feeding...
i'm not here for you to feast upon..
Author's Notes/Comments: 


View blackrainbow0fhope's Full Portfolio

Writers Block

peace is an idealism
and happyness is an emotion
both are the same sides of two differant coins.
psycologicly not possible yet highly probable
at the possiblity of reaching this state of mind.
so many subjects and effects
that dilutes and tampers the overall outcome
many people want to achive this.
yet so few do.
yet from the outside looking in
i feel as i am the only one
with the uncertanty on how to go about this
am i chemicly imbalanced or is it the self indulgence
that devistates my state of mind
all i can give is a piece of mind
due to lack of my high state of mind
so close in prononciation
that it almost fucks the product from being interpretable
well i dont mind waking up alone
and i miyself find that incredable
yet my lack of peace and happnyness is indefinable
yet isolation plays a roll into the solution
but the solvant isnt me its the lack of restitution
even an institution seems a little more desreable
well my outlook on life is my greatest downfall
witch this situtation is nothing but a paradoxal preffix
to the little ironic known fact that i am sleepless
yet i consider myself a dreamer
well more like defeater due to the lack of success
(i am glad i am not in theater)
many people try to steryotype and say i am just simply lazy
well you forgot the underlined message
that joey fucking drake is cleary fucking crazy

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Wants And Wishes


I feel like I am stuck in the middle
Like I am suck between now
And what could have been

If only, if only
What might have been?
What never was?

I know I don’t want to go back
Because I know who I was
And that’s not who I want to be

But if I could keep him
And drop all that I used to do
I would like that the most

But I can’t go back in time
No matter how much I wish it
So I can’t waste time on wishes

But I can change the future
But how do I do that?
Maybe, I’ll never know

All this plagues me every night
Makes it so I cant sleep
But maybe that is just because

I want him to be near me
And hold me as I sleep
Oh, back to wishing

Written on
October 1, 2011

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This was another written to Tom ___. This is jusy a short list of my wants and wishes. I know I cannot change the past, only the future but that does not keep me from wanting or wishing.

Never aload to do anything.

Everytime i try to stand,
somebody comes along, and pushes me back down again.

Everytime i turn on a light,
somebody comes in and takes the bulb.

Everytime i open my eyes,
Somebody comes and closes them tight.

Everytime i reach my hand out,
somebody grabs it and then lets go.

Everytime i scream out,
somebody comes past, and ignores it.

Everytime i get warm,
somebody takes my sweat shirt away.

Everytime i trust and belive,
somebody shows me not too.

Everytime i breath,
somebody out there, trys to stop me.

Everytime i do anything in life, there is always somebody wanting me to lay down and die.
Well thats not going to happen. this time.

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