what I did when you weren't looking


I am the fucking cherry

that gets left on the plate

I am recreating a dirty kitchen

without making any room for reward

I have screwed up all my chances

made this home spell out the world crumble

and kicked out all the houseguests

at least the devils still here

are paying me for something


I can’t usually explain

the things that make my heart hurt

and these people have their own fucking friends

who will tell them everything is okay

they are okay


I can’t usually explain

why my heart has not taken me out to dinner

in a few decades

why my mind keeps slipping down the mountain

why I sit here with exactly what I want

still thinking up ways to make a tragedy out of it


so I publish all the gray on my desk

and leave out the color


so I keep buying clothes that don’t fit

running around in them

and being confused when the world looks strangely


so I keep going out with someone else’s face on

and forgetting it’s there

when I look in the mirror

but sigh shrug and say

at least it’s better than mine


so I sit here and set the room on fire

and when that’s not enough

I strike a match to the fire

and when other pieces of me

come in

I hear


why would you do this?


because I’m not you

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 3/1/22

Best Paper Shredder Review 2016

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Types :

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Author's Notes/Comments: 
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Terms for Thought

My heart beats slower and slower

When someone calls me honey.


I find it difficult to breathe

When someone compliments me for how built I am.


My body is cold and stiff

When someone compares me to an animal.


I make awkward faces

When someone calls me sweetie.


Words of endearment that used to make me smile

Are now like a bad-tasting egg in my mouth.


Words of endearment are bitter-sweet reminders

Of the period of time I felt inferior and insignificant.


Save those words for your pets because I am not one.

I am a human being who only wants actions, not words.


Remember that time?

Long ago -

When I was part of you, 

And you, 

A piece of me.

Life was chaotic,

Stress was daily,

My figure grew thin -

My ego, bruised.


And used. 

Many times,

I came back to you.

What did I do,

To deserve the shit

You put me through -

The way I feel, 

To this day.

How to reach that corner -

To peek around,

and not fall back -


Curled in a fetal position.

Not knowing what lies ahead,

Around the bend.

What is beyond the sunset?

When is a new day, 

Where I don't compare him,

To you?

When will your memory lay still?

Where is that current,

To take you away?

When can I drift to sleep,

And not think of you? 

When will this torment end?

Author's Notes/Comments: 


View foreverlonely's Full Portfolio

The Poison In You

What if I wasn't like you?

And I was just me, and Myself was true?


And if you did bad would it mean I would too? 

Would it mean if I did it, I'm exactly like you?


Would I be subject to your evil?

Would I be subject to your internal upheaval?


What if I am good in spirit,

And you might just rather not hear it


And if I did bad, does it mean I'm just like you?

Looking for an excuse for the culprit that causes blue?


Decisions left to baseless comparison

Myself gone from me, and origin

She tells me so, I'm just like him and her

Do you see my other qualities as just a blur?


Bring my poison, she admits me to it

Determines me as someone else and then she sits


Then, who am I?

A continuation of your deranged views, someone elses cry?