It's Up To You

Hopes and dreams come crashing down,

Smiles of course turn into frowns.

One ounce of childish stupidity,

Can turn your whole life shitty.

Your soul is left numb and cold,

By all the lies you've been told.

Everything you've hoped and dreamed for,

Has once again gone out the door.

What's left now?  What can you do?

Everyone is taking advantage of you.

Where to go?  Where to turn?

Your heart has been left to burn.

When will you figure things out?

When will you lose your childish pout?

Yes, you're hurting.  Yes, you're lost.

Yes, life is taking you down at all cost.

People use you, and people abuse you.

I'm certain though there are those who remain true.

You've got to fight to make it,

You can't go down by just one hit.

You have to hit back,

Strength you can't lack.

You will be stepped on,

If you sit there being a pawn.

You have to be the queen,

You have to be real keen,

This life is not a joke.

Everyday one way or another you will get broke.

It's up to you though to put the pieces back together.

It's up to you though if you are going to live forever.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

April 10, 2006

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Decisions Of Life

Getting your life on track

Is not an easy task

So many decisions to make

So many questions to ask

A, B, or C ?

One, two, or three ?

I want to be a lawyer

I want to be a counselor

I want to write

I want to explore

There's so many options

So many professions

So many decisions to make

So many questions to ask

Here or there ?

Near or far ?

How much money do you want to make ?

What kind of path do you want to take ?

College education / street smarts

Family life / career life

What can you blend ?

What makes sence ?

A, B, or C ?

One, two, or three ?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

April 11, 2006

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I know the road I walk

Each and every stone

The pattern of branch above

All the leaves the wind has blown

I know the ruts I tread

The ditch along the edge

How the light blasts into shadow

The twilight through the hedge

These things, these patterns calm

For me this is certainty

So imagine my deep surprise

When I found them not to be

As if I looked up for the first time

On a long and dreary walk

The landscape all around me

Not the familiarness I stalk

And being lost brought no fear

Being far from all that is dear

Just a shock that into me seared

Made me look deeply again at wyrd

Yes, which bend in the road am I on

Unexpected, to say the least

And I knew not this path had a fork

Though all roads on a traveler feast

Shall I stop now treading back and safe

Back through those hills I know

Or keep moving forward and onward

Through my unfamilar foe

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Making Decisions

These past few days I've been thinking about us,

There's new doors opening that we need to discuss.

By now I should have left, said my goodbye's and walked,

But something so strong is making me wait 'til we've talked.

You've been my strength as soon as I laid eyes on you,

But now as the sands are shifting, what am I meant to do?

You've done something for yourself, should I go this way?

But it means leaving you for a while, when I want to stay.

The future is showing so much for us in store,

But I don't know if it's what we want, or if we need more.

What happens to everything, all we have together?

Will it stay here, waiting, or will it be gone forever?

I'm so confused, it's continuously breaking my heart,

Knowing something I've always wanted could fall apart.

I'm going to try my goddamn hardest to work this through,

Because I'll never be able to stop loving you.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

one week to go til the current door closes and we have to choose

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Missing You

Loving/Being Loved

I had another dream about you last night,

You hugged me and told me everything was all right.

I wake up in our bed, realising you're not there,

And suddenly I feel so alone, baby, it's not fair.

Why should you be taken away from me like this?

I can't hold you, or feel your breath as we kiss.

I'm dreading the day I start the next three years.

You can't hold me tight and take away all my fears.

If only you heard the voices inside my head,

Screaming for you to be at home with me instead.

I can only hope for you to never leave me again,

Because I can't stand the constant bleeding pain.

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Roll Big Mamma Home

Well, another cup of coffee

Then, I'll move on down the line

I'm exhausted with this truckin'

So, I think I'll bide my time

And go on home

Go on home

Yeah, I'm fed up with this truckin'

So I think, I'll roll big mamma home

Well, eighteen wheels a hummin'

Singin' endless highway blues

I'm tired of restless, lonely nights

And payin' union dues

I'm goin' home

Goin' home

Yeah, I'm fed up with this truckin'

So I think, I'll roll big mamma home


Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is actually a folk song that I wrote for the guitar, but stands well as a poem.

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Not Now, Not Yet



Not Quite

If Only

How many times have I thought this?

How many lonely nights?

How many people have I let into my bed?

Only to find they were not in my heart.

I've wanted to care for them all

Yet I've always found a reason to say, "No."

"Not now, I'm not ready."

I'm still broken

Still building, repairing

From that last time

He destroyed me

Hurt me

Now I'm careful

I have to be

So Forgive me

I can't do this for you

I could have let you in

Loved you

But I can't risk it

I'm so sorry

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Old Poems

This beautiful girl no one knows what goes through her head

The fact that shes looking for shelter, love, or that she wants to be dead

People make mistakes

Some try to hide it with whatever it takes

But this beautiful girl let someone get the best of her

Instead of saying no she said sure

Why? who knows

What happens happens what comes eventualy goes

This beautiful girl how could she we ask

But all along she was wearing a mask

I bet she wanted to open up but was to ashame

Now she must take the blame

But this beautiful girl will still be loved shes family

I just hope one day she'll be ready for reality

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I wrote this for my cousin I love her so much but im afraid of what she will become

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I'm in love with the distance

I'm in love with the strain

I'm in love with the battering ram

I'm in love with the blame

I'm in love with the faulty

I'm in love with the reach

I'm in love with the choices

I'm in love with the needs

I'm on top of the notice

I'm below the advance

I'm among the astronomers

Who give me the chance

I'm part of the congress

I'm all of their good

I'm the pull to your pulley

I'm the would to the should

I'm the signal to your meeting

I'm the stone to your clash

I'm the spark to your fodder

I'm the water to your splash

I still love the abysmal

I'm still out of your hands

I make time for the useless

I make space for the mass

I'm in love with your indifference

And I'm starting to forget

The affection we divided

And the incentive we'd invent.

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