Bound by the cities
Bound by another one's pity's
Expect a place to be
Or expect not want to be seen
And I'll take you as walking money
I see you as a pretty big funny
We and I, all have found our place
And you my dear, have barely found a face
Bound to me, and to my briefcase
I'll lend you a smile, but you're a secret disgrace
Find the comfort in another's eyes
But in reality, another girl will have them hooked on their clever disguise
Find a place to be
Or expect not want to be seen
Stuck in a rut
With no qualities, not knowing what
Who are you and what are you in this city?
Gone and withdrawn, alone and all shitty?
Expect a place to see
Or expect us to be mean
For you are bound
What goes around, comes around
You are stuck here, forever with me
With no voice, or founding plea
For you are bound
My slave, to paint my sacred ground
What if I wasn't like you?
And I was just me, and Myself was true?
And if you did bad would it mean I would too?
Would it mean if I did it, I'm exactly like you?
Would I be subject to your evil?
Would I be subject to your internal upheaval?
What if I am good in spirit,
And you might just rather not hear it
And if I did bad, does it mean I'm just like you?
Looking for an excuse for the culprit that causes blue?
Decisions left to baseless comparison
Myself gone from me, and origin
She tells me so, I'm just like him and her
Do you see my other qualities as just a blur?
Bring my poison, she admits me to it
Determines me as someone else and then she sits
Then, who am I?
A continuation of your deranged views, someone elses cry?
When the bitter December air blows and the girl
screams on the street corner, a Christmas list of dreams and demands
in her unrelenting grip, a bit homesick, though she is young,
wishing her poppa hadn't drifted so far
from who he was when she was born.
When at school the boy had day dreamed of staying home
and keeping the door closed--
now amidst his mother's disillusioned cries to be understood
and the solace of the radio in his room,
he imagines himself singing "Blue Christmas" like Elvis
and impressing all the kids at school.
When the young woman pulls a tray of chocolate chip cookies
from the oven and turns on the television,
wishing there was someone there to share them
and so she opens the window and smells the night,
the snow approaching with the wind from beyond the moonlight.
And the young man strikes the guitar strings with fingers
cold to the bone, a tragic tale sung in every note
but his heart beats warmly and echoes up the street
along the cool walls of every home
in search of something kind
underneath the December sky.
I've recently come into
a whole new experience...
I don't know
how to write about it,
so I'm just gonna throw it out...
I've recently started
getting to know myself,
or more specifically,
my body.
Trying to figure out
what touches will
make me feel great,
what kinds of pressure
I need to use,
to feel great!
Yes,
for those who've figured it out,
and those who haven't,
I'm talking about masturbation.
There,
I said it....
Maybe I shouldn't have,
but I did.
And now,
I want to learn more!
How do I touch,
to make myself feel good?
Where do I touch,
to make myself feel good?
I want to know,
I need to know,
how to make myself feel good!
I love a child’s birthday party...the chaos, the gifts...the surprise
But most of all I like seeing our world through a child’s eyes.
At a child’s birthday party their life is full of adventure and filled with thrills
They don’t know in the near future they’ll have responsibilities and bills.
At a child’s birthday party they willingly wear the same hats
They don’t know nor do they care who’s a Republican or who’s a Democrat.
At a child’s birthday party they play together without shame
They don’t see, and haven’t been taught, how not everyone’s the same.
At a child’s birthday party their thinking cake and gifts and snacks
They don’t know of the troubles in Syria or Korea or Iraq.
At a child’s birthday party they celebrate the child and the season
They don’t know there are people out there who will harm them for no reason.
At a child’s birthday party they eat everything that’s on their tray
They don’t perceive there are people in the world who won’t eat at all today
If you think about it we only have a few child’s birthday parties to attend
For when they are no longer children this type of party comes to an end.
They outgrow the child’s birthday party and the angelic way they play
As the world, our world, encroaches and peels their innocence away.
Oh we wish it wouldn’t, we wish their lives could always be this innocent and hearty
As we wish their world would always be just like a child’s birthday party.
For a moment we’re transported back...to when everything was innocent and good
We realize those feelings are fleeting, and we would have kept them if we could.
But of course we can’t...to most of us this comes as no surprise
That’s why I love a child’s birthday party...seeing the world through a child’s eyes
And I wonder, as I think of my life and how my innocence has passed
If this is the part...and these are the children whose innocence will last...
Yes I love a child’s birthday party, it’s so fun and boisterous
For as I watch a new generation play together I think there’s hope for the rest of us.
..........
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nU615FaODCg
^^open in new tab to hear^^
I don't know how you feel,
Only you know that.
I know what can happen to a person
When they have been beat down
To a point where they feel they cannot
Handle living anymore,
You can close yourself off from feeling,
Sort of like a shut off valve is in the back
Of your subconscious,
And you just decide that it isn't
Worth feeling anything at all
Because if there is going
To be negativity along with it,
Well, you would rather feel nothing
At all...ever again...you could care less.
Life wasn't supposed to be like this, right?
There wasn't supposed to be any bad feelings
Once love came to town,
The recipe doesn't call for sadness,
Not now, not ever, and if it did,
It would be like it is
For someone like Brittany Spears,
Or Kim Kardashian, where the entire world
Cares about the outcome, right?
So go ahead, just roll all of those feelings
Up into a tight little ball
And let them roll where they will
Inside your body...rolling along,
Like a big black snowball collecting
All the dark and scary real life things
That you just cannot handle,
Because if you did,
It would mean you have to face
How much you resent the fact
That you were lied to,
Bamboozled by your own
Loving parents hand,
Misguided by teachers, preachers,
And well-meaning friends
Who never had to go through
What you're going through now--
And if they did, it wasn't as bad as what
You are going through, right?
Just let that ball keep rolling---
Or maybe you did,
And now you're feeling it
Roll up behind you,
And as it does, it is creating
The reality you never asked for,
Maybe you are feeling as if it is
Going to just roll right over you
And there won't be
Anything left of you---at all,
It will take over like a bad virus,
And just as you planned,
You'll never get to feel love again--
It only makes you scared
To feel it, now, anyway, right?
But what of your mother and father,
And their dreams and expectations
They have been planning for you?
Aren't you supposed to be alive
For the sole purpose of doing
As they ask?
You want to be happy, right?
You want to be like them?
Making them happy
Is what will make you happy?
Or maybe you are confused
About how you even feel,
And that big black ball
Is really about to swallow you up
And you are scared,
And underneath it,
You are angry,
Sad,
Desperate,
Helpless...
Maybe even a tiny bit hopeful...
Holding on with despair to the
Fairytale ending---
Happily Ever After---
Admit it!! You believed it!!
You believed the lie!!
You may just want to
Make it all stop somehow,
But you don't know how.
And you want to ask for help,
But you are even afraid to do that,
And you have no idea why,
Except for that everyone has
Always told you asking for help
Isn't what you need.
Oh.
You mean the same people
Who told you love would make
Your life easy, wonderful, blissful
Everyday without ever having
Any bad days or making any mistakes
And having to answer for them?
The same people who led you to
Believe that all you have to do
Is say a Hail Mary and an Our Father
Every night and that life
Will magically fall into place?
The same people who told you
That as long as you behave as
A good person, citizen, student,
Then love will come and come to stay,
And now that it didn't pan out that way,
It's just your sorry fault,
Because, hell---they found a way
To make the lie appear real to them,
And if you can't then ---why---
It must be you that is doing it wrong,
Right?
*******************
No.
Wrong.
There is no right or wrong way,
You are doing it right,
And they are doing it right
But it is not easy to be honest
With yourself when everyone
Around you is caught up in
Something that is only real for them,
Just as your pain right now,
Is only real for you,
And no matter who you tell about it,
That part won't change,
Because this is your life,
And the pain is your pain,
Your experience to experience,
No one knows what you are feeling,
Nor will they ever,
But you might be able to find
People who will listen,
Who have had similar experiences,
Who won't lie to you and tell you
That it's raining when they are
Really pissing down the side
Of your leg because their life
Happens to be going well for them,
And maybe you aren't a carbon copy
Of everyone you grew up with.
Maybe you are different.
Maybe you are you,
And that is enough.
And maybe once you accept that,
And once you decide that is ok,
Then maybe you will be able
To love without having to
Have someone else to love first.
Because how can you give
Something to someone that
You never had for yourself?
The choice is easy,
Love without expectaion of getting
Anything back in return,
And never love if it is not
Coming straight from your heart,
And what you get back,
However large or small it may be,
Will always be a bonus of loving freely,
And enjoying the simple things
In life will become your
Greatest wealth.
Or, you can have a pretend love with someone,
Where you perform certain actions
That everyone in society says
And believes love is,
And get back what society says
Love is in return from those actions,
Making love the game society
Has made of it---to make lots of money,
To get married and buy into
The system of material gain,
To be up to your neck
In bills, to make it appear to
Everyone that you have succeeded in life,
And to never taste true freedom
Within your soul and mind,
To live your life within a strictly
Monitored boundary of what love
Can and cannot be.
And whatever you choose
Is what you will become.
There is no right or wrong way,
There is only the way that is
Going to be best for the person
You have grown to be,
Or the person you would like
To grow to be, which doesn't
Involve anyone else until
You learn who that person is
within yourself
first.
Choose wisely, whatever you choose,
And decide to be happy with it,
Whatever you choose.
3:25 AM 7/26/2013 ©
.............
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hoskDZRLOCs
(must open in new tab)
her fingers became as the cloth,
and the cloth became
to the needle,
one stitch,
two stitch,
against the thimble,
snugly fitted around the tip of her finger,
and then the lacy neckline,
resting on the cleavage of my bosom,
shoulders of satin and chiffon
now held in such strong arms
reminding me of those
that lifted me up after so many
bumps and bruises, cuts and scrapes
healed with hand-me-down stories
and fancy bandaids,
lots of love and bumpy roads
to balance the inner raging storms,
as i learned to ride a two-wheeler,
to make my bed,
wash the dishes, and sweep the floors,
plant gardens, drive a car,
and pay rent to keep the roof
above this dizzy head,
that twirls in this trance,
and i still wonder sometimes,
....am i the dancer, or the dance?
2:03 PM 7/2/2013 ©
...........
For young boys whose attempts to fornicate get a "no",
It could be wise to demand she live up to her word,
For you grow in a world too excessively mired,
By the use of words tainted through the educations
We grown ups have inspired,
A "no" from a girl any age can mean lust,
Or a lifetime of labels it can easily cost,
Even if she proclaims it was not what she meant,
Know her words will mean little to the judge,
There will be no one to blame but yourself,
And your name cursed for life, holding the grudge,
Abuse can be real and believe that it's wrong,
But the meaning it seems can be twisted,
Be discerning about this, and weigh every word,
Please don't let yourself be that easily black-listed,
Even marriage won't guarrantee you won't get a dingbat,
Our society's become quite a sham,
Don't be rushed into things you're not sure of,
As the woman has taken the wheel, I'm not lying, this is real,
The world's changing...as fast as it can.
6:17 PM 4/17/2013 ©
Spiralling down, the world turns sideways;
If only it would stay still I could arrange my thoughts.
Take what you own to pay for your own funeral,
A paralysed catharsis,
Trying to crawl its way into living.
A second hesitation hanging on a trip wire,
The explosion comes before the paranoia.
To fight such weak and juvenile demons,
Is an effort wasted instead of walking way.
Saying sorry for sorry's sake:
The changeling reverting to another seed.