PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

 

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nU615FaODCg

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I don't know how you feel,

Only you know that.

 

I know what can happen to a person

When they have been beat down

To a point where they feel they cannot 

Handle living anymore,

You can close yourself off from feeling,

Sort of like a shut off valve is in the back

Of your subconscious,

And you just decide that it isn't

Worth feeling anything at all

Because if there is going 

To be negativity along with it,

Well, you would rather feel nothing

At all...ever again...you could care less.

 

Life wasn't supposed to be like this, right?

There wasn't supposed to be any bad feelings

Once love came to town,

The recipe doesn't call for sadness,

Not now, not ever, and if it did,

It would be like it is 

For someone like Brittany Spears, 

Or Kim Kardashian, where the entire world 

Cares about the outcome, right?

 

So go ahead, just roll all of those feelings 

Up into a tight little ball 

And let them roll where they will 

Inside your body...rolling along, 

Like a big black snowball collecting 

All the dark and scary real life things 

That you just cannot handle,

Because if you did, 

It would mean you have to face 

How much you resent the fact 

That you were lied to, 

Bamboozled by your own 

Loving parents hand,

Misguided by teachers, preachers, 

And well-meaning friends 

Who never had to go through 

What you're going through now--

And if they did, it wasn't as bad as what

You are going through, right?

 

Just let that ball keep rolling---

Or maybe you did, 

And now you're feeling it 

Roll up behind you,

And as it does, it is creating 

The reality you never asked for, 

Maybe you are feeling as if it is 

Going to just roll right over you 

And there won't be 

Anything left of you---at all,

It will take over like a bad virus,

And just as you planned, 

You'll never get to feel love again--

 

It only makes you scared 

To feel it, now, anyway, right?

 

But what of your mother and father,

And their dreams and expectations 

They have been planning for you?

Aren't you supposed to be alive

For the sole purpose of doing

As they ask? 

You want to be happy, right?

You want to be like them? 

Making them happy 

Is what will make you happy?

Or maybe you are confused

About how you even feel,

And that big black ball 

Is really about to swallow you up

And you are scared,

And underneath it,

You are angry, 

Sad, 

Desperate,

Helpless...

Maybe even a tiny bit hopeful...

Holding on with despair to the 

Fairytale ending---

Happily Ever After---

Admit it!! You believed it!!

You believed the lie!!

 

You may just want to

Make it all stop somehow, 

But you don't know how.

And you want to ask for help,

But you are even afraid to do that,

And you have no idea why,

Except for that everyone has 

Always told you asking for help

Isn't what you need.

Oh. 

You mean the same people

Who told you love would make 

Your life easy, wonderful, blissful

Everyday without ever having 

Any bad days or making any mistakes

And having to answer for them?

The same people who led you to

Believe that all you have to do 

Is say a Hail Mary and an Our Father

Every night and that life

Will magically fall into place? 

The same people who told you 

That as long as you behave as

A good person, citizen, student,

Then love will come and come to stay,

And now that it didn't pan out that way,

It's just your sorry fault,

Because, hell---they found a way

To make the lie appear real to them,

And if you can't then ---why---

It must be you that is doing it wrong, 

Right?

 

 

 

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No.

Wrong. 

 

There is no right or wrong way,

You are doing it right, 

And they are doing it right

But it is not easy to be honest 

With yourself when everyone

Around you is caught up in 

Something that is only real for them,

Just as your pain right now,

Is only real for you,

And no matter who you tell about it,

That part won't change,

Because this is your life,

And the pain is your pain, 

Your experience to experience,

No one knows what you are feeling,

Nor will they ever, 

But you might be able to find 

People who will listen,

Who have had similar experiences,

Who won't lie to you and tell you 

That it's raining when they are 

Really pissing down the side 

Of your leg because their life 

Happens to be going well for them,

And maybe you aren't a carbon copy 

Of everyone you grew up with.

 

Maybe you are different.

Maybe you are you,

And that is enough.

And maybe once you accept that,

And once you decide that is ok,

Then maybe you will be able 

To love without having to 

Have someone else to love first.

Because how can you give 

Something to someone that 

You never had for yourself?

The choice is easy,

Love without expectaion of getting

Anything back in return,

And never love if it is not 

Coming straight from your heart,

And what you get back, 

However large or small it may be,

Will always be a bonus of loving freely,

And enjoying the simple things

In life will become your 

Greatest wealth.

 

Or, you can have a pretend love with someone,

Where you perform certain actions

That everyone in society says 

And believes love is,

And get back what society says 

Love is in return from those actions,

Making love the game society 

Has made of it---to make lots of money,

To get married and buy into

The system of material gain,

To be up to your neck

In bills, to make it appear to 

Everyone that you have succeeded in life,

And to never taste true freedom

Within your soul and mind,

To live your life within a strictly

Monitored boundary of what love 

Can and cannot be.

And whatever you choose 

Is what you will become.

There is no right or wrong way,

There is only the way that is 

Going to be best for the person

You have grown to be,

Or the person you would like 

To grow to be, which doesn't

Involve anyone else until

You learn who that person is

within yourself

first.

 

Choose wisely, whatever you choose,

And decide to be happy with it,

Whatever you choose.

 

3:25 AM 7/26/2013 ©

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