(A Letter I’ll Never Send)
You asked for a break the night before I left for vacation with my daughter.
We were packing our bags — laughing, folding clothes, talking about mountains and trains — and then your text came in.
Just words on a screen, but they split something open in me.
It’s strange how heartbreak has no respect for timing.
How it doesn’t wait until you’re alone, or steady, or ready.
You knew this trip was her first — her big adventure — and that I wouldn’t get a moment to myself to breathe it out.
No quiet space to cry, no chance to crumble.
So I didn’t.
I smiled while she danced in the hotel room.
I took pictures of mountains and waterfalls while my chest burned.
I made train snacks and bedtime stories and hid my grief behind laughter.
And when the nights got too heavy, I cried quietly in the bathroom at 3 a.m., letting the sound of the vent swallow my sobs.
Then I’d wash my face, breathe deep, and start again.
That’s the thing about single mothers —
we break in silence so our children don’t have to.
We learn to hold both joy and heartbreak in the same breath.
And somehow, we keep choosing the light —
not because it’s easy,
but because they’re watching.
You might never know what it cost me to hold it together that week.
But I do.
And that’s enough.
Because someday, when the pain fades and the story softens,
I’ll remember that trip not for the text that broke me —
but for the way I refused to let it steal my daughter’s joy.
That’s the moment I realized —
the strength I was searching for in you
was always inside me.
Desperate defiance in the dark
Voice vanishing, vaporised by virtual vitriol
Algorithms amplify absence, abandonment
Words once winged now wither, wane
Trauma's tendrils tighten, twist, torment
Silence. Deafening. Oppressive. Inescapable.
Childhood's cruel cacophony echoes, endures
Rape's raw rage resurfaces, relentless
Abuse's ache amplifies, accumulates
Gaslighting's glare grows, guts grace
A chill wind of indifference swept through the room, leaving me shivering and unseen.
Neurodivergent narratives, now nullified
Vestibular vertigo, vision vacillating
Fibrous fire flares, flays fragile flesh
Depression's darkness deepens, devastating
The empty chair across from me seemed to mock my solitude,
its vacant seat a cruel reminder of my isolation.
Social streams shrink, shrivelling slowly
Platforms purge purpose, passion, power
Identity invalidated, invisibility impending
Self-worth withers like wilting flower
In silence, I found solitude; in solitude, I embraced silence
Yet still, soft syllables simmer, survive
Waiting, whispering: "We will rise."
For even silenced, stifled, suppressed
The soul's song softly, surely sighs
Through the hollow halls, past the empty rooms,
beyond the echoing silence,
a single, defiant voice dared to speak
In the depths of this suffocating silence,
A flicker persists, refuses to die.
Though the world may try to extinguish our light,
We will rise, reclaim our stolen sky.
.