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You poor little porcupine.

It startled me that you jumped in front of a moving car.

I wish I could be there for you and help in any way I can.

But your quills pricked my heart when I gave you a hug.

I cannot pull them out or I would die.

So I had to tolerate this pain and let it suck the life out of me little by little

While I think back to when our affection for each other mended every obstacle we faced.

The future was bright for us.

You couldn’t stand by to let me sink

So you taught me to swim.

I wanted to return the favor badly.

But I didn’t know how I could, sadly.

The possibilities were endless when we spoke of our dreams.

You could picture yourself coming to my rescue and growing old with me.

You couldn’t wait to hear my voice as if your favorite show was about to air on TV.

You made every effort to show that you loved me

Even if I have nothing to give you in return except my own.

A year passed and the storm clouds were brewing.

The weather grew colder and attitudes turned sour.

I was working hard and I felt out of breath.

You were studying hard and you turned inflammable.

“Where was I when you needed me most?” you asked “calmly” one day.

“I’ve been fighting my own battles all this time.” I tell you. “Life hasn’t been kind to me lately.”

Please, please bear with me. I’m tired and I’m scared. I’m going to be left to my own devices.”

“You need to make more time for me.” You scream. “Anyone would have abandoned you ages ago”

“If you’ve been gone for as long as you did. Is several hours with me too much to ask?”

“Answer me, you ignorant, pathetic excuse of a child!!! Grow up!!!”

I couldn’t with you leeching off of my aura.

You made it seem like the world hates me now.

So I packed up my things, spread my wings, and flew off into the rain.

It doesn’t matter how badly you are suffering yourself

If the prospect that I need to take care of myself too slips your mind.

I never asked you to help me.

You did so at your own volition.

If you didn’t want to in the first place,

You could’ve answered, “No thank you.”

We could’ve gone on with our lives either way.

But here you are.

You called me immature.

You called me a teen in an adult’s body.

You said I never bothered to do my share.

But my dear porcupine, have you taken a look at yourself?

Or better yet, look in a mirror?

You don’t see the newfound greed in your heart, but I do.

The scholars in my inner circles do.

Whose leg are you trying to pull?

My loved ones know exactly what you said.

They know how selfish you’ve been acting and what I could’ve done.

If you think no one can love me the way you did, you could not be more wrong.

I can admit when I am anyway.

You went to town on me like I didn’t know how to count.

And my only response to your passionate rave was goodbye.

In the blink of an eye, you disappeared from my mind. Your quills in my heart decomposed.

It was like you were just another customer that treats cashiers like their punching bags.

I wish you the best of luck with your own hardships.

And I hope your own wounds heal entirely.

But I am done with you.

I am done letting your vitriol take up space.

I am done listening to you disguise your resentment as facts.

I am done hating myself for what our love has come to.

My love for you was just practice for the next person.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Demeter was wise to tell me to stop getting involved.

Because I discovered that what you don’t know

Was how amazing it felt to give you up and do her work

Without a care in the world. After all, you don’t know me.

I will not

push past you.

Smear your black into gray.

You will keep spinning

once I’ve passed on your fingers

to hold someone else

when their skin is floating away

when their scars are healing wrong

when their name has become

too heavy to carry.

I will try to make the world know your masterpiece.

But if I can’t

I will not take it from them.

If I want to die

then let me be

just say bye 

and set me free 

Crying on the floor

all alone, like you left me 

on all fours, your knees are sore 

just forget me... and let it be 

If I want to die 

then let me be

dont question why 

just say bye 

and set me free

Let me fly away, far away

far from here 

I, cannot stay

so let me lay, don’t you fear

If regret reappears 

wipe your face, from the tears 

dont you dwell on those years.

So, if I want to die

let me fly 

let me be 

just say bye

and set me free.

i looked behind the curtain,

not out of curiosity mind you

in an effort to save myself.

subliminally i knew you were the reason i couldn’t heal

so my journey was to reveal you.    the real you.   all the years

i naively chose to believe your lies.   what you wanted me to believe.

through no conscious act of my own

its funny how my intuition led me back to you

i crashed right into our toxic ways

only when you destroyed me one last time

laid bare in the hollow of my self esteem

only then could i see clearly

so i bid you adieu with words that once filled me with dread

now i ride like a phoenix

ITS GONE

Trust.

It was a given, though you should have earned it.

A mistake I keep repeating;

As if I am not learning shit.

Every.

Single.

Experience.

Now, deemed worthless.

But you tell me how I feel.

You can tell me if this is real.

Did I make this mess?

"Selfish".

Ridiculous, spitting words like this is a spelling test.

"Emotional".

Memento mori, you turned your back on me.

I'm a human fucking being.

Excuse me for grieving, the death of myself.

Banging on a cardboard coffin.

Hands bloodied, dont feel the hurt.

Don't think of all the dirt gettin in;

Make it up up to the surface,

don't let them win.

I can feel the grass and tug at it rough.

Crawling out, organs a mess.

"Not today, Satan"

I tell myself in a huff.

Tired of going through things.

I've seen enough.

Trying to avoid hurt.

Licking my wounds.

Not self consumed.

Begining to breathe now.

It's like I've forgotten how.

Throat full of earth, I throw it up.

Dust off my dress, 

Memories of being alive with cough syrup.

Walking dead at this point,

barely breathing.

Simply trying to heal.

The coffin I left behind is real.

With a piece of myself in there.

"There lies a piece of Betty"

No one cares.

"A tenacious woman that always cared"

Now I'm up here.

Human being amongst people.

Fucking.

Scared.

Too tenacious to die, too emotional to be alive.

Simply trying to deal;

With things I should have never felt.

These are just the cards,

that I have been dealt.

One cannot control that,

But how they handle their hand.

I cannot control what life hands me,

but I can take a stand.

I refuse to me told how I feel,

My emotions are valid.

I am real.

I've got balls of steel;

They are just misplaced.

I am not something to be forgotten,

Something you can simply replace.

You mistreat me, or try to break me down.

I go Casper.

You don't find me anywhere in town.

I'm a woman, I deserve respect.

But, I get treated like a Leper.

A damn reject.

This mental illness is at the steering wheel.

I get barked at for this so much, I can no longer feel.

You want to control me?

Take a number.

You can't even handle me.

You decided yourself the idea of you and me, was not quite the reality you’d thought’d bring you harmony. Which might have been fair until you refused to give me the respect to be listened to, and express my antithesis.

Now you’ve left me stuck, self-reciting my sour-salty soliloquy. You tuned me out, showing the epitome of self-servient apathy.

You promised me, mind you had no intention to keep, that you’d still be a friend, until you said the drama’s too deep. It was a vessel you filled with full control and intent. You slithered away and then complained you were spent. You invented excuses and convinced yourself lies, of how I’m just as absurd as other desperate guys.

You made me a villain and issued me blame. Deluded yourself to think shouldn’t feel shame. And you expect me to float off and swallow a this pill that you thought might prescribe a sense that i’m the one who was

ill-mannered, ill-tempered, ill-willed, ill-advised to believe we could salvage the best of our times and harbor a new kind of relationship, where we’d grow apart fondly, with memories

clipped to our dashboards now facing separate directions. Yours, pointed to your fairy tale misconceptions. With your eye fixed on a perfect fairy tale life, glazed to subtle the flavor of inevitable strife.

You seem to forget, I got to know you a bit. Buried your nose in your so called “support” that would never

quit to praise your sadly distorted ambitions, and agree that my warnings were trespassing suspicions. But you never allowed them the transparency I saw, to gaze straight through your Disney princess façade.

Now you desperately grasp for validation with your newest unwitting vessel of self-inflation. You mold yourself hastily to fit in with his life. Tricking him to believe you’ll of course be his wife. When just like the dance you put me through, you’ll get tired and look for something else to do.

That poor young bastard has no clue that there is no way of really pleasing you. With your head in the clouds and expectations too high. You’ll ignorantly fly from him to the next guy.

One day you’ll burn out and PRAY begin to see, that if you’d just sat down and had listened to me. I’d have shown you a more realistic support, and stop racing away from the source of your short-

comings, consistently

fettered to your soul since you’re the cause of your own pain-soaked love letters.

But I owe you one tiny note of praise. Your timing in cutting me out of your days

aligned just the right way to set me up in a daze

with the new love I found, who’s a wonderful dame. If I weren’t so angry I’d spare you the phrase, “she puts you to shame.”

She’s understanding, secure, smart, supportive, thoughtful, and kind. She loving, goodnatured, even when in a bind. My gratitude to you is,

I never would have thought, that I’d find someone else who’s everything were not.

It’s in the tremble of your voice as

You lean on me and the sweet

Tears trickle down from your eyes

It’s in the way you try to stifle

Your cries as if I can’t feel them

Coming in waves throughout your body

It’s in that final moment when we’re

Done and you’re “so sorry” but

This is uttered with meaning this time

It’s in the core of me - that feeling of

Knowing this is a sign and within

Moments we’re both ending and beginning

It’s in the way we hold onto each other and

Our worlds are both spinning because

This will be the “last” but we’ve said it all before

It’s in the time that we’ve taken to get here, for

This moment of rapport and soul spilling

It’s the first time we’re really seeing each other

It’s seeing through the walls we both insist on

Building to keep another out as we’re

So very afraid of really letting people in

It’s the knowing that you’ve shown me you and

I’ve let you see more than just my skin

You’ve felt my body and melted with my mind

I’ve lost where you end and where I begin.

letting go of the reigns

the day you were born i knew life would never be the same

and holding you i knew i would protect you from lifes game

you're my number 1 priority and its a job i take to heart

no one will ever hurt you for this world they will surely part

as you grew your need for me slowed but still i was always there

i kept my distance but was still quite near to step in cuz i care

and then it happened so darn fast you grew up right before my eyes

you went from a child so small to a grown up adult oh how time flies

now that your grown im no longer needed to protect you any more

but its integrated into my being and its hard to let go of the reigns

i've been there for you all your life and i know its not been in vain

this is how lifes supposed to be and someday you will understand

that when you to have a child of your own it's instinct and not planned

when its my time to go then and only then will i give up all that remains

when passing over to the other side olny then will i let go of the reigns

                                                  zoeycup16

As I take a bite; It reminds me of you
My heart tastes the goodness of delightfully freshly baked cake
With its thousand layer of sweetness on its thin crepes
Is how you with me at the start.
Your crispiness and heavenly delight 
Bring me to different tasteful moments of my life that I never yet tasted.
You bring me so much joy and sweetness ..
That I become so addicted that causes me with so much toothache.
As I tasted you over and over again, everything becomes sour and bitter.
I gain weight and lose my mind 
I finally stand-up and leave you on the table.
Pay the bill and wish happiness to you with all the blessing of the saints in the sky..