regret

"The Cancer In Me"

I hate cancer. And not because it kills 

But because it fucks with me! Being a cancer is worse, you wouldn't know how It feels

It's a slow, poisonous venom sinking it's teeth inside my veins

It makes me upset people in the worst ways, making them experience pain

 

And I hate hurting you babe, I hate that you hurt me 2

I can't stand the chaos I make, can't stand the thought of you

Crying, alone, in your room what's fucking wrong with me?

It's a sickness, I can't control it, it's the devil that becomes me

 

And sometimes I shed a tear or two, of anger though I bleed

I grin whenever I write these words, I hate, glad you can't see

I'm sorry that I make you sad, I'm sorry that you've hurt me so bad

But fighting through this, we will rise 

And well be together until we die

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X's and O's

When you were here, I felt distant 

And now that you're far away, I feel closer, it's different 

Many opportunities wasted by my past

I shot you down every time, for sex, you asked

 

I wanted to come over, be there all damn night 

But I couldn't give you my heart, my ex consumed my time

But now that I've burned away everything that belonged to her

I am feeling free, ready, willing, and my past is just a blur

 

I still can't say whether we would've worked out 

But I can say I would've tried my best, no doubt!

I would've spend these dark ages building, making you a fire

And if I couldn't make flames, I would use my body to keep you warm, fulfilling your every desire 

 

Maybe every word I'm saying now is hurting you 

Maybe every thing I'm saying is destroying you

But I can't help it, my pen keeps writing on these pages

And my heart keeps wanting to know about you, keep me updated 

 

I'm sorry I couldn't love you when you were here

But it wasn't entirely my fault, my mind was filled with fear

I had just been broken by a girl who said "all the right words"

And me, a gullible fuck, believed every syllable and was left hurt 

 

So understand me when I say that you are not to blame

People fear, laugh, cry but only a few change

And that's me, This is a new beginning 

I wish you all the best and I hope you start off better than it ended with me 

 

:)

 

 

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I should have told you / Ich hätte dich

Folder: 
Songs

The English is followed by the German original

 

I should have kissed when I had the chance

Taken you with both hands, held you closely while we danced

I should told you that I miss your smile

Your half-closed eyes like two new moon slivers

Green and silver

I should have kissed you when I had the chance

 

I should have told you that I hear your voice

Every thought every dream, your quiet whisperse in my ear

I should have told you I'm in love with your mind.

I'm in love with your mind


Don't tell me love is blind

When we are creatures of the eye

We just see beauty differently

And darling you are mine


Don't tell me love is blind

When we are creatures of the eye

We just see beauty differently, we see it with the heart

And darling you are in mine

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ich hätt' dich küssen sollen, wann ich die Chance hatt'
Dich mit zwei Händen nehmen sollen, dich fest halten sollen, während wir getanzt
Ich hätt' dir sagen sollen, dass ich dein Lächeln vermiss'
Deine halbgeschlossenen Augen, zwei Neumonde
Grün und Silber
Ich hätt' dich küssen sollen

Ich hätt' dir sagen sollen, dass ich deine Stimme hör'
Jeder Gedanke, jeder Traum, deine leise Flüstern in meinem Ohr
Ich hätt' dir sagen sollen, ich bin in deinen Geist verliebt
Ich bin in deinen Gesit verliebt

 

Die Liebe ist nicht blind
Weil wir Augentiere sind
Jeder sieht Schönheit anders
Und Liebling du meine bist

Die Liebe ist nicht blind-

Weil wir Augentiere sind
Jeder sieht Schönheit anders, wenn man mit dem Herzen sieht
Weisst du schon, meine Liebling, dass du in meinem liegt

Author's Notes/Comments: 

German is not a native language for me so please forgive any mistakes

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Too Young to Die

Folder: 
Stories

                 This next man I'm rather proud of. He has been battling cancer for several years now. His end innevitable and yet, through all of his struggle, he has kept a glimmer of hope in his eye. Truly Remarkable. To stare Me in the face and say, "I will beat you," as many did before, and yet they all failed. Some I decided to give a second chance, but I still visited them later on... However, that is beside the point, for right now it is his time. This would be a lot easier if his family weren't here, because then I could come in, visit him, and leave with relatively no guilt. But his mother, father, sister and brother are here and thankfully I won't have to visit any of them anytime soon... Sad, normally when I visit twenty-six year olds it's usually because they are doing something stupid, whether it be drinking and driving or over-dosing on drugs. Anyway, his clock is running out of time. I can see the sands trickling down his hour glass and finally he sees me, and that blasted machine is starting to bother me. "Beep... Beep.. Beeeeeeeeeeeep."... Just once I would like the family to understand, but as usual they start panicking. The terror on their faces, the shouts, the cries, the tears... It really makes me hate my job.... Well, on my merry way, I suppose.~ Where to next? Oh joy, a package deal...~

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Hey all! I'm back in school so that probably means I'll be posting regularly again. Added another monologue from Death again, hoping all of you enjoy these stories and I'm not wasting space on the internet. Not that that is a problem... Anyway, some things about this peice; I read somewhere that adding a "~" at the end of a sentence makes it sarcastic so I thought I should try to use it a little. And I'm not sure if I should right more in depth about things that I mention or if I should keep it nice and short? I don't know, but comment on anything you like, any and all criticism is welcome.

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Regrets

My only regret is not hugging you that night, 

not attempting to beat you at beer pong, 

not moving a little closer when we were both freezing,

not letting you know how adorable you looked,

not telling you how ecstatic I was that you showed up...
 

I just hope that through that simple goodbye

you knew what I was thinking, 

and maybe you, too,

had the same regrets.

Heartbreak Hangover

Could this be worth?

Could this be mine?

Do you mean everything-

Is going to be alright?

 

I slept in the light-

It was crowded-

Much more than silent.

 

Where is this love?

I don't feel the same-

Don't know what this is-

Should be given a name?

 

I dreamt of songs.

I dreamt of sounds.

I saw when gravity-

Lifted me from the ground.

 

When I woke-

You were there,

Writing scriptures,

Vows on my forehead.

 

And you said..

"I'd forget 23,

Like I forgot 17."

 

You'd forget me-

Your first love,

Like I forget-

My daydreams.

 

But what if I adpot them?

These thoughts,

Memories-

and the times I had with them?

 

You promised..

"They'll all fade to grey soon."

Darken craters in the moon.

Above

It is dark.

The old ones groan pierces the silence as his back is bent.

I knew he would, I could have expected this.

He surprised me although he didn’t.

A door opens.

The faint light of a single candle shines upon a grinning face.

I deny it, knowing that I know he knows.

It hurt, although it didn’t.

Growth Abundant

Sounds of tribal drumming around a campfire sound,

Feelings of wonder rise as the natives dance around.

There is a comforting certainty within the shamans feathered mask,

Should you ever doubt anything, all you need do is ask.

Heads up: a storm is brewing.

Enormous black clouds above are looming.

The wind has picked up to tremendous speed.

Beautiful shapes and colors are seen.

The fires flicker as she stands watching,

Drum beats resound heartbeats thumping.

Judgement day may be upon her,

She trusts in no one until she is sure.

Poisonous thoughts run through her mind,

As the rain pours down into the pipeline.

She sighs: Will life always be this awkward?

Gathering her strength, she straightens her posture.

Why won't they just be frank?, she cries.

They've filled my head with a variety of lies.

An ocean of thoughts entered her mind,

as feelings washed over of the jealous kind.

She grasps the shovel and begins to dig,

Loving the warmth it brought to her rosie cheeks.

Tenderly she kneads the earth,

With hope in her heart as she places the seeds.

The rain continues to fall: she wonders what will grow.

Tonight's moonlight will be just right for these particular plants

Shoveling a spoonful of dirt, she fills in the hole,

as four tiny mice run across her toes... and it tickles

She giggles at the happening and begins her imagining

of a bountiful harvest just before first snowflake falls.

~~Collaboration by Healingwoman & b.n.souza~~
~~July 4, 2013~~

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Poetry Prompt - On a slip of paper write a list of 15 "free association" words. Use the 15 words in a poem. Variation: Create and exchange a list with another person. Then use their list of words to write a poem.

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It's A Shame

It's a shame that you dont love her better.

Teardrop stains find refuge on her sweater.

And your moves are-

Off in the distance.

Tries with her might-
Cannnot break your resistance.

 

It's a shame that you don't find her sweeter.

Your standards-

So high.

They will never meet her.

And your smile is-

All she's needing.

But she knows your greetings-

Lack the meaning.

 

It's a shame that you won't hold her closer.

But her peers around-

Always seem to toast her.

And her moves are-

Becoming distant,

You might realize-

Slowly start to miss it.

 

It's a shame that you assumed you didnt need her.

For it seems your superiors start to seek her.

And your prescence is less than a memory.

As you become your worst enemy. 

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