regret

Who Am I?

Who am I?
Who am I to be so small and dream so big?
Who am I to want so much when I was raised in undeserving circumstance?
Can I believe that now, at 50, my life could be different?
That somehow, against all odds I could make it happen? Get it done?
I am a person who believes.
Who through it all still clings to a glimmer of hope, of possibility, of greatness. The same glimmer I saw, but could not catch, 30 years ago.
At what point does one say it is not me? I was not meant to be such things. That greatness is for others?
That is the beauty or the sadness of it. That I can still wake anew every morning and for the smallest of seconds, believe in me.
Even now.

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I Should Have

 

 

I used to take a glimpse at you each day
That was absurd but it’s okay
But when I turn around one day
You’re not there, you’ve gone away

 

 

 

My heart began to shatter
I looked down with great despair
Released a sigh in the air
Kept my eyes not to shed a tear

 

 

 

I should’ve told you ahead
This burning feeling inside
I should’ve let you know
How I hate to let you go

 

 

 

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Regret

Folder: 
Dark

Silence,
A moment but not one unjust.
Forgiveness,
An alloy inevitable to rust.
To ask for more,
I am left to be sure,
I fear for what I lust.

For all the tales I meant to cease,
the light has blinded my right to see.
Birthing the monster that has dwelled within me,
time can only determine the death that I shall breed.

As our story begins to fold,
my thoughts have lost control.
Stricken by one,
and to be beaten by it only,
Cursed for eternity with its vengeful matrimony.
Regret...
Nothing..
but..
Regret..

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Gone

I miss you.
I can say this
Now that you're gone.

It's funny isn't it?
I have the confidence to say all the things
I've ever wanted to say
To you.

But you're aren't here.

I see you sometimes
As I walk past
The place where we first met.
But now you're gone
With only my tears
As proof
Of your stay in my heart.

Why didn't you tell me before?
That you'd soon be gone?

Only if I knew.

I would've said
So much more.

I would've done
So much more.

But now,
All I have is emptiness.

Does it hurt?
Just like it hurts me?

You bastard
You didn't even think of
How I would feel
With you gone.
Did you?

I'm reminded of you
On rainy days.

Will you believe it?

You always hated rain.
The loud and annoying sound it made
As it showered upon our house.

But now
The only thing
It showers upon
Is my
Tattered heart.

Even if I cry
Day and night.
It's too late.

I know
You won't be coming back.

So just go
And
Leave me be

I'll just live
Off of our memories.

So just go.

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tags:

If We Meet Again...

You hold back your tears
As do I.

Hold me
'till the night ends.

I worry
That you won't be around
When I return

I'll wait at the place
We first met.

I feel you there.
I see your smile
I dream of you at this place.

I yearn for your touch

My mind always races back to you.
And no matter how hard I try
I realize that

I am nothing
Without you.

I wasn't able to
Appreciate you
Because of my selfishness.

Maybe
If I do find you
Once again.

I'll be able to love you
Properly.

But for now.
All I have with me
Is a picture of you
In my heart.

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tags:

Revenge

My eyes fill up with tears.
Is there anything I can do to stop it?
they flow out.
I want to erase you.
Out of my heart
Out of my mind
Out of my soul

It isn't easy.
Thinking of you

It hurts so much.

Please make it stop.
I beg you.
For all the good things
I have done for you.

This is how you repay me?

By ripping my heart in half.

I feel empty.
I no longer live.

You have made me into a lifeless monster.
The only thing I have to do now
Is take my revenge.

I begged you
To stop.
I told you
It hurts.

But you didn't listen.
You never do.

You flaunt to all your friends
At what you have done to me.

My tears have dried.
They have run out.
Because of you.

It isn't fair.

You get to live peacefully and happily
While I suffer in this bottomless pit.
My heart is gone.
I am alone.

It isn't over
Not yet.
Not until I have made you feel what I felt like.

By the end of this,
You'll be begging me
To stop.

And then,
Even then,
I won't stop.

No.
I won't stop,
Everything you made me go through.

The humiliation.
The fear.
The depression.
Everything.
Except 100 times worse.

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Regret

Laughing, living, smiling, giving,
Helping, holding, Minding, molding,

Cheating, lying, stealing, crying,
Taking, leaving, breaking, grieving.

Never choosing, forever losing,
Forever feeling, Never healing

Forever regretting, never forgetting...

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I don't usually write poems of this style,... but here it shall be anyway.

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The Retelling of My Story

Start the story again,
Change a few characters.
Recreate the world they live in,
Destroy any wrongs there might’ve been.
Build a new land,
Create a new way of life.

Dreaming of my life deconstructed,
Then with wisdom, reconstructed.
Alter what’s been done,
Remove none of the fun.
Take out all the bad,
Leave a life of glad.

Changed all that I could,
But the question is good.
Is that me recomplete,
A new drawing on a plain sheet?
I’d give it all to rebuild my life,
I hate this one it’s too much strife!

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This one is all about regret. But although I say I'd change all that I could, there's only one thing I truly regret but part of changing that would require lots of tiny changes. I don't think about that regret often, but when I do it always stings.

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tags:

Seraphim

Always fighting
My two natures
War within me causes shivers
I can’t hold it
What am I?
A man or beast
A demon or angel
Do angels burn?
Do their wings catch fire?
Mine do
My mind is in torment
It reels from it’s agony
My heart is broken
Again
It’s lying in pieces on the floor
I look up
Who is my tormentor?
A mirror image of my own face
The past self
The present regret
What darkness is in your eyes!
I get off the ground
My bone-wings still on fire
A red halo above my head
And a blue-flame inside my chest
But who are you?
I know your face
My love
Why do you want me?
Look at me, I am fallen
And have further to fall.
Yet she picks me up
My wings cannot grab the air
I can no longer fly with her
I am doomed
And my bane approaches
But she resists my fate
And pulls me to my feet
One kiss
And everything’s alright
My body enveloped in blue flame
Now, I am loved
I have purpose
I have a mandate from the one who sent her
I have the power to love my enemies
To put others before myself
I have the power to do wonders in His Name
And I love her who saved me
Who am I?
I am SERAPHIM