I just wrote a thing in the buss on my way home.

To enjoy the dead 

and hate the living

to be awake in bed

and never offer a giving


Poke your eyes out and hear

Every rock is screaming

                  be it far

                            be it near.


Crying while you take out

the blade from her chest.

"They made me do it!

    I'm weak!

He will kill menow

cause she told him to 

or she will die from his left hand

cause his right was cut

off by a righteous man

who fought for a woman

who never loved

after she was raped 

by the pastor

when she prayed 

to be free

but the pastor had taken 

more pills than

his mortal God

told him to take."


All that ends in hell

started in Eden.


You cry as I cry.

You don't see me 

as I see you,

but you can smell me.

You don't know that the smell is mine.

It just reminds you

of the home

you had

when you were a baby.

It reminds you

of your first love,

of your wife,

of your dead child,

though you never knew her,

it reminds you of


and that makes you cry more and the guilt is tearingyour ribs and your own breath is suffocating you.




I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 

I'm sorry.I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.


I can't forgive you.



happiness, disappointments

breathing, smiling, crying

journey with no destination


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*Once Again I'm In A Losing Battle*



 Trisha Barrek Hopkins


Once again I'm in a losing battle

Lost with no place to hide

As I walk I feel my bones rattle

Once again my heart has died

These thoughts to stop I've tried


Day and night I just go on crying

I have no more strength

Just let me go on dying

Once again to myself I fight

To myself I keep lying

This battle of mine is so long in length


Truth is no one is out there 

Who will for me go that extra mile

No one for me to care

I just want this frown to go away

So I can smile 

But nothing nice people can say


To show I mean something

To let me know they hear

But It's just games they play

Being alone is my biggest fear

Hurt is what I feel everyday


God is so unfair

What is left is hatered

To my heart you bring

A lasting tear


No one with me 

Wants to forever be by my side

No one wants to stay

When they see me they turn around to hide

With me they don't want to be 


I must remain alone

Till my dying day

And my heart

It turned back to stone

No more do I care

What people have to say

Because getting close to me will anyone dare





 what ever I right just read it for me,

I tryed to cry but I can't 

I one to be together like family for summer

I laughed I smile to keep you happy as family

But you didn't care about my real ship

So come and enjoy to being my part of my family

I'am think's full for you that make me part of you family

Be together!

Because this is the thing that makes you laugh happy

Just do everything your family friends to you

Be a great peron like me

I know that I didn't did  any respect full things

But I realy tryed to be a very good boy, like you been to your family

From today I will do every thing like my dad



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I'm Hurt


I'm dying,

can't you see my struggle?

I'm crying,

can't you see my tears?

I'm pretending,

can't you sense my differentness?

I'm alone,

can't you sense my need?

I'm drowning,

can't you hear my cries?

I'm screaming,

can't you hear my pleads?



I'm breaking,

can't you feel my pain?


I'm hurting,

can't you feel my suffereing?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A poem about how I was feeling...

let me know what you think!

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What people think it is:

Sadness, crying, dressing in black.


But they're wrong...


Depresion is:

always feeling numb....

Numb to emotions,

numb to life...


Wake up in the morning, 

pretend you're okay,

then sleep again...

Repeat daily.


You smile, but you want to cry...

You talk, but you just want to be quiet. 

You pretend to be happy, but you aren't!


Depression is feeling trapped, 







Depression is feeling like you're suffocating,

like you're never going to breath again.


Depression is those times when you're happy, 

and then suddenly, 

for NO reason, you become hit with sadness,

and you break down again.... 



Crying those tears,

those tears that hurt to cry.


Your body racking with the pain.


You're crying so hard 

that you can barely breathe,

you clutch your stomach, 

trying to breath or keep quiet,

trying to make it stop!


You sink to the floor, 

holding your body,

trying to hold yourself together.



That's depression...

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Please let me know what you think!

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Who Am I?

I am a shadow, long gone
I am forgotten, disappointments spawn
I am the weeping, in nights silent hour
From society, who savors the sour
I am the dark, stuck within my fears
I am denied, to them and all who hears
I was a dreamer, now hiding within my sleep
From the all of the promises that I can not keep
I am a shadow, long gone

I loved, and I loved you well.
Even after you challenge me hell
I remember, she parted us, you and I
She kissed your cracks, promising you lies
She left you broken, by the dead
But me, I wanted you by my side, to cherish instead

Author's Notes/Comments: 

An old class assignment I digged up.

It was supposed to be more simple and straightforward.

But I remember, I couldn't help myself from twisting it up


Which results with this


I can hear you

As I lay in my room with you thinking I'm dreaming of the day gone, I hear you cutting into oneanother with words, screams, shouts, and insults. You both smoke because if you didn't let anger out on eachother or let it out in a cigarette you'd probably explode or going into a tear soked, pain induced, hatred caused, depression.


When I finally do sleep and you have run out of razors I dream of a world where war was a nightmare of politicans and never existed. This world is where a smile meant some thing and the only four letter words were hope, love, care, and glad. Sad and hurt were feeling you got only when you fell but you went home to your mother and father and everything became alright. The only tears shed were tears of joy.


I'm awake and you're at it again with the razors you found under the bed throwing them at eachother. Some you missed and others were direct hits. PLEASE JUST STOP.

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The Secret's Out



the glistening dew upon

the petals of a rose,

and the


mourning sun



the caustic yet subtle pungency

of sandalwood twirling past my nares



the forest leaves underfoot


a newborn baby's wail

and walls

and walls

of silence


and layers

of denial


shame inflicted

love constricted


tightly wound 

to cover the 

pain of the past


making it last







with dimestore favorites in an old shoebox

my kept treasures

after your funeral


and memories that you left

it feels so senseless






your burning passion




love of country

that was


that gaping bore,

carved into the very core of your soul...

...from war




the depth of compassion in the heart

of a nine year old

waking in the night 

to the sound of



sneaking down the stairs

peering through the railing

the clenched fists pressed tightly to eyes

desperation overflowing

overwhelming feelings 

of sorrow

of shame

of anger

of helplessness





that brandished holes

upon my heart

to watch you

hide your turmoil

 in the darkness of the night



and now

you are gone


  you never knew...

I saw!

you never knew

I felt it too!




Author's Notes/Comments: 

Unresolved grief seen and felt through the eyes and heart of a child, and lingering memories it leaves.

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