Last Day?

Into the depths of despair I succumb,


not knowing which one thy will be done.


With hope bleak and options none...


forsake this day for I'll be gone.


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Behind and Beyond


Behind each blow,

is passion.

Behind the mean words,

is a hurting heart.

Beyond the blood shot eyes,

is a mind clouded by unhappiness.

Each sleepless night,

has a deeper meaning.

The anger comes,

from a place of love.

The slamming door,

is only because there was care at one point.


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My Every Day Life


Every day life feels painful...barely to none human one on one contact. The usual hi or bye from students. the usual how are you but not really genuine.

who wants to get to know me?


suffering from this loneliness

I feel isolated

I hate being a loner

I want to have friends and go out and do simple stuff like getting together and chatting about nothing in particular

just the warmth of knowing we want to be in each others presence...and not caring that our conversation is lame or trivial.

I want to talk to someone about my deep mental problems

to pray together

read scriptures together


Since I left the life of the world

not partying

no doing drugs

or drinking

my friends have vanished

and now I am left with nothing

did I really have anyone to call 'friends' to begin with?

Had I only had God?

Everything and everyone is so fake.


when will they be genuine

am I crazy?

do I come off as insane?

why can't I have a normal life

wanting to throw myself in traffic

I longed for death since I was a child


how long will I have to be alone?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Suffering always


random clouds fill the sky as a blanket of morphed thoughts and untapped imagination. billowing to what seams like the ends of the earth, they multiply with an eerie calm. capable of anything your deepest thoughts can conjure, free your mind. while you ponder your strife, wonder of your worth while you sit and stare, think youre all alone in an infinite space occupied by you as you are in some other place, dont let frustration overcome. soon depressed thoughts will seep from your head and be taken away far to clouds so distant theyll remain unseen by any until a much later day.

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Trisha M. Barrek Hopkins

Deep in my soul 
It is all empty 
Never reaching my goal 
There is no beat in me 
My heart has fallen apart 
Knowing no one really cared 
Knowing from the start 
To get to know me no one dared 
I mid as well become heartless 
Get rid of my tears 
Want to change my inner mess 
All i got are my fears 
Trying to tell someone that im depressed 
Its useless no one cares 
Feeling all the pain 
Wanting to disappear 
Showing that i care isn't a game 
All i want is someone to hold to be near

All i do at night is cry 
My love i want to share 
But i rather just die 
With me no one wants to start that flare 
Wanting to lay by the fire 
Holding and loving someone is the desire 
Wishing someone would look my way 
Wishing they would stare 
I love you is what i wish they would say 
Heartless i am 
You care too much people say 
All i want to be is your precious jem 
Wishing i am strong enough to see the next day 
Im sick of feeling hurt 
You are beautiful I've been told 
I've always known that from the start 
But no one ever sees the tears on my shirt 
But all i want is someone to hold 
But all i get is a heart torn apart

Close your eyes and dream 
And you can be with me 
Love me with all your heart 
Let our hearts be free 
Stick together lets not fall apart 
Inside builds up all this stress 
Feeling all alone and afraid 
I don't want to be heartless 
All inside the pain is made 
One day i will be dead 
Because of a broken heart 
No on believed on what i said 
No one can put the pieces back from being apart 
Im all alone 
All by myself 
My heart has turned to stone 
Put me back on the shelf

Where i belong 
For everyone to walk by 
It wont be long 
Before my soul will die 
The tear falling from my eyes 
No one wants to pick me 
Why cant i have bluer skies 
The hurt building inside why cant people see 
Is everyone as heartless as me 
All alone and blue 
Why cant the hurt set me free 
On how much i really hurt i guess no one knew 
So i remain as i be 
Stuck with this painful mess 
No one will ever see 
That i will always remain heartless


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Do better

I don't always make the right decisions.

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Mismatched is my mind.

Alone in the quite, as birds sing the blues.

The sky changes color as time consumes the

ocean of my mind, and never lets the flower


Mismatched is my mind.

A knock is heard on the door, but he's not

awake enough to hear. The quietness only

becomes louder every second the clock ticks


Mismatched is my mind.

The coffee on the counter steams away,

becoming nothing but dark liquid that

doesn't have the desire to be drunk

anymore. The milk made it's way to the top,

and sat in utmost peace or perhaps as a


Mismatched is my mind.

The desire of everything washed away, as he

rests on the bed, internally weeping away.

The phone keeps on ringing but he is too

busy counting each tick passing away.

Mismatched is my mind.

Constantly reminding me how there is no

one who can see, because of the veil which

covers the hearts.

Mismatched is my mind.

Where the closest people to me only know

how to misunderstand me, so I sit tapping

my finger tips and holding onto a string of

hope that may not fail me.

Mismatched is my mind.

What happens next, I don't want to see. I

can't be dependent on anyone, not even me.

Mismatched is my mind.

Where God only sees, and the rest stay blind 

as the time ticks further-

Mismatched is my mind.

Life is already leaving. When it has left,

perhaps they will wake from sleep.



Author's Notes/Comments: 

A freestyle poem, that has a touch of sadness in it.

My little world

Every time I close my eyes 
I escape into a world of paradise 
One that fits my needs 
A place where there is no one but me 
No more abusing never will I fear 
A world without gossiping 
A place where a person can heal 
People don’t understand why it means so much 
It’s a place where I let lose 
Where I feel nothing but pure bliss 
Situations seem so less complex 
A blink of an eye can solve any mess 
I can make my own decisions without anyone interfering 
I’m a whole other person when Im in my little world  
I wish I never come back to reality 
And face everything once again 
i guess I said it too soon 
its time for me to leave 
next time ill make sure I succeed 
I’ll cut deeper this time 
 And make sure everything ends 
 but for now I must go I’ll come back again 

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What people think it is:

Sadness, crying, dressing in black.


But they're wrong...


Depresion is:

always feeling numb....

Numb to emotions,

numb to life...


Wake up in the morning, 

pretend you're okay,

then sleep again...

Repeat daily.


You smile, but you want to cry...

You talk, but you just want to be quiet. 

You pretend to be happy, but you aren't!


Depression is feeling trapped, 







Depression is feeling like you're suffocating,

like you're never going to breath again.


Depression is those times when you're happy, 

and then suddenly, 

for NO reason, you become hit with sadness,

and you break down again.... 



Crying those tears,

those tears that hurt to cry.


Your body racking with the pain.


You're crying so hard 

that you can barely breathe,

you clutch your stomach, 

trying to breath or keep quiet,

trying to make it stop!


You sink to the floor, 

holding your body,

trying to hold yourself together.



That's depression...

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Please let me know what you think!

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