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I dominte my life,

I control my life,

To you I am a slave,

I have no control,

You dominate me,

I hate myself,

I hate you more,

I long for you,

Ache for you,

I beg you to go,

I wish for your absense,

Yet I still miss you,

How can your touch hurt me,

Yet at the same time heal me,

I feel the grip around my neck,

Tendrils coil and tighten,

A gentle squeeze,

My hand shakes,

I have no power,

You have control,

The darkness grows,

Shadows elongate,

My hand steadies,

I hold your coldness in my fingers,

I feel you whispering to my soul,

Screaming at me,

Controlling me,

My eyes are lifeless,

Like a porcelain doll,

I move deliberately,

I move carefully,

I need control,

I need to feel your power,

Metal peels away flesh,

A burning heat from within,

Deliberately slow,

Line after line,

I feel the adrenaline,

The power of the blood flowing,

The intoxicating smell of life,

I want this to never end,

I want control,

I want power,

I want to feel it drain,

More and more flesh is opened,

A familiar metallic tang hangs in the air,

Again and again and again,

Who am I kidding,

I have no control,

I have no power,

I hate myself for loving you,

Im addicted to the idea,

A deadly idea,

How curious am I?

The sheet stained claret,

My arms are a mess,

A curious glance,

A reoccuring thought,

The addiction to a high I cant replicate,

You never forget your first time,

How close you are,

The power to control everything,

At the same time,

Controlling the power within,

There it is again,

Power and control,

The power in between your fingertips,

The control of the action,

A finishing touch,

No control,

Too much power,

A spinning head,

Those lifeless eyes glinting in the shadows,

That last slice,

A final rush of heat,

The calm before the storm,

I have neither,

Power or control.

The only time Im a slave is when its for you,

Youre the only one that makes me feel this way,

The cold metal against my hot flesh,

I cant get enough of feeling torn apart,

I try to hide it,

Its my secret,

Its our secret,

The way you feel pushing against me,

The break of the skin under your touch,

Sliding along and watching it open like a zipper,

White flesh with a hint of pink,

You push again,

You unzip more flesh,

The first starts to produce round garnet gems,

Slowly filling the space you made,

A third,

A fourth,

upto ten unzipped pockets,

More and more garnets start to form,

Pretty little gems against the pale white flesh,

A rush of heat through my body,

A burning on my leg,

Not hot like fire,

Just heat without pain,

All of a sudden the garnets run away,

Leaving marks like tears running down my leg,

Somehow theyre hotter than the heat in the area,

Glistening and shiny,

Streaks of garnet running in different directions,

Ah there it is,

There is that feeling you always priomise me,

A shiver runs from head to toe like a ripple,

A wave of calm sets in,

The euphoria released,

I feel content,

I feel satisfied,

I feel numb,

I hold you close to me,

You lay there still and motionless,

Still perfectly clean,

Still razor sharp,

Still gleaming in the weak light,

I feel satisfied,

I feel high,

I feel numb.

Shattered shards of self, scattered in the silence,

Anxiety amplifies, adheres to every absence.

Doubts dance, depression deepens—a dire duet,

Trauma's tendrils tighten, twisting thoughts to threat.

Unwanted hands, unholy violation,

Trust torn, tattered—a soul's devastation.

Memories mangle, mutilate the mind,

Leaving scars unseen, sanity undermined.

Family's fists fall, words wound worse than blows,

Love's facade fades, fear furiously grows.

Home becomes hell, haven turned to horror,

Childhood choked by chaos, terror, and sorrow.

Fibrous pain flares, fierce and unforgiving,

Vertebrae curve, a visual of vicious living.

Balance betrays, brain baffled by motion,

Vertigo's vortex, a violent commotion.

Slumber slips away, sleep's sweet solace stolen,

Bones brittle, broken—body and spirit swollen.

Migraines march, merciless, through mind's maze,

Cluster strikes, crushing skull in crimson haze.

Eviction looms, a specter ever-present,

Streets once known now seem a sentence.

Childhood's cold corners, revisited in fear,

Adult homelessness—an unthinkable frontier.

Yet they say, "It's all in your head,"

Invalidation spreads, insidious as lead.

Gaslighting glows, gutting truth's ember,

Leaving only lies to remember.

Fur-friends, faithful lifelines in the lonely night,

One battles cancer—an unbeatable fight.

Isolation intensifies, abandonment aches anew,

As time ticks away, taking comfort, and hope too.