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Perhaps it’s because I miss you, the real you

or the thought of you.

It’s not like I know the difference.

Another day is here and my heart is still beating but yet I don't know how.

How does a broken heart keep beating day after day?

How does survive this hell? 

This torment?

This pain that never seems to end?

They say that time heals all wounds. 

I say that is utter bullshit because it's been almost three years since I have seen your beautiful face.

Since I have held you in my arms and tasted your sweet lips on mine.

Yes I know I could have seen you sooner and I hate me every day for it.

And as my punishment I live in this nightmare that never ends.

Everyday I feel my heart break over and over again.

One day I hope it breaks completely till there is nothing left of it.

That way I won't feel anything anymore.

Because you see feeling this way sucks.

I've tried moving on.

I've tried getting over you but yet everything has led me back to you. 

It is you. 

It will always be you.

I have told you so many times it's you. 

No one can take your place.

Not in this lifetime or the next.

My love and heart will always belong to you.

And before you say the words that you always say

there will not be another one.

I love you forever and always.

I am broken separated from my pieces,

I littered the ground with my sadness,

Melting the face of my beloved ones, 
Trying to help but end up dirty from my litterings, 
Doctors tried but failed to repair my broken heart,
I becamed the famous topic to the society,
I was there lying on the ground waiting for the wind to take me,
That surely would've been better than these days of misery,
I am chained with my sadness, 
Blocking my ways but leading to my end,
Here i lie without words,
Regrets are uplifted and the sky is way far beyond my existence,
I am torn from the breaking,
All because i lost you,
My breath, my favorite obsession, The love of my life, 
Reveal yourself for me,
Have mercy on my breath,
Let me not taste this sadness again, 
Let me not suffer again without you.

Are you doing well?

Are you still thinking of me?

Since the moment you left my heart stop beating.

I don't have everything in this world,

But having you is more than enough.

Even though we don't share our days together,

Just one message feels like forever.

I want to comfort your pain with my love,

And make my body as your shield.

Can we keep this kind of love?

The day you said goodbye,

Our eyes won't meet and you keep moving.

You broke my heart and shattered our dreams.

I am sorry if you couldn't love me more,

And my eyes are too dry to cry.

I call out your name,

I want to say don't go, don't leave me.

The more I look the smaller you get.

I am hurt, please come back to me.

But you never look back.

I never imagined myself without you.

My everyday life became a challenge,

I am prepared but I'm wasn't ready.

I did everything just not to give up,

But I still lose in the game of our love.

Even I smile I'm still crying inside.

I am really okay but I keep getting sad.

I know its already over.

It's now just a memory of me and you.

I keep calling you even I know you won't come back.

I write these words in this poem.

I'm more scared that time will make me forget.

It would be better for time to skip,

And for me to ease the pain.

Because I said goodnight but you said goodbye.

When I say the magic word, 

all of this can end. 

Sassafras. 

After the news I heard today, 

I know exactly where we stand. 

Sassafras. 

You won't even see it coming, 

It'll be a quick blow to the head. 

Sassafras. 

Was all this pain really worth it,

when you tried to lay in her bed? 

Sassafras. 

Even though I hate the bitch,

I'm glad she stood her ground. 

Sassafras.

I wish I could have seen your face

when she "sadly" turned you down. 

Sassafras. 

Now everyone is talking 

you're the joke of the town

Sassafras. 

Where are you going to turn

now that no one is around?

Sassafras. 

None of this is my fault,

but I should have seen the signs.

Sassafras. 

Should have looked a little closer,

should have read between the lines. 

Sassafras. 

I thought we were in love

when I looked into your eyes.

Sassafras.

But now I know it's true,

that even love is blind. 

Sassafras. 

The sun shone brightly today
It was beautiful 
Or so they tell me

I saw it
I know it was there
But I couldn’t feel its presence

Everything is dark in my world
As another day passes without you
Another day without warmth 
Another day without light
Another day like every other
Since you’ve been gone 

Shining sun 
Skies of azure blue 
And fluffy white clouds

But none of them exist in my world anymore 

There is no color
There is no hue 
Everywhere I turn 
I see nothing but the absence of you 

When will it shine again?
I don’t know 
My sun is gone 
And I don’t know if he will come back 

I am the moon 
Trapped in eclipse 
Invisible and silent 
Cold and dark 
The world is between us 
And your light cannot shine on me 
Now I’m just a sphere 
Void of life
I emanate nothing 

And here all I can do 
Is wait for the earth to move
For this barrier to pass
So your light will shine on me 
Then I will reflect your brilliance
Then I will radiate your light 
And finally enveloped in your love
I will be beautiful again.

Jrh ~;;~ 

.

Sun in Rise

Morning arrived, absent of sun -
air deluged by darkened dawn
Folds the day with bleak like night,
cast in black - disquiet to mind

Descends the world - far to shadows,
a place once graced by gathered light
All aglow while yesterday was here,
tomorrow came bringing luster's end

With falter till fall - awash in tears,
every loss shed from anguished eyes
Listen closely, they'll bear love's name,
each carrying another dream away

Held so dear - last imagined hope,
together forever in just a while
Self's final truth resides within,
moments wished belong to past

Free to seek and love again,
shattered hearts - deserving mend
Place your tears inside a smile,
soon to find - a new sun in rise

*************************

Judged by a heart instead of mind,
once a rose - whose beauty failed
I loved you dearly - sweetness adored,
then all withered - turning to thorns

© C.E.Vance

I am a shadow, long gone
I am forgotten, disappointments spawn
I am the weeping, in nights silent hour
From society, who savors the sour
I am the dark, stuck within my fears
I am denied, to them and all who hears
I was a dreamer, now hiding within my sleep
From the all of the promises that I can not keep
I am a shadow, long gone

I loved, and I loved you well.
Even after you challenge me hell
I remember, she parted us, you and I
She kissed your cracks, promising you lies
She left you broken, by the dead
But me, I wanted you by my side, to cherish instead

I'll write your name upon this paper

next to mine in a heart

with forever as a waver

till death do us part

Mrs. Insert your name here

that's the way it should've been

your name, now a puddle from tears

written with the ink of a washable pen

what happened to the fairy tale

I never did believe

until the day I looked in your blue eyes

and saw what could be

now my dream is just a dream

that will never come true

because a fairy tale won't happen

if there is no you

now I spend my nights alone

wishing I was her

and all day I stare at my phone

hoping to see your number

that new girl, she's the lucky one

I hope she knows what she has

because for you, I'd give the sun

for one more night in your hands.