When the man of the house threatens to put a leash on you,
The best step now is to see yourself out to force him to rue.
in what dark recesses of torture remain
exists a dreaded seed for us to obtain
to keep us sane and deliver us from evil
so goes the creed of an everlasting people
unending doubt resonates to be
impermanance rooted in an everlasting dream
scarcity of hope glimmering in dusk
prevention of fortune in a world of luck
forever told from stories past
eerily reminiscent of perpetual task
systems of new destroyed wisdom once known
for all apart of a world unsown
grimmace and malice plagued once more
in dire times that conjured vile scorn
but it was hope that was given once last chance
now grows a tree from the seed of our past
Mommy, Jessie tried to attack me with a weed eater
My sister tried to stab me.
It’s a nightmare Feeder. I was only 4.
Mommy are we poor? You lied. Daddies not a woman beater
Hotshot was my favorite transformer
Armada. Got dreaming I could be a performer
Playing with my pets and throwing fits.
I was 5 when my dad showed me a girl and her tits
Cinnamon, Corey, Charlie you will all be missed
A child with his mind tumbled. He was troubled.
“Baby, you’re so spoiled”
A couple years went by and my brother left the house,
I started to pounce. Like a cat. What happened to my cats.
Knowing my step dad they were taken out and smashed with a bat
til they felt pain or were slain.
Hiding under the mat I sat.
A fucking shame and my mom divorced my father.
Fucking lame. You don’t understand me.
Fuck off. Ill never be the same.
Said I was Autistic. But you misdiagnosed!
Stop trying to pass the blame
Stop trying to pretend you’re optimistic.
I don’t need a psychiatrist looking at all my problems.
Only I can solve them.
Oh sweet, sweet love
This day is meant for us
This day of passion and romance
With a hint of lust
Your crimson lips I yearn for
Your crimson lips that stain
Each and every memory
Helping me stay sane
Memories with a scent
Only your presence can leave
Another lost breathe,
That has been taken from me
Eyes molded in every thought
Angelic flesh beside me; lay
Sensations left on my skin
Reminders of the day
Traces of you are found
Intertwining with my heart
Footprint after footprint
A perfect love to impart
A day so sublime
A night so ideal
Today is meant for us
Flawlessly surreal
Untitled Repose
Because I am an emotional man, Who has it in his head that emotions are irrational, And whom in the absurdity of this misery, Prefers to hold the hand of these abstractions,
So then as my pen touches down on paper, I am made whole and then released to roam.
Thus it is to be, That the young and growing poets dream, Is ever to remain alive in the hungry heart, Of said endless illusion.
On the whiteness of this page, Past the singular threads bleached black,
Lays the grunt of the imagination grazing on the plane of our reality,
And in this native hue of resolution,
~Like Others Past~
I am none the less:
“Sicklied o’er with the pale cast of thought’’
And all my sins remembered,
To watch the time
During these hours I am alive.
I feel and love,
Most notably the lack, and with that hunger, thirst.
For I know not what is my hope.
I know not It nor the absence of knowing it.
One might say I face a grimmer fate...
To not know anything at all.
But this crimson destiny is nothing short of an adventure!
Yes, and what I face, I will face with a shining smile of optimism.
Let it be shrouded in misty darkness,
Or be blanketed by the blinding lights of the morning sun,
But I will face whatever fate come fort.
And to these lonely moments,
That come to me in wait,
And with their presence mock,
I bid to them a word or two,
For it is they that keep me sane,
Enough at least to walk as if I were.
There's a man standing
outside my window
On his back,
he wears a sheathed sword
He paces back and forth
in the parking lot
Talking to himself
as he pulls out his blade
This town is strange
Is this man deranged?
He doesn't seem sane
As he stands in the rain
My recollections are making me change,
making me turn psychotic. This rage,
it's making me cave, opposite of brave,
I just want to start over and behave.
I've lost contact with reality,
and I'm bound to mental simplicity,
consisting of nightmares passed, true.
Before I fall, erase me, replace me,
with an unknowing, undamaged clone.
I don't want memories, I want to be free.
I want to peacefully, alone, go home.
I just want to calm down.
I need to calm down.
I don't want to be bound.
I am forever bound.
I am lost in how to solve this;
proof is in the scars, hard to miss.
I don't admit my problem out of fear;
I see only but shame in the mirror.
I refuse pills, and I refuse therapy,
for they will not once ever help me.
I need elimination;
obliteration if these thoughts.
I need to find a way, mind how they
slit my dreams, see them sit and rot.
I can't do it, go through with it.
My cowaring mind, endless demise,
won't let me end it all, but calls
to my inner self, my peaceful paradise
of images so right, so unlike
reality in its way to forgive me,
live in me; let me sit and be free.
Only one choice lies possible.
It denies in replies to take a toll
on my sanity. Don't you see? I can't stop.
I'm not as strong as you thought I wasn't.
The choice is to sit, so delicately sit,
and fit into my mask, slip it on.
It's so beautiful, it's so perfectly wrong.
The tears drop through, but I'm still in denial.
They can see naught but my pretty smile.
When the day is over and dusk turns to dawn,
my mask, still a smile. My soul forever gone.
The knife cuts and the holder bleeds
All for love, but it's respect she needs
The stone eyed men foster madness
In their prey they nourish a seed of sadness
Black and blue is what they give
They care not for her soul to live
The nymph can't see colors, she craves more pain
Pleasing and pleading is her most walked lane
At night she sleeps and her bruises weep
But the cravings are wounds even more deep
Beauty stained with a Spanish whip
The beholder holds her reality's grip
She wakes in chains
Standing up to gods
Thoughts so vain