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There is only one guy

That has ever seen

Behind my mask

No one else ever could

Handle the truth of me

That’s why I never

Removed the mask

But one guy has and

He has always stayed

Where everyone else

Would see just a glimpse

And take off, never to return

This guy has strength

And determination, too

And the will to deal

With me no matter how

Upset, angry, depressed, pissed off

I can be, your still here

So I will stay with you

For a while, until you

Give me reason to change it

~Chrystal

Written on

June 14, 2013

I had this Dream about a Year ago and I forgot to post it on here so here it is.... I must say this dream was unbelievably creepy. My cousin, who is going to college for producing films, wanted to use this dream for one of his short films, lol. It's an interesting dream to say the least... Anyway, here it goes:

Pig Mask Dream 9/20/2012 

I was in this trailer with this kid and my in-laws and Jeff (My Husband). There were huge fish tanks everywhere with bizzar looking fish in them. I was wanting to take the fish tanks home and as I was walking to the door there was a panic.

The little kid started screaming. And one of my in-law's said "Someone is at the door". I was spooked. The door had a window with a light colored curtian covering it and I could see the shilloette of a man through it. I freaked and we all ran to the back room.

We heard banging from outside the trailer. We kept going from room to room. This trailer seemed to be growing rooms! Then the banging stopped and I told the kid it hide by the side of the bed of the room we were in. I walked out into the hallway and looked out the window, and there were these men in pig masks looking through the windows and they started banging on the windows and trailer again.

I ran to make sure the door was locked and make sure no one had got inside. Then I looked out the window and saw a riot going on. People were swinggin chains, carrying weapons and shooting guns, and running in the street around the trailer!

I ran back to the room that the kid was in and it was just me and the kid there. I looked into the next room and there was this girl in her underwear hunched down in the dark room and her hair was long and black and it covered her and part of the floor. She was breathing very heavily.

I was so afraid to go into the room so I slwoly backed away and when I turned around the kid I was with had changed. He had black as cole eyes and huge bags and was completely pail and he just stared at me. Then I woke up. 

My recollections are making me change,

making me turn psychotic. This rage,

it's making me cave, opposite of brave,

I just want to start over and behave.

I've lost contact with reality,

and I'm bound to mental simplicity,

consisting of nightmares passed, true.

Before I fall, erase me, replace me,

with an unknowing, undamaged clone.

I don't want memories, I want to be free.

I want to peacefully, alone, go home.

I just want to calm down.

I need to calm down.

I don't want to be bound.

I am forever bound.

I am lost in how to solve this;

proof is in the scars, hard to miss.

I don't admit my problem out of fear;

I see only but shame in the mirror.

I refuse pills, and I refuse therapy,

for they will not once ever help me.

I need elimination;

obliteration if these thoughts.

I need to find a way, mind how they

slit my dreams, see them sit and rot.

I can't do it, go through with it.

My cowaring mind, endless demise,

won't let me end it all, but calls

to my inner self, my peaceful paradise

of images so right, so unlike

reality in its way to forgive me,

live in me; let me sit and be free.

Only one choice lies possible.

It denies in replies to take a toll

on my sanity. Don't you see? I can't stop.

I'm not as strong as you thought I wasn't.

The choice is to sit, so delicately sit,

and fit into my mask, slip it on.

It's so beautiful, it's so perfectly wrong.

The tears drop through, but I'm still in denial.

They can see naught but my pretty smile.

When the day is over and dusk turns to dawn,

my mask, still a smile. My soul forever gone.

mask cracked.. tear spills out.
sudden shock as world turns real..
flash as wave of substance washes out..
echo as awareness of reality bounces back..
reminds me that you are leaving me..
hearts once met paths now taken in other directions
still a friend to me..
memory carried
coloring everyday
with lessons learned from
our meeting and divide..
mask carried to speak to a blind world
cracks as shape of society
falls away in the dust..
only my own voice to
be spoken
only own actions to be
carried out..
hands await the embrace
of a body
they are already destined to touch..
but today
i watch mask crack
and fall away

I know your fears
Your tears
When you think no-one’s around
And break down under the façade
The mask you use to hide yourself
I am there, my hand outstretched
But you do not see it
You cannot see it
Do you not know
The walls you’ve built are a one way mirror?
I can see in, but you cannot see a way out
The gates you built to protect you are enclosing around you
Can’t you feel their pressure?
Can’t you hear my voice?

I see the past pain
Engraved by your own hands
On your arms and legs
I see the fear you have
That someone can look past your shadows
And see you
A little girl with tears in her eyes
Trying desperately to be brave

I can see you

And all this time, you thought it infatuation perhaps?
Why I stay around
Why I care
Why I’m always there
Why I support you
Why I pray for you
It’s not a passing craze on my part
It’s love
And because of that, I want to see you reach for the stars
To become better than you are now
To heal the scars that just won’t go away
To find the strength to fight another day
I don’t care if you love me back
I don’t care if you feel indebted
Forget it
Because this isn’t about me
I live through you
Can’t you feel it?

Faceless fear
Brilliant Courage
My angel my innocence
My demon my instinct
The devil in my head
The angel in my heart
What is my face
Harder to find
Always fighting
Never resting
One would set me free
The other takes control of me
I want the angel
While I court the devil
Who will win my heart
Undecided
But until we have faces
We will always wear a mask

Yea every niqqa has a cloak // dats better left unprovoked // it hides in a disguise // while it spies and decides // quick with the eyes // it slowly personifies // as it cannibalize everything dats sane inside // so u can't hypothesize what it characterized // just be prepare to lose your hair as you will scream in despair // I tell you now don't be scared as it only comes out once a year // some say he's all about trickery but it prefers the term chicanery // an art of delight dat it has perfect // u give it a treat or you'll get decked // it doesn't matter which u select // cuz either or it will reject // it just wants to laugh before it rest // it wants this day to be da best // it says trick or treat ? but in it's eyes it wants a feast // a diabetic candy beast // a shadow of the night // dat masterful fright // I pray for all on this Halloween night...

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