BDSM

"Least Common"

Folder: 
DaddyO's BDSM

by DaddyO 

 

sex

(and willingness to engage in it)

is different for different people

so the decision

should default to

the least common denominator

-

not the "Dominator"

Author's Notes/Comments: 

2014 

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"Mispel"

Folder: 
DaddyO's BDSM

Why don't those who misspell

"Dominant" as "Dominate"  

also misspell

"masturbate" as "masturbant"? 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

2014 

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Huh?

by DaddyO 

 

How come

"old enough to be my Father"  

is an excepted excuse for not hooking up

but

"old enough to be my Brother"

isn't?

 

Is Daddy/daughter incest more taboo

than brother/sister incest?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

2013 

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"What City Makes the Best Safe Word?"

by DaddyO

 

What city makes the best safe word?
Reno (when a single "no" just isn't enough

Author's Notes/Comments: 

2012 

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Is Discrimination in the Kink Community Inherently Bad?

Folder: 
DaddyO's BDSM

by DaddyO

 

Kink "play" is much different than applying for a job or riding in a certain part of a bus. INDIVIDUALS make very personal choices as to who they play with, and those choices are often determined by very complex issues.

 

"I won't play with so and so, they are too old"

 

Yes I have heard this many many times. This is perfectly okay coming from the individual I may be wanting to play with, but it is biased discrimination when coming from someone who says "DaddyO shouldn't be playing with so and so because he is too old" (providing everyone involved is of legal age of course).

 

Yes, it is an opinion, and I believe people have the right to their opinions. Opinions often influence discrimination. Facts are better measures, especially when coming from a consensus or "mob-rule" opinion.

 

"Sorry you're not the type I normally photograph."

 

I personally love to photograph all body sizes, but will opt to prioritize body types I personally find more attractive to my tastes. This is because photography is my hobby and my kink. For some photographers, it is ONLY their kink. For others it is only their hobby.

 

"They are new and can't know anything, so why bother?"

 

In this case, as a Top, I love playing with new people. From my experience, newbies appear to get more excitement from the experience, and I have found they are not as jaded and able to let go much easier in scene. From a bottom's perspective, I could see playing with an inexperienced Top might be scary and more difficult to trust.

 

"I don't play with big people."

 

Once again, this is a personal decision and almost every person finds a certain body size more to their liking. It is very difficult to change what parts of another individual we feel attracted to.

 

I mean we all have preferences with gender and that is never seen as discrimination. Sometimes breast size and penis size can be seen as discrimination, but here is where my point is made: it is okay!

 

It is okay to only like 8" or longer penises or size 36 and up breasts!

 

Whether a person dresses as a bunny rabbit, in spandex or leather, sucks on a binky or wears thigh high boots, are all things we fetishize, so why is it somehow wrong to fetishize body size?

 

Is it really discrimination or simply a person's preference?

 

In most cases, as long as it is kept personal and private and relegated to "my opinion" or "my preference" rather than an edict on the community at large, all of this behavior and judgment is warranted and acceptable.

 

But isn't stating a preference a way of being discriminating?

 

Discrimination, if done wisely, is not wrong. Just like judging someone isn't wrong, if you use correct judgment!

 

Like I've said before, "I don't mind being judged, what I hate is being misjudged."

Author's Notes/Comments: 

2013

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My Domination and Topping Style

Folder: 
DaddyO's BDSM

by DaddyO

 

In scene, I relish the duty of director and am quite creative in that role, thus women submitting to or bottoming for me have a lot of sexual things choreographed for them.

 

I utilize many different sensation play techniques both painful and pleasurable. My favorite partners are those partners who experience pain and pleasure interchangeably. This is where my situational sadism comes in!

 

My play style is not for everyone. It is a little different than most. I am an unabashed exhibitionist and love showing off by sharing or incorporating others into the scene. I love the element of surprise and like to mix humor with the unexpected.

 

Despite my exhibitionist tendencies, I don't often show my own body off, instead opting to show off the creative things I am doing or the beautiful women I am scening with. This doesn't mean I am incapable of private scening (I am probably at my sexual best during intimacy), but my specialty is in public play.

 

Contrary to popular belief, "fucking" is of very little importance to me. Type II diabetes as well as some of the medications I take have required me to not rely too heavily on my penis. I have found that this isn't too much of an issue, as other things tend to stimulate a woman more effectively anyway!

 

I am very animated during a scene. With my partner's consent, It is not uncommon for me to talk with the crowd or even bring a member of the audience in to play. This is more likely to happen at a sex club than in a dungeon where stricter dungeon etiquette is practiced.

 

I relate most with the Daddy or protector persona and find I am most in my element when submitted to and given control.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

circa 2011 

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Consent. Communication and Safe Words

Folder: 
DaddyO's BDSM

by DaddyO

 

"I no longer use safe words."

 

What?!?

 

That's right. Sure I respond appropriately to them (as you'll see outlined below), but I feel it is much healthier to simply use real words to convey communication between a Top and a Bottom.

 

I understand the point of having them, because occasionally during a role play or if defined as part of a demonstration of trust within a D/s or Sadist/masochist play pairing, the bottom will want to be pushed further and saying "no", "please don't" and other such objections may ruin the dynamic.

 

Here are how I understand what the universally accepted basics are...

 

"Red":
Red is used to signal stop; end the scene; say "no more"; say "I can't take it anymore". The Top needs to immediately declare the scene over; the Bottom needs to communicate that they want the scene over. A scene can be halted for any reason by either participant. Someone may have been hurt or triggered or may simply feel "this isn't fun anymore."

The scene is stopped. The Top checks in immediately and communicates with the bottom to see what is needed. The Top may need to seek medical help or both may mutually decide to begin aftercare right away.

 

"Yellow":
Yellow is used so the Top can check in with the Bottom; both participants can re-evaluate the activity and alter the pace; re-evaluate the toy and/or alter the way that it is used; ask to change to a different toy; ask for less intensity; ask to slow down; ask for clarification; report a trigger word or action that isn't so triggering that the Bottom wants to stop. Basically "yellow" is used if anyone has any questions at all.

The scene isn't stopped, it is simply halted.


"Green":
Not everyone plays with "green" but when it is used, it means "I'm enjoying it"; the Bottom is asking for more; wants the Top to go harder; or to speed up; or intensify the topping activity.  The scene kicks into the next gear.

 

"Dropping the bear"
During scenes in noisy venues or in scenes with participants who are hearing impaired or in predicaments of sensory deprivation, I often will utilize an object held in the hand for a visual "safe word." For me, this is a stuffed animal (usually a teddy bear).  If the bear is dropped (or thrown), this essentially acts as a "yellow" where I check in immediately to find out if the scene needs to end or simply slow down.

 

When to Use Them
Having safe words available to us is simply an extra set of communication tools. I have found that in most scenes they are left in the tool box because simple English (or whatever language you both understand) generally is enough.

 

Some partners prefer to use them more extensively because, for them, they can be a good way to communicate.

 

Other people prefer to use them more sparingly because they find it easier to develop trust and a feel for their Top this way.

 

There is no shame or stigma in using safe words or "communicating too much" and they cannot be used too often.

 

Safe words are there for both participants to use. Yes, I have used them before as a Top.

 

Let me reiterate some of the principles I require:

 

Consent
All play I do is negotiated enthusiastic consensual play

 

Communication
Communication is essential in negotiation, in scene, and in aftercare.

 

Safe Words
I will not play with you if you feel for any reason you will not be able to communicate with me your needs or, if that fails, use your safe word.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

circa 2011, 2017 

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Dom/sub vs Top/bottom

Folder: 
DaddyO's BDSM

by DaddyO

 

Here is how I classify the often misunderstood differences between the two:

 

Top/bottom = Roles in a scene (or play partnership). No emphasis on power exchange unless negotiated otherwise. Both Top and/or bottom can make decisions.

 

Dom/sub = Roles in power exchange (most usually in a relationship). And the "relationship" could be as short as a single scene or as long as a lifetime partnership. Dom makes the decisions after sub sets the parameters and gives over control.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

2010 

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My D/s Philosophy

Folder: 
DaddyO's BDSM

by DaddyO

 

I have often heard submissive women say: "I am a sub, but I don't submit to just anyone."

 

Well, let me let you in on a little secret... I will dominate pretty much anyone who allows me! (This doesn't mean just anyone can be my submissive, however)

 

I used to have the opinion that I could not label myself a "Dom" unless someone was actively submitting to me. I felt unless my dominance was consensually agreed upon by a submissive actively submitting to me, that my "domination" would be non-consensual. But I have had a change of heart. I have now decided that if there is no one actively submitting to me, I can still be "dominant" because I have chosen to subject that control over myself.

 

That is very consensual!

 

I control and do the things I want, therefore I am dominant! It is a sort of "dominant masturbation" if you insist on naming it.

 

So, yes...man, woman, trans; straight, gay, bi, pan-- it makes no difference: I will dominate you--if you allow me to.

 

Here is why it is so easy for me: In my vision and understanding of D/s, the Dom decides what happens after the sub sets forth the parameters. Since everyone has something to offer me, if I am the one making the decisions about what those somethings are, it may not please the submissive or be their cup of tea, but if it fits within the agreed upon parameters, I will gladly dominate you if you let me!

 

Now, that being said, I believe the act of submission is an amazing gift for any Daddy, Dom or Master to cherish.

 

Yeah, I said it. I value it as an amazing gift. Here I’ll say it again:

 

"submission is a gift"

 

If you, as the submissive, don’t see it that way, then fine; but if you expect me to devalue it by not considering it as such, it means you are topping from the bottom.

 

By the way, there is actually nothing wrong with "topping from the bottom." It is actually how Top/bottom encounters should work.

 

"Dominating while submitting" is a different story. Remember, I do not expect anyone (regardless of how submissive they are) to submit to me. It’s a gift. One must not expect gifts.

 

For those of you who think that me considering submission as a gift is placing the sub above the Dom, I didn't do that at all. "Dominance" is a gift too. Dom and sub are equals.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

circa 2012

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