Dark

Home

View definemystic's Full Portfolio

The Beast Inside...

Author's Notes/Comments: 
This is one of the "practice" poems so I can produce a higher quality work for a special someone of mine:)

Gosh...my punctuation is bad. Just like any other poems I post here, it ain't finished. Still more reviewing to be done. But overall, I hope you enjoy XD

=

Jealousy, eh? Just a quick note, any poem I write is nearly always based off of my true feelings and recent events/emotions. 
"I thought it was good but felt it would be better if it was a story...it feels like your using a lot of words which is good but feel it would make an amazing story if it had a bit more body in it... not sure what type of criticism you wanted. I think you would be amazing at writing stories I’m not being negative I agree with what the person below said just think it’s more story like xx" - Simba
"Raw and honest.Outstanding imagery in words and visuals. I can picture you in my head, shouting these words at the person this story is intended for. My only little critique is that there are more than a few harsh words used that I would have replaced with something different. He's not returning your love but you can't force someone to do so. Other than that brilliant as always I look forward to the rest of the story " Thedeus Hobbs

"Her Glacier"

Author's Notes/Comments: 

"Normally I'm all about the sensory imagery and using a wide vocabulary, and I know that poetry tends to be much more elaborate than prose, but I feel like the emotions and symbolism you are trying to convey are being lost behind all the extra words you're squeezing in. A lot of the words you've chosen come across as either redundant or misplaced, and that gets a little distracting for your reader(s). As you keep working on this piece, consider whether some of your word choices could be pared back, simplified, or eliminated all together. That will help emphasize the meanings you are trying to express.
Also take some time to consider the purpose of your punctuation. I know that ellipses seem like a nice, dramatic way to emphasize specific phrases and images, but overusing them in this way makes the reader feel like they're constantly trying to catch their breath. Which, hey, could be the very point! Just a thought I had." - C.J. Holmes

Personality Theft

View definemystic's Full Portfolio

incey wincey spider

Author's Notes/Comments: 

the story behind nursery rhymes is remarkable, don't think there's any horror story behind twinkle ttwinkle little star, but bba bbaa black sheep was about taxes, and cant remember if it was the plague, or turculosis for ring a ring a roses, hehe

View suicideslug's Full Portfolio

Immortality

Folder: 
Light and Dark
View seraphim's Full Portfolio

It

View suicideslug's Full Portfolio