the girl that i see 2015
I look in the mirror every morning and see
a stranger standing there staring back at me
thinking back into her past of un-wanted pain
see's the unshed tears on her cheeks again
the doors in her mind are closed and locked
from the little girl who's childhood was mocked
she knew that her innocence was never meant to be
her reflection shows anguish from the girl that i see
she buried those nightmares inside that locked door
with past demons she doesn't want to see any more
she wonders what if i unlock all those ghosts
but wont ever do that for fear she'll be toast
those things all locked up forever will be
unspoken memories from the girl that i see
Lost in this moment
The warmth of our bodies make us sweat
The stiffness from what we have just accomplished
You and I,
A miracle
Your breath invites me in
Into your heart
Into your mind
Into your very soul
As our bodies mesh into one
As our souls embrace each other
You sigh as I touch you
Ectasy as we unite
Swirlling vortex of pleasure
Both of us lose sight
As life is created within you
As death is passed on through me
A miracle is created
A mirror of that moment
When we came together as one
My mind is raping my own heart
The same old story, nothing new
But I'm tired, I'm sick of that
Please help me, tell me what to do.
Stop crying, begging, running, hiding,
Lying, dying and denying,
Stop crawling like a rotten worm
Start fighting, living for your soul.
But will it help, will demons die?
Will heart start beating and soul start fight?
Will sky be clear and land be green?
Will angels somehow start to win?
Take a breath and heal your wound
Dark ones shall vanish, they shall be doomed!
I've heard a song, it has revealed
That we're the ones who start to build!
Original Arabic title,
Al Azif, Necronomicon;
Noise of desert insects,
Buzzing around...
The howling of demons
Is this very sound.
When one day you read aloud
From the pages of a Grimoire
And a insect, a fly, comes out
Then stop reading or shout out!
A man found a tome,
In his newly acquired home.
A book of ancient prophecy,
And things he should not see.
Written by madmen,
Different from what we all can.
Secreted away,
It drove him mad in one day.
The night he read the tome,
He was visited by Demons alone.
Scores of Demons in his dreams,
Banded together in teams.
Sounds fell from their mouths,
Dead and corrupted:
"GOR NA'AATHUL TUL' CTHULHU.
KELN DU CTHULHU D'ORST NED."
Feeling their poisoned tongues,
His flesh, burning along.
With their very words,
Unto corrupted swords.
Do not speak the lines aloud,
EGO, this time, don't be proud.
Their divine language on his skin,
From these words you cannot win.
Dead meat,
Is what you eat.
Nothing alive,
It is not wise.
I don't know the reason,
But I know the cause.
It is rotten, it is corrupted,
And will drive a man mad.
Madness comes from eating brains,
I ain't no cannibal at late.
But eating meat I have to do,
Or certain things I can't see.
Blood is very good,
I have no Vampire mood.
But cruel some call,
What I describe at all.
My mind going ways,
With meat these days.
Demons, Ghoulies and the rest,
Outsiders are a real pest!
2 knives, in each side..
2 eyes burning through my heart..
empty fragments, words drifting in & out of the past
memories turn to ash as we sift them around the palms of our hands..
crippled & gone.. time to move on.
to solidify my dreams..
hate myself.. waste of space, waste of air..
I dove into hell.
God please pull me back together, stitch up these ripped seams..
you're like the blade dragged across my stomach
or the scorching flame against my bare skin...
I want you out of my life
I want you up from under this skin
demons, demons, I can't let you win..
for I am not your kin...
everthing I want, I cannot have.
all that I reach for, I cannot grab..
the rainest of days bring me back to visions i've attempted to smudge out with you..
I guess it was easier on the other end.
but who's to say where & when...
covered in blood, pushed into the mud, I will stand up again.
open scars, out of breath, I must remain relentless.
shadows chasing me, run run, but they consumed all the light..
crouched in fright, nails dug into my back
they're trying to pin down these wings...
hoping i'll never take flight.
using all my energy to break away, fight them off with all my might, all my will...
but they keep whispering "kill... kill.."
legion, you've defiled me,
for you are the fallen, in unity.
this cross lays heavy on my back..
I think i'm starting to crack.
my barriers are thin & I wish I could let God in
but there's just one set of footprints in the sand
no savior to hold my hand
freezing cold.
the ocean looks like a black hole..
if I were to set sail, how could I ever return?
i'd be spun around in circles, triangles, squares
what would I learn?
even though the sun still shines
even though some of the grass is still green
even though there are plenty of trees
I cant stop looking down.. down on me.
the hail is sharp from this dark cloud.
storm hovers above.
I try to clear it out, but I can't with no love
depleted but not empty
awakened in the midst of deep sleep
dead in this life
strife impailed
left hung, waiting to burn..
I never dug my own grave
I only ever cried to be saved.
walking through a smokey fume.. in this sealed up dark room..
I saw your eyes bleeding blue.
going up, going down. spin spin around & around
falling to my knees, calling out to God, please
save me from this crucifixion
cut the ties to lifes addictions
spit up the lies you fed, on which I choked
climbing up these ropes
running away from the hoax
insanity, the only word she knows.
deep in the dungeon, I go plunging
searching for the meaning
intervening, I come between two scales..
a lions head with three flaming tails.
i'm not like this.. you're leading me to be crazy..
one day i'll run, forever away from you, maybe...
like the speed of light, in a flash, little hazy.
there's more for me then this demonic plague..
there's more to life then constant conviction.
wrists are shaking & those screams begin to take a toll..
driving round this winding road..
i'm done with your pitiful smold of an existence..
don't act like you know what i'm missing.
so here I plant my feet in the ground, not bending for you now
never again will I twist or turn
because bitch, you've got so much to learn.