Did you know..
that you steal the show?
That your silk shines
like wet red wine,
when our time has intwined
and i bask in your glow?
A candle to you?
Holds not a chance....
But perhaps to save me a dance..
When somethings arent found
we all look around
buts its you that has stolen my glance.
I can still hear the sound of your laughter,
And how it sounded when you said my name.
But since you went on Home to Heaven,
My life just hasn't been the same.
Oh Momma, I never knew a grief like this...
How I long to see again, your beautiful face.
For no one else, but your loving Mother,
Can fill such an empty and hurting space.
It seems that every special moment now,
Is missing that one special light,
For you were the light that shined at our top,
Our matriarch, who held us together, tight.
I know your loving it, up there in Heaven,
I know how you longed to be free of your pain.
And for that, I'd never wish you back to this earth,
For I know my loss of you, was certainly Heaven's gain.
But one day, when it comes my turn to depart,
And you meet me there upon, that Golden Shore.
I know then, that my aching grief, of losing you,
Will forever and finally be...no more.
Perhaps it’s because I miss you, the real you
or the thought of you.
It’s not like I know the difference.
What has happened to us?
You feel like a ghost to me,
Tell me what it is I have done,
Did you ever stop and notice all the hurt this causes?
Its as if youre not even there anymore,
Im like a ghost to you,
Its haunting me,
Its hurting me,
My heart is restless,
Who gave you right to make it break?
I dont understand it,
You mean so much to me,
Ive cried thousands of tears over you,
Ive bled because of you,
Dont put a knife in my back,
Stab me in the heart,
So I know its you who did it,
Look me in the eye and tell me,
Do you even care?
Sleep continues eluding me
while thoughts of you keep pursuing,
stopping my dreams from unfolding
& knowing dawn comes early,
it wakes me to reality
knowing there will never be
what could've been, what might've been,
& so I'm waiting, while pursuing
a kind of on-hold aching peace
filled with lingering remembering
wondering if you, too
are ever sleepless
thinking about me................................
Sleep calls to me,
but my heart is just not listening,
as the overflow
keeps gently falling
like autumn rain
on gardens still growing
though summer's come & gone already,
with winter's soon arrival coming,
when the seed will finally fall & die
when you're no longer in my life
but in the one to come, & finally
home will be reality
as it always felt yet never could be
between us, as it was meant to be.....................
I love you more than I've let free,
it remains hidden within the depths of me,
as I let you go you're still in all I see,
but I know I must just let you be
while reaching yet withdrawing, all in disguise,
it's expressing from my eyes & with my sighs,
yet words are never spoken freely,
truths are hidden, although I see
this love will never go away
until we do, & that's ok,
love never ends,
til we go home...
...I'll endure loving while alone...................
Sleep's the escape
I need to find,
I cannot get you off my mind,
but I know I must crucify
what's refusing to depart or die,
so exhausted though I am right now
I will lay all this down somehow
& let His Spirit minister to my heart
that {even with His peace} is still torn apart,
only He knows the secrets within,
only He understands my secret sin,
only He can help me understand
what is & isn't in His plan,
so sleep, come find me, bring release
from words that circle, searching for peace.
*~*~*~*~*
~ Anastazia Rowe ~
Oct. 30th, 4 am, 2017.
I wish I could stop caring.
I don’t know how you can’t need me
but every door I knock on looks like yours so how can I enter them
I tiptoe through the streets wishing
sewers were trapdoors
and I could jump and fall for years before landing in an alternate universe
where every stoplight doesn’t blink a glare and a lecture from my future self,
where every piano I come to doesn’t stretch like elastic
reaching for my fingertips and begging for another song about you
But we still drag our sticky boots through the mud,
maybe in a mile it’ll turn into dirt,
maybe maybe maybe
and the bullets sing in an ancient tongue,
the one that was made for us,
the one I can pull out of a hat without warning
I wish I could stop caring.
I would say I wish I could stop living but that would piss people off.
You have too much, they’d say
too much in front of you
too much behind you
too many acquaintances who have it worse off.
Maybe it would sadden them if I said it
but I doubt it
People are angry.
People are just like I feel like I should be when I say
I wish I could stop caring.
But I’m not angry…
I can’t be
when the last word I said to you was maybe.
Black
White
Darkness is a shadow
plays the keys of his face
Green
Blue
I crack with distance
can he see my sorrow from space
Amid such coldness,
I wish you were here!
Lying by my side,
Oh my dear!
I feel like being in Niflheim,
The land of ice and snow,
Missing the heat of your body,
As always you know!
It is so tough in winter to be lonely,
Without you near my sweetie!