Missing You

Your Glow

Did you know..

that you steal the show?

That your silk shines

like wet red wine,

when our time has intwined

and i bask in your glow?


A candle to you?

Holds not a chance....

But perhaps to save me a dance..

When somethings arent found

we all look around

buts its you that has stolen my glance.

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Until Then, My Grief Remains

Grief & Grieving


I can still hear the sound of your laughter,

And how it sounded when you said my name.

But since you went on Home to Heaven,

My life just hasn't been the same.


Oh Momma, I never knew a grief like this...

How I long to see again, your beautiful face.

For no one else, but your loving Mother, 

Can fill such an empty and hurting space.


It seems that every special moment now,

Is missing that one special light,

For you were the light that shined at our top,

Our matriarch, who held us together, tight.


I know your loving it, up there in Heaven,

I know how you longed to be free of your pain.

And for that, I'd never wish you back to this earth,

For I know my loss of you, was certainly Heaven's gain.


But one day, when it comes my turn to depart,

And you meet me there upon, that Golden Shore.

I know then, that my aching grief, of losing you,

Will forever and finally be...no more.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

It still hurts so much Momma... Cry

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Perhaps it’s because I miss you, the real you

or the thought of you.

It’s not like I know the difference.




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Torn Love

What has happened to us?

You feel like a ghost to me,

Tell me what it is I have done,

Did you ever stop and notice all the hurt this causes?

Its as if youre not even there anymore,

Im like a ghost to you,

Its haunting me,

Its hurting me,

My heart is restless,

Who gave you right to make it break?

I dont understand it,

You mean so much to me,

Ive cried thousands of tears over you,

Ive bled because of you,

Dont put a knife in my back,

Stab me in the heart,

So I know its you who did it,

Look me in the eye and tell me,

Do you even care?

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Mornings with you, that's all I really want to do. 
Rainy afternoons, lets go for a cruise.
your hand in my hand. I know you feel it too.
lets stay awake from sunset to sunrise.
 roll over on my side. "come here you got something in your eye."
type of love.
Forehead kisses. really make me miss you.
Damn, it fucks me up.
I thought that shit is too good to be true.
you wanted me, I wanted you.
you got me and... I. got. you.
that a rare find- hard to come by.
lets go for a ride. cruising with her by my side, hand on her inner left thigh.
shes even down for a drive by. 
now that's a woman in my eyes.
could you be here in the mornings? 
love me on my downtime.
lets get high.
 laugh about those guys or that one time.
I know im sorry aint good enough but ill put it to the test cause I love you enough to let you know that I fucked up.
I really do miss those late nights trippin on drugs in the back seat of your Toyota corolla.
I promise you there is no other lover. I am yours to uncover. discover.
lets go for a hike and open up my third eye, connect thru our minds.
fuck you on your side. im on your time.
wake up with you in my arms with the fog rollin up.
pull out the rest of the blunt.
but all I have are the memories of us.
its hard to wake up without you crossing my mind.
im not gonna lie, I miss you all the time.
I guess that's why im writing these rhymes. 
I thought it would go away with time,
here you are.
still on my mind. 
consuming my time. 
you seem to be doing just fine.
 that explains why you never hit me up.
just let me ask, what happened to us?
good morning texts and kissing waking up to not even knowing you.
im sorry I couldn't love you. 
i know you tried, and i really tried, too. 
Im sorry I hurt you.
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             ~ Sleep ~                         


Sleep continues eluding me
while thoughts of you keep pursuing,
stopping my dreams from unfolding 
& knowing dawn comes early,
it wakes me to reality 
knowing there will never be
what could've been, what might've been, 
& so I'm waiting, while pursuing
a kind of on-hold aching peace
filled with lingering remembering
wondering if you, too
are ever sleepless
thinking about me................................



Sleep calls to me, 
but my heart is just not listening,
as the overflow
keeps gently falling
like autumn rain 
on gardens still growing
though summer's come & gone already, 
with winter's soon arrival coming,
when the seed will finally fall & die
when you're no longer in my life
but in the one to come, & finally
home will be reality
as it always felt yet never could be
between us, as it was meant to be.....................



I love you more than I've let free,
it remains hidden within the depths of me,
as I let you go you're still in all I see,
but I know I must just let you be
while reaching yet withdrawing, all in disguise, 
it's expressing from my eyes & with my sighs,
yet words are never spoken freely,
truths are hidden, although I see
this love will never go away
until we do, & that's ok, 
love never ends, 
til we go home...
...I'll endure loving while alone...................



Sleep's the escape 
I need to find,
I cannot get you off my mind, 
but I know I must crucify
what's refusing to depart or die, 
so exhausted though I am right now
I will lay all this down somehow
& let His Spirit minister to my heart
that {even with His peace} is still torn apart,
only He knows the secrets within,
only He understands my secret sin,
only He can help me understand
what is & isn't in His plan,
so sleep, come find me, bring release
from words that circle, searching for peace.

~ Anastazia Rowe ~    
Oct. 30th, 4 am, 2017.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Take it all, Lord....cleanse & restore ONLY what is YOUR perfect will...
...mine is blind to how You see things tonight, 
so I let the rest fall into the ground & die like a grain of wheat,
fruitless 'til death comes & heals & transforms me ~


{G'nite, hopfully, at 4:30 am, almost...}

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Unsent Letter (day 71)

I wish I could stop caring.


I don’t know how you can’t need me

but every door I knock on looks like yours so how can I enter them


I tiptoe through the streets wishing

sewers were trapdoors

and I could jump and fall for years before landing in an alternate universe


where every stoplight doesn’t blink a glare and a lecture from my future self,

where every piano I come to doesn’t stretch like elastic

reaching for my fingertips and begging for another song about you


But we still drag our sticky boots through the mud,

maybe in a mile it’ll turn into dirt,

maybe maybe maybe


and the bullets sing in an ancient tongue,

the one that was made for us,

the one I can pull out of a hat without warning

I wish I could stop caring.


I would say I wish I could stop living but that would piss people off.


You have too much, they’d say

too much in front of you

too much behind you

too many acquaintances who have it worse off.


Maybe it would sadden them if I said it

but I doubt it

People are angry.


People are just like I feel like I should be when I say

I wish I could stop caring.


But I’m not angry…

I can’t be

when the last word I said to you was maybe.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 10/8/16

The unsent letter

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From Space (day 60)



Darkness is a shadow

plays the keys of his face




I crack with distance

can he see my sorrow from space

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 9/29/16

Darkness is a shadow

Without You amid Such Coldness

Amid such coldness,

I wish you were here!

Lying by my side,

Oh my dear!


I feel like being in Niflheim,

The land of ice and snow,

Missing the heat of your body,

As always you know!


It is so tough in winter to be lonely,

Without you near my sweetie!

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