Self Hate

Larger then life!

Larger then life!

i used to be as big as a house and it didnt matter that i was not fit
it happened gradualy over time but i didnt care no not one bit
i ate and ate everything in site because my life had so much strife
will it ever end i do not know but one clear thing im larger then life
then it happened just like this i saw the reflection of what i'd become
when i realized what i was seeing it made me feel so very numb
i really hated what i was and who i became sent me over the cliff
 thats when i started to take it off but i still feel larger then life
this is my story of what i was before i made a change in me
i no longer feel like that girl back there cuz that is no way to be
now that my reflection has changed i no longer think about the what ifs
when i see myself i smile and think someday i wont feel like im larger then life


           Zoey cup

Author's Notes/Comments: 

hope you like this one its about well me acctualy

                           Zoey cup



It's twitching

Deepp within my mind

This dark pit

can't hold it

Spreading deep inside



My mind is getting weak



Breaking the hold i try to keep



The perversive inner thoughts



Memory illusion perception distorts


Self Pain

I must refrain



Swim through bloodstain


Must hurt her

Must Ignore this urge



What does Death deserve

I hide her

A minor

No name no life no age


In her bed

Except upon a written page

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Originally posted on Candid.


Just made this up 2322 gmt 15/4/17

About a woman dealing with trauma of child rape contemplating suicide.

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" Sabotage "

I admired it at a distance,
Its effortless soothing flow,
The way it rode the wind,
Colors so bright and bold,

Across the fields of clover,
Which swayed forth non stop,
I laid back and took it in,
From a rolling hill up top,

Fluttering into my soul,
It somehow was more than it seemed,
It wasn’t just a butterfly,
It was my hopes and dreams,

As it dance with the air,
Wings, like pages of a book,
It drew me in closer,
If only to take a look,

It whispered to the flowers,
This time I would never forget,
As it was still, a moment in time,
Swoosh!, it was in my net!

Now it belong to me,
Forever to be displayed,
As I stuck pins threw its torso,
I reflected on my day,

Pressed against some glass,
For all the world to see,
Trapped, tortured in my presence,
And now it belonged to me……

Author's Notes/Comments: 

No, its not "really" about a butterfly....

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Ugliness From Within

Poems 2012

It seems like this Valentine’s Holiday is a little overrated
Expecting to feel loved out of the blue is an insult
This other girl sees me everyday, but can only say “Hi”, to me when alone.
I’m now aware of the shame I bring to women.

Seeing the flaws I have that can’t be corrected, frustrates me.
What can be fixed
when I look into the mirror, seeing the ugliness from within.
It’s shamefully to be so obsessive over looks.

This ugly person should die
He has no purpose
No one will love him
Why live

Forgotton Soul

PAin and HAte

Look inside yourself as your heart brakes its not the end its only
one chapter if your life story to have a span
of the way your heart is, its not over as you say,
A new beginning will rise your heart may brake but to live
through it makes you a stronger person if you can over
come pain and keep living your life has a purpose.
to be loved and love even only for a little while
if you can live through all that ill protect you babie
ill protect you i cant live without you ill do whatever
to make you feel as if i can keep you safe i cant see blood
spill again i cant be the cause once more i cant be there
again with the mother the father and all those falling
roses. Al the while the silver turns red. the last roses
fall it is on mi casket the last casket will be mine mi
love will go on and you will live the poetry i wrote
will no more exist the Last roses falls people leave i
have been forgotten no one cares about that little
emo girl who sate and cried in the corner if i was
loved then maybe i would have staid with you the
world goes dark dirt falls down mi life is done no one
will remember me for im lost in all eternity.

Gone 11-21-08

No one knows.
No one cares.
She gets fucked over
More than once.
Will she learn?
Probably not.
Her life's the same.
And will always
be the same.
She's headed nowhere fast.
So fast she's only slippin
Deeper down.
Her pain.
Her loss.
She takes it out on
no one but herself.
Poor girl. Pity me.
Fuck it all.
I wanna die.
Fuck it,
I'm already DEAD!

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We all go down and down and down
into the self made hell
of our own demise
down into the pit of suffering
of our own self induced nightmare

Go go go
into the grave
into the rabbit hole

We all trip and trip and trip
over the unseen shadows
of our own feet
trip and fall into the memories of fear
of our own self made terror.

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