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She starts her day out just the same as any other

She hasn't heard a single word from her brother

In ages

She'd like to think her life won't sink to the bottom

She tells herself she needs no help with her problems

Outrageous 

-She takes the pain and shoves it down

She swears that she won't let it out

Now all alone she starts to drown

In her own spiritual drought

And everyone around

Can see she's lost her crown

As she helplessly falls to the ground

She's become toxic now- (chorus)

She pops her pills now just to feel a little better

The alcohol won't help at all, it's crippling her

In stages

She likes to think her life can't sink to the bottom

She begs herself not to get help with her problems

Audacious

(Chorus)

She can't retract how she reacts, the damage is done

She can't erase all her mistakes, as she comes undone

In phases

She tries to think her life won't break at the bottom

She kills herself, refuses help with her problems 

Rampageous

(Chorus)

It Gets Better

January 27, 2021

Several years have passed, but it feels like only days.

Everything in my life is foggy, nothing has changed

since I was younger and had more time to write.

I've grown into an adult, but nothing is all right.

I've hoped for so long that I could find a place

where I can be myself and not have to chase

validation and acceptance for the thoughts in my mind.

I've searched, I have, but there is nothing in sight.

I have love all around me, with my family and friends.

They assure me I'm safe, they'll be there 'til the end.

I don't doubt that, but they seem to misunderstand

that these problems I have are out of my hands.

It's three in the morning, I'm working at eight.

If I go to sleep now, I'll still probably be late.

I'll get through the day, pay the bills, go to bed,

just to have this cycle repeat itself again.

When the night gets darker and my mind is awake,

there is nothing I can do but hope I don't think

about the forks in the road- which one I'll take.

I could visit the skies above or pretend I'm ok.

The medications, the drugs, and the alcohol

have never helped me feel better at all.

The only thing that's stopped me from leaving forever

is telling myself at night, "I promise, it gets better."

It helps for a moment, but soon my mind persists

that it isn't true- it doesn't get better than this.

I have tried to change all the errors of my ways,

but to no avail. This may be the last of my days.

To everyone who loved me, to everyone that cared,

I don't want you to think that any of you shared

a part in this self-destructive game of my life.

In the end, everything will be all right.

Nothing will change in the world outside my own.

Everyone else will have a place they call home.

My only hope is that by relieving my pressure,

maybe for the others, it actually does get better.

I don't know what to write

or what to say or what to feel.

I want help but I'm too afraid

to show anyone what is real with me.

I can't seem to bring myself to terms

with my thoughts of a different future.

I can't change what I am

but if I could, I don't know that I would.

I won't let you go, but it's what holding me back

I won't face what I have, it's control I don't have.

I won't stand up to her and say I don't need you

because you're the worst drug I've ever had.

Let me start over, I swear I'll do better.

Let me have some faith in myself, I might

sleep a night without the toxic thoughts.

Let me feel like I've done something right.

Only the drugs and the alcohol make me

forget where I am, make me forget that I need

them to float above the sea, stop from sinking and

remembering everything and start thinking

about the failure that has given up.

In 2021 as of midApril there were 266 multiple shootings in the US. What are some factors?

Violence to Women

There is a culture of violence to women which includes rape and other physical violence. It is abuse of those who are usually not as strong physically, and a belief that women are the property of their husbands or partners. 97% of US murders are done by men.

Racism:

African Americans per capita are shot much more than whites, Latinos, or Asians. For centuries they were enslaved and since 1863 have been lynched or otherwise executed at rates 3 to 4 times more than whites.

Pills

Atty Leonard Finz was one of the first to sue drug companies over antidepressants’ role in causing homicide and suicide. The FDA puts such a warning on bottle labels of Zoloft, Prozac, Paxil and other corticosteroids. Dr Peter Breggin has written countless books and articles on the violence, aggression, anger, irritability, suicide and homicide caused by big pharma which ignores the deaths and injuries as it has eyes only for profits.

Alcohol:

We know some are ‘angry drunks’ because alcohol releases inhibitions.

Military:

The military teaches young men and women how to kill.This

training spills over into domestic violence.

Executions:

The Republican administration in 2020 executed 13 federal prisoners, despite the fact that only5 states had killed prisoners in 2019. As Agatha Christie said, 'judges murder within the law'.

Prisons:

There is no protection from violence by guards or other prisoners for the over 2 million prisoners in the US, the highest per capita percentage in the world.

Parents, Schools, 4H, The NRA

Parents, Schools,4H, the NRA teach children to stalk and kill animals in the woods. Schools teach students to kill & dissect animals. Analysis of serial killers is that over 90% were taught to kill when young by farming or hunting adults or entering the military. Children watch as adults smash beehives and exterminate raccoons squirrels and birds in attics or catch mice with brutal glue or spring traps. They are taught that killing animals, birds, and fishes for food, stealing the milk of cows and the eggs of chickens is what humans should do. They are exposed to tv shows of people clapping at rodeos as animals' necks are broken by jerked ropes before they are slammed to the ground.4H is an animal agriculture promoting group which teaches children to nurture and raise animals and then to be involved in their killing.

Corporal Punishment:

Spanking or whipping are still legal in many states. This culture was brought to colonial America from Britain where boys in public schools were often flogged. Such violent violation drives children's anger underground.

What We Ingest:

What we eat and drink and violence: When animals are in agonized pain, terror and anger at slaughterhouses, they secrete adrenaline some of which remains in their murdered flesh even after cooking, affecting action. In addition, artery blocking animal fat can create high blood pressure and frustration, generating anger. American obesity is related to meat and dairy consumption. Obesity also makes people angry.

Media:

TV news and shows, film, video games, boxing, football,  glorify violence. When 'The 3 Stooges' played on tv after school hours, teachers reported more incidents of slapping ond punching others on the playground or on the way home.

Guns:

We have more guns per capita than any other country on earth. Last year 113,150 were shot by guns. Of that number 36,500 died. Assault weapons, sale of ammunition for assault weapons, ghost guns, tv gun sales and gun shows should be banned.

Killings By Police:

Police killings last year by country US:1146 Zero deaths in Switzerland, UK, Japan, Denmark, Iceland, Nepal, Australia, Germany, Finland, New Zealand, Norway, Taiwan, Portugal, Sweden, Poland, Belgium, Indonesia, Netherlands 

Anger Management And Conflict Resolution

Conflict resolution and anger management courses have a beneficial effect taught in schools or assigned to those required by a court order to take courses. Police who have been charged with excessive force should be removed from the force except for desk duty.

Poverty:

In 2020 and 2021 poverty and job loss resulted from covid lockdowns. Not for many decades has there been as much hunger and homelessness as there is now. Desperate lack of money creates anger.

.
Mass shooters:

Mass shooters can be 1. racially motivated or 2. hatred of prostitutes or 3. revenge for perceived insults or 4. mind control pawns 5. even someone upset by a fast food order etc. Virtually all mass shootings in the US are caused by white males.

16

I was sitting in my deceased brother's car
in the driveway of our mother's home
when he offered to share a joint with me.

I felt for the first time a road open between
my heart and my throat  Afterwards
I was more able
to speak my feelings

I never tried pot until
I was in my 40's... and
then perhaps 20 times,
after which I stopped.

A friend smokes
He is less a hothead

when he's a pothead.

42 states (as of 2019) in which marijuana is either legal, decriminalized, or available for medical

purposes

https://disa.com/map-of-marijuana-legality-by-state

*

25 Brief Drug And Alcohol Tales
DWW as a teen was smoking pot while gnawing on a chicken leg. In slowing down he realized he was gnawing on the leg of a chicken... he stopped eating animals that day... and shortly after became a conscientious objector, serving in hospitals during the war. Shortly after becoming a CO, he stopped smoking it.
*
A woman smoking pot heard the sentence "I became the wave, not the reaction to it".
*
Mark Braunstein, vegan author and artist, jumped off a ledge into a pool and was paralyzed in the jump. With incredible will he spent years learning to walk. Marijuana eases the residual pain. He has become an activist for legalized medical marijuana. Marijuana reduces seizures, nausea, and pain..

*
Perhaps driving while smoking pot should be illegal, since stoned drivers have sat not moving at green lights.
*
A woman giving a lead at an AA meeting spoke of waking up as several people entered her bedroom. She was very upset, even more so when she realized she was
in an apartment building elevator.
*
A man who got into bar fights frequently and was arrested for domestic battering knew it was time to enter a treatment center.
*
A woman was told that in a previous life she had died as an alcoholic in a gutter in France.
*
An older man was told after a physical that his liver enzymes indicated he should stop drinking.
*
Navane, ativan, oxycontin etc. are prescription drugs as addictive as cocaine.
*
A man woke up next to a woman .. He subsequently found out she had transmitted an STD to him and at the same time had become pregnant.. She was someone with whom he would never have slept had too much alcohol not been involved.
*
A teen at a frat party from the amount of alcohol in which he immersed his optic nerves... went blind. Teen deaths from alcohol happen frequently.
*
A man woke up after an alcohol binge in a hospital psychiatric ward, in restraints.
*
Alcohol released anger inside the young woman, giving her an accusing tongue.
Her bones were broken by someone who wanted to shut her up.
*
It was said that lights went out 1 by 1 all over Europe as WW2 approached. It
is also true of the brain's nerve cells, killed by alcohol.
*
Those who label others 'drunks', 'lushes', etc. are cruelly limiting an infinite
soul and incorrectly defining people by behavior.
*
A writer who realized that descriptions of drinking in his books were causing people to fall off the wagon as his descriptions bypassed their discipline...decided he could no longer derail people by including such scenes. The more corrupt in the publishing industry demand such product placements.
*
Catherine and William Booth, founders of the Salvation Army, with their London alcohol treatment centers, found that vegetarian diet reduced sharply the desire
for alcohol. Meat is very yang, alcohol very yin. The uric acid (pre-urine in the muscle cells of murdered animals) is trioxypurine, more addictive than caffeine, (dioxypurine).
*
Should ads for harmful substances be allowed on tv and radio? Is it mixed messaging when the government spends billions to convince people not to drink
while allowing highly suggestable ads? Some radio networks
allow alcohol ads at 9 am weekdays in teen markets.
*
In terms of marijuana, cocaine, heroin etc., their illegal status has caused massive and violent crime cartels (as did prohibition in the 20's and early 30's), and has caused over a trillion dollars to be spent in the US alone by the
  DEA, ATF, FDA, NIH etc The ecocidal spraying of pot and poppy plants has killed people, animals, birds, fishes, etc. as it poisons the watershed, causes birth defects in people and animals, destroying habitat.
*
The imprisonment of millions of people for their sovereign right to smoke marijuana has made the US the most imprisoning nation in the world with the highest
percentage of inmates, at a cost of trillions of dollars in prosecution, police time diversion, imprisonment, but more importantly the human cost in unjust imprisonment, family busting.
*
Alcohol causes traffic accident fatalities, cancers and liver cirrhosis, fatalities in bar fights and domestic batterings, infidelities, job losses,
suicide, birth defects. Alcohol industry money is spent worldwide fighting
against the legalization of marijuana.
*
Alcohol's side effects are more lethal than those of marijuana but the latter
can cause pooling of the blood in the heart, emphysema and lung cancer, as well as cancers from the insecticides sprayed on pot plants.

Many psychiatric drugs are correlated to homicide, suicide, weight gain, birth defects, loss of mental function, a sudden inability to read. Drug companies have paid out billions in liabilities in class action and individual lawsuits. Drug companies are bankrupting Medicare with their pricegouging.
*
There are empathic saints who drink to tune out the pain they take from others. There are soldiers who drink to forget the horrors they've seen. There are shy
people who drink in order to express themselves. Everyone on the planet is gradually learning there are better ways to release pain, let go of the past, and speak ones heart.

Like tobacco smoking, marijuana smoking can cause cancer. But the government has found that prohibition doesn't work.

1. Legalization cuts out illegal gang activity

2. Legalization saves hundreds of millions a year for different states...

freeing police to fight violent crime

3. Legalization generates hundreds of millions in tax revenue for different states

4. Legalization

reduces prison population.... by releasing incarcerated nonviolent people.

5. Legalization restores families, husbands to their wives, mothers to their children etc.

6. Legalization provides an anodyne, pain reduction for nausea and other pain, seizure prevention

7. Legalization reduces $ waste as crop dusters no longer spread poison on plants

8. Legalization protects the environment from crop duster poisons

9. Legalization generates tax revenue from the income of those no longer imprisoned

42 states have legalized

some form of pot

8 states in 2020

as of yet have not

**

Footnote: In 2020 Arizona, Montana, South Dakota

and New Jersey voted yes to legalizing recreational

use.  Colorado has passed the 1 billion dollar mark

in taxes generated by pot sales. California, a later

entry, has raised over 630 million dollars. Many are

buying pot in Canada.

Meanwhile states in which marijuana is outlawed

rather than making money on taxed sales are hemorrhaging money

on the jailing of nonviolent prisoners (whether the prisons are publicly or

privately owned), the ripping

apart of their families, the cost of policing. 70% of Democrats

and 53% of Republicans favor legalization of marijuana.

 Alaska, Arizona, California, Colorado, DC, Illinois, Maine,

Massachusetts, Michigan, Montana, Nevada, New Jersey, Oregon, South Dakota and Vermont

and Washington have legalized marijuana for recreational use.

Decriminalization of small amounts of marijuana has been passed in

CT, DE, HW, MD, MN, MS, MO, NB, NH, NY, NC, ND, OH, RI

The mass spraying of herbicides over areas suspected of marijuana growth

has poisoned the watershed.

There are health and accident hazards to many drugs, to alcohol, marijuana.

Cirrhosis of the liver, traffic fatalities, violence are associated with alcohol, while

longterm smoking (but not consumption of foods containing marijuana) can cause emphysema and lack of concentration in driving.

https://www.marijuanamoment.net/majority-of-republicans-support-marijuana-legalization-bill-that-democrats-in-congress-delayed-vote-on/

The FDA is allowing in many untested drugs from China, the country

which supplies most US drugs.  Because of the mass deficit owned by

Chinese and other country banks, the US is not taking action.

There’s a certain appeal to the bruise colored haze at the bottom
of a six-pack. She sits
on the kitchen floor, knees bent
out at acute angles, shuddering shoulder
blades pressing against skin
until the fine human film splits
and she falls – splits down the center

like the bottom of the Colorado mountain valleys we hiked last spring.

The skin of her cheeks would flush in the brisk mornings and I, alone,
learned every shade of tension stretched through her shoulders
when she’d bend
over to wash her hair in the stream.
Like the willow tree bends: graceful

limbs reaching to touch a quivering reflection.

*

ANODYNE

Animals on whom

people dine..

 all died without

an anodyne.

*

GOLDILOCKS AND THE 3 BEARS

A young woman married
a man who shortly after
went on a week long trip with
his male friends.
After his return,
She went down to the basement
and was shocked to see
three bears' dead bodies in the process
of being skinned,
hanging from the ceiling.

Running screaming upstairs,
she inadvertently sparked
rage in her inebriated
hunter mate,

who threw
her down the steps,
breaking both arms.

The next day when he
went to work,
the wiser Goldilocks
replaced the old
with new gold locks.

*

OHIO STATE TEACHING STUDENTS CRUELTY

Alcohol is like war,

All it knows is destroying,

It works like a cobra,

Silently killing the victim!

The drinker goes to the brink of ruin,

Just like Dr. Faustus,

Drinking is like selling one’s life,

To something awfully satanic!

Alcohol is what goodness is not!

Health does not remain wealth to a drinker!