Happiness is what she confides in
As she stares into the night
There's nothing more satisfying
His comfort felt so right
She loves that calming look
As she looks deep in his eyes
But she suddenly has this feeling
That he's holding back some lies
He suddenly turned away from her
Now she felt so tossed
How can someone "complete" you
But continue to feel so lost
As she backs off from him
Her tears flowing down her face
He explains to her so tenderly
That he just needs some space
So weeks went by without one call
She started to feel her rage
He had her where he wanted her
Chained down and in a cage
She caught a glimpse of him one day
Her tummy in a whirl
For what she saw was full of pain
Him kissing another girl
Since that day she caged her voice
She put away her soul
Until that day she married him
And made her heart feel whole<3
............
most often a walking,
talking agglomerate
of bipedal constriction,
incessantly longing
of some scintilla of solitude,
lost were the days of joyous tutelage,
entombed in his most recent
nightmarish truth,
meandering among a
stoic and weeping world
of isolate, but recognised faces,
detached, collapsed, mangled,
crippled and torn
into bits and pieces of rath
left from the scourges
of love's albatross still in situ,
every sunset, no rest,
but amassed density
within each slumber
and every sunrise
the burden expounded
on his withering reserves,
no inkling or cue of enlightenment
knocked upon the doors
of his tortured existence,
and he never meant to unleash
his fury and beat
a four year old
recently bereft
of a mother like that,
but somehow,
he allowed himself
to justify it.
10:11 PM 7/21/2013 ©
.........
My life used to be
one giant hulking mess.
and me a weak sodden soul,
padded with distress.
I tried to fight against it
but it kept dragging me down.
Smothering me in regrets
and causing me to drown.
I often sleep for hours
with no desire to wake.
And let the depression take me down
though I know it is a mistake.
SO I begin to look for vices
to let my frustrations out.
Not thinking that I need anyone
to talk to this about.
So instead I grabbed some liqour
enough to put me to sleep
Or drink a drop of cold medicine.
to knock me off my feet.
And sometimes I'd get this feeling
of immense pain in my head.
And take two advils,
then to the world I was dead.
I'd let my demons drag me down,
and tell me it was okay.
That no one cared and I was worthless
and I'd believe what they'd say.
So I'd drink more of stolen liqour
and do what I knew was wrong.
But the allure of my demons was enticing
for they sung a hypnotic song.
So I kept letting them drag me down
and I never expected to get back up.
Just kept giving them my tears
to fill their never ending cup.
I sometimes chose to fight against them
thinking I don't want to let them in.
And then life takes a downwards turn
and I give in to them again.
And though this may be a time, when
their power over me, is slowly but surely thinning.
Sometimes I can't help but feel,
my inner demons are winning.
I watch them in the park,
The Lucky Ones.
Whose parents hug them tightly,
and wipe faces with thumbs.
I am jealous of them all,
with their happy little smile.
I wish that I could take their place,
and have them be me for a while.
I watch aghast as they get angry,
staring dumbfounded as they scream.
"I hate you, Mommy. Go away!"
all over being denied ice cream.
I wince inside myself,
braced for their punishment they'll get.
But it never comes done,
nothing like the pain I've met.
I watch as they cry,
screaming I don't want Burger King.
I wait for them to be hit,
smacked or kicked... SOMETHING!
But it never does,
and I feel sick inside.
Why does their happiness grow,
as mine slowly died.
I love to watch them be dragged away,
finally treated like me.
All the while complaining
and saying stop I have to pee.
Then they disobey again,
and run off towards the swings.
Slipping away from their parents
and jumping off of things.
Then finally they get caught
and I watch them cry.
Their parents pick them up
saying tell your friend goodbye.
They bound over and hug me
I squeeze back a little too tight.
Wishing all over again
that I could be them for one night.
Too have mommy hug me
and daddy shower me with love.
Bedtime stories and warm cookies
for their little dove.
But instead I must go home
to face my papa's fists.
While momma drinks to ignore my cries,
and cigarette smoke settles in like mist.
Then I wish anew and once again
that I was like other daughter's and sons.
That daddy and mommy would change,
But i guess that's just for the Lucky Ones.
Heartbreak :(
My heart
So brittle it breaks
Oh dear has it been staked!
My heart it cries it coos
Pumps out emotional goo
My heart it mourns it sigh
But none can see its plight
My heart it cries for you
To feel the same way too
When will this heartache mend
When will this torture end!
My heart so heavy ,grows numb
In despair it succumbs...
I’m angry, I’m angry
Why am I so angry?
My brow’s always furrowed
My chest filled with angst.
I’m sad, I’m sad
Why am I so sad?
I no longer feel my tears
My face always numb.
I’m confused, I’m confused
Why am I so confused?
My mind’s a lost cause
They’ve all deemed me insane.
I’m lonely, I’m lonely
Why am I so lonely?
In a room full of people
I still talk to myself.
I’m scared, I’m scared
Why am I so scared?
I can smile when addressed
But the rest is a mess.
I’m lost, I’m lost
Why am I so lost?
I’ve been wandering for years
I don’t want to be found.
Long are the days when a parent waits and prays
Prays for their children to live a joyful life
Prays that their days are full of enjoyment not strife
Yet here we all stand
Afraid of every woman and man
Who do we trust and how can we know
if they will be safe when we let them go?
My heart is heavy with sadness and worry
For there are dangerous people
filled with evil and fury
Pay attention
to the tension
fingers on the steering wheel
gripped as tight for bending steel
red and racing, raging mind
wishing mayhem on mankind
an air of chronic malcontent
lights his eyes with vile intent-
“DON’T LOOK AT ME!
I’LL SLAP YOU SILLY!
I’LL TAIL YOU ALL THE WAY TO PHILLY!
I’LL MAIL YOUR BODY PARTS TO CHILE!!”
all within his vehicle
he’s wicked and maniacal!
But
pay no mind to little man
protected in his rolling can
the same man who has cast this wrath
tonight will take a bubble bath
kiss his kids and wife and then
tomorrow rage on roads again……..