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I've never been so angry.
I've never felt so battered.
I've never felt so hurt
But my trust was never shattered.

I told you all my secrets.
I never told you lies.
This should have never happened.
My trust should not have died.

How can i trust you again?
I feel so betrayed.
You might not have meant it
At least that's what you say.
But the words were still spoken
And it still hurt for days.

I have accepted that it happened.
I know what's done is done.
Doesn't mean i like it,
Especially since no one won.
And now my trust is shattered
How can this be undone?

Maybe one day i'll trust you again.
I guess someday we'll know
But until then i don't know what to say
Or even where we stand.
I hate that this has happened
But i know how to trust you, I know deep down i can.

I hate small talk.
I hate fake friends.
I hate being judged by the way I look.
I hate stupid people.
I hate dumb questions.
I hate drama.
I hate instigating.
I hate people who take over conversations.
I hate being told what to do.
I hate my parents.
I hate dishonesty.
I hate bragging.
I hate loneliness.
I hate when people stare.
I hate marriage.
I hate silence.
But I love you.

you inconsistent muthafucka.

All you inconsistent muthafuckas.

You always doubted me and told me that i'll never be what i am now.
I dare any bitch to stand up against me my phraseology will knock your ass back down.
I'm so sick and tired of all the fuckry and lies,
I can't even breath and the haters got my stomach in bow ties.
I don't know why and the hell i worry so much,
I got so much beauty and brains and my proficiency is something they can't touch.
I guess I'm paranoid because i know they're trying to take me out
they tryna 2pac me and hit a bitch with headshots.
it's okay, They rather see me dead or locked away.
Fuck all you fatuous inconsistent muthafuckas I'M DOING THIS MY WAY,
SO FUCK WHAT ANYONE OF Y'ALL GOTTA SAY.

There is no happy ever after,
Forget that dream come true,
All that I've know was a lie from you,
You played me for a fool,
Just to leave broken pieces behind,
Tears falling from my eyes,
And hurt that cant be undone,
All I ever was to you was a bit of fun,
Even if your happy now,
Karma will come and get you now,
You'll be the lonely one

It sits in the back of my mind,
It creeps downs my back, it slides down my spine.
It poisons my stomach,
It aches in my chest,
It taunts me with things I've tried to forget.
I scream for help, I beg and I plead
But rescue is something I will never receive.

You can ignore me
You can ‘lose’ your phone
You can do anything you wish
But I will be heard

Even if it comes down to
Us not talking anymore
You may get silence from me
But I will be heard

Because I know that
My silence will tell you
I am not taking your shit
So I will be heard

You may work seven days a week
But I have never felt like this
You and I both know in the end
I will be heard

Even if you leave me for her
That is quite all right because
In the end of it all
I will be heard

Let this poem show you
Exactly how I feel
Because the title says it all
I will be heard

~Chrystal
Written on
October 24, 2011

This pain has been around
For so long now,
I don't even remember
What caused it.
Perhaps it was the
Dark monster,
That waits for me when I go home.
Maybe it was those
Twisted shadows,
That never want to
Leave
Me
Alone.

It could have been
From all the smiles,
That had been used
When there should have
Been tears.
Or possibly the
Nightmares, that run
Wild through my room
At night.
I think it was the
Frosty friends,
Who always wanted to
Leave
Me
Alone.

A star that was once
Sitting, so beautiful,
In that dark heaven,
Fell from her crystal
Throne and landed
In the burning pit of desire.

The desire burned so strong that
The star lost herself
Within it's blinding light,
And
Forgot
How
To
Resurface.

Nineteen years and growing up
Add more on and don't stop
Nineteen years and growing old
And yet you're there with soul so cold
Maybe it isn't bad on your end
But to me, this is what happened
An infant, innocent to unknowns
Takes her first years on her own
When she cries for mommy
She cries for auntie
When she cries for daddy
She really wants grannie
Years past and she feigns her affection
For in the back of her head, it's all rejection
She never liked him, nor was she close
She hated her home and its ass of a host
She hated him near by
She hated him. Why?
She was never worthy enough
She was weak rather than tough
Her eyes welled up with tears
With every insult she hears
And when she runs and hides
He follows her with those cold eyes
Lifts up that hand
On her face it lands
Never a sorry, no, never
He spits on more on her
Regardless she's nineteen
Not a princess nor queen
But a lowly nothing
Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
Her hate starts to boil
And her mind starts to toil
He doesn't know this girl
Or the hell she's been in
The little glasses that she swirls
The vodka, the rum and the gin
She vowed to stay away
So she can pretend to be
Daddy's little girl and stay
Secret of who she
Is, has become, let out
Unleashed herself from him
Find what she is about
Instead of being that dim
Dumb child that he sees
She's tired of acting
And her rage agrees
Now there's no backing
Down. One can play the game
But two can do the same
~5/18/11