there was a girl

there was a girl

older than me
but young in life
there was a girl
with clear skin
and a beautiful scattering 
of freckles, 
like a picturesque scattering
of seeds 
waiting to bloom 
into flowers
there was a girl
who loved music 
especially old folk tunes 
that remind her of her childhood
and riding her motorbike
recklessly on her own
there was a girl
who had suffered 
too much for her age
and yet she only trusted
a few
with the dark secrets 
beneath her smile
there was a girl 
different to the rest
not only in who she was
but also
the way 
she made me feel
there was a girl
who changed 
everything I thought I knew
about life 
and who I was
there was a girl
who blessed me 
with kisses and love
and company 
in my single bed
there was a girl
who would hold me
comfort me
care for me 
love me
there was a girl
I hurt 
I abandoned
for shallow acceptance
from my peers
there was a girl
who was in pain 
needed a friend
needed help
there was a girl 
who found 
her savior
in a bottle 
of pills
and then suddenly
there wasn't 
a girl

Requiem For A Casualty





One rainy day I peered into the window of your soul,

The shattered pieces of your life, like a shroud to fill the hole,

A roomful of confusion, was the story left behind,

A teardrop dons a cheek or two, life's end can be unkind,

This solemn stage is deafening as soldiers come to call,

The pinned lapels are like trophied shelves adorning a blackened wall,

And as I toss the single rose atop the earthen mound,

I toss my sun... My moon... My stars...

My life, into .the ground.



2012 ©



Author's Notes/Comments: 

like a car in the junkyard. i get embarassed at times. human life

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I'll Help You Sleep Better.

Nights spent standing over you.

I caressed your cheek after every tremble.

Though your eyes were closed,

I can tell you were frightened.

You stare your restless eyes upon me when I'm here.

When I am away, you sleep like a baby.


I come home in the midst of the night,

To find you clutching the sheets

And squinting your eyes.

Wrestling the adversity in your sleep.

You suffer, my love.

I pressed the knife into your heart.

Your suffers shall subside. 

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My Inner Demons Are Winning


My life used to be

one giant hulking mess.

and me a weak sodden soul,

padded with distress.

I tried to fight against it

but it kept dragging me down.

Smothering me in regrets

and causing me to drown.

I often sleep for hours

with no desire to wake.

And let the depression take me down

though I know it is a mistake.

SO I begin to look for vices

to let my frustrations out.

Not thinking that I need anyone

to talk to this about.

So instead I grabbed some liqour

enough to put me to sleep

Or drink a drop of cold medicine.

to knock me off my feet.

And sometimes I'd get this feeling

of immense pain in my head.

And take two advils,

then to the world I was dead.

I'd let my demons drag me down,

and tell me it was okay.

That no one cared and I was worthless

and I'd believe what they'd say.

So I'd drink more of stolen liqour

and do what I knew was wrong.

But the allure of my demons was enticing

for they sung a hypnotic song.

So I kept letting them drag me down

and I never expected to get back up.

Just kept giving them my tears

to fill their never ending cup.

I sometimes chose to fight against them

thinking I don't want to let them in.

And then life takes a downwards turn

and I give in to them again.

And though this may be a time, when

 their power over me, is slowly but surely thinning.

Sometimes I can't help but feel,

my inner demons are winning.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Words are red because its painful to admit something is wrong but sometimes its necessary to get rid of some of this darkness.

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No one to care about my feeling leads me to write my final note..

you left

im going to do it

the jerk i have been

how iv made your life misable

im sorry ... it wont happen again

your not willing to try for a second chance not at

a suiside not im writing to all

good bye my love... good bye family ... good bye everyone

im one less youll need on this plannet

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Ill do it .. if i wasnt soo scared :'(


They say that an angel watches over me
For this i hold as truth
As through my life i have been tested
Were there is nothing but fear and doubt

Yet somehow someway i knew
That you were there holding my hand
even through its been years since  youve gone
everyday in some way i make your memeory live on

Im not going to say my life as been horrible
It certanily has not
Its just some things have affected me alot
Some changed me and some made me look at life a different way
And in all my life has always been the same

That is always looking out for others first
Even though carrying there oain is my curse
But u chose to walk this road alone
Even though you walk behind me saying " dont't go"

Many nights ive let my thoughts get to me
and those night are things i can never take back
The things i said and the things i did
I can never forget what i have done
but i know it form the past i run

You have always played a role in my life
even though you my angel in the sky
Forever and always is were you will be
inside my heart safe with me

A poem dedicated to my sister
You will always be with me

Are we really arguing again?

This house is too small
I feel bigger and I need a way out
My arms burst through the ever closed windows
My legs and feet through the basement floor and then soil
This foundation that should stabilize is not even the original
That grew me into a flower from seedling
Spare the house for them
But let me break free

Bedtime By Myself

It began by thinking of the way we used to ride
When I moaned and you groaned
Hours of strong delight bursting inside
I remember the scent when I’d taste your skin


Like hypnotizing perfume, it always stayed.
The warmth that our arms genesized with a mutual grasp
Created synced movement that’d reliably bedazzle and then fade.
I’ve known in my heart we were approaching the end.


Now I’m just here, you’re over there
I cannot hurt you over dreadful things you’d do and call it fair.
Fascinating how further apart is the distance we share
It could be like we were never there.


Try to erase you from a pure mind
Mutilated by aggressive, psychotic, lustrous tendencies
That way I can have a free mind
As always, good riddance brings such sweet sorrow.


We burned as a star til its light burns out
Fast and magnetic
Like our love that we hurried to surmount.
I believed in you undoubtedly, you'll never find that true.
I wished you’d find peace of self and happiness divine
I prayed if I could give mine, you could feel happy too.


But you severed a relationship we didn’t want to die
Faith, help me through this; alone in sheets here I do lie.

As My Blood Turns To Alcohol

I need to be drunk,
I need to feel pain,
but from it, what do I gain?
Nothing, I'm just slowly being slain.
And by my own hand,
my own fucking demand.

Just look at me, how I spend my day.
The second I hear the alarm clock,
I'm reaching for that bottle of bock.
Then throughout the day I grow more pale,
bottle after bottle, ale after ale.
Then every time the thought to stop comes about,
I drown my doubt in a bottle of stout.

And to think it all started as a test,
Now I cant live without the taste, the sweetness,
Is there such a thing as alcohol proof happiness?

In my mind I'm screaming,
Somebody stop me!
I need help!
Don't leave me for dead!
I don't even sleep at night, I just lie in bed,
because there's nothing louder in my head than these words I never said.

Now I have a prediction,
about the future of my addiction.
I'd like to say I'll recover some day,
But I've never been one for words of fiction.
Odds are I'll continue to cave,
Until I meet an early grave.
Is there any other way to live with this insatiable crave?

-The Fever

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