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Sleep continues eluding me
while thoughts of you keep pursuing,
stopping my dreams from unfolding 
& knowing dawn comes early,
it wakes me to reality 
knowing there will never be
what could've been, what might've been, 
& so I'm waiting, while pursuing
a kind of on-hold aching peace
filled with lingering remembering
wondering if you, too
are ever sleepless
thinking about me................................

Sleep calls to me, 
but my heart is just not listening,
as the overflow
keeps gently falling
like autumn rain 
on gardens still growing
though summer's come & gone already, 
with winter's soon arrival coming,
when the seed will finally fall & die
when you're no longer in my life
but in the one to come, & finally
home will be reality
as it always felt yet never could be
between us, as it was meant to be.....................

I love you more than I've let free,
it remains hidden within the depths of me,
as I let you go you're still in all I see,
but I know I must just let you be
while reaching yet withdrawing, all in disguise, 
it's expressing from my eyes & with my sighs,
yet words are never spoken freely,
truths are hidden, although I see
this love will never go away
until we do, & that's ok, 
love never ends, 
til we go home...
...I'll endure loving while alone...................

Sleep's the escape 
I need to find,
I cannot get you off my mind, 
but I know I must crucify
what's refusing to depart or die, 
so exhausted though I am right now
I will lay all this down somehow
& let His Spirit minister to my heart
that {even with His peace} is still torn apart,
only He knows the secrets within,
only He understands my secret sin,
only He can help me understand
what is & isn't in His plan,
so sleep, come find me, bring release
from words that circle, searching for peace.
              *~*~*~*~*

~ Anastazia Rowe ~    
Oct. 30th, 4 am, 2017.