Missing You

Letting go

Letting go,

Daddy I am having a hard time letting you go,

I broke down crying again today,

First to mom,

I am doing my best I say,

But she knows I am so sad,

And then to my sister in the same day,

My sister says I know he loved us,

I know he did,

I can’t do this I say,

She says Misty we will make it through,

And I love you so,

Daddy why did you have to go?

There are so many things I need to know,

But will never know,

Daddy do you know?

Was it a beautiful  day up there today?

Was the sun out?

Did you see my big brother?

Daddy why did you go?

I am so sad,

And I don’t want to let you go.

9-9-07

2007

misty yanish

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O how the time goes’s so fast

O how the time goes’s so fast,

It has been three weeks since you found your wings,

And yet it feels like just yesterday,

Daddy I feel like you should still be here,

I miss you so much,

And I am hoping you know that,

Do you?

Do you?

I miss you so much,

O daddy I love you so much,

I feel like you should still be here,

I need to say sorry,

I was so mad at you,

For not being there for me,

But now I am just so sad,

O daddy what do I do?

It was the drugs I know,

And you did not know which way to go,

But daddy you should still be here,

So I can say,

I am sorry,

And I love you,

Hey daddy is heaven a beautiful place?

Are there roses in heaven?

Are they red, pink, or yellow?

I like those colors the best,

Will you save me some?

And bring them to heavens door,

When I see you again,

O daddy when I see you again,

O daddy how time goes so fast,

Just know I am sorry,

And I love you so.

2007

9-2-07

misty yanish

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DESTINATION WHERE?

You left without a word of farewell,

Leaving me to cope with everything:

Pain, suffering, loss and memories,

All for what? To wrap up nothing?



Do you want me to travel far in time?

Tell me, if you can, from wherever you are:

Tell me, why you left me quietly,

Suddenly, without a reason or a rhyme?



Do you want me to travel far in time,

To find out about your quiet departure?

What more do you want to impose,

On me, already wrecked by disaster?



What did I not do to make you carefree,

To see smiles lighting up your being,

My bygone childhood and my days of youth,

What has remained - to see you happy?



You wanted everything your own way,

To a great extent you had your own say,

Mother, myself, my brother and sisters,

Of all, who helped you most night and day?



Even on the day before, you held your own,

Wanting me to be a sufferer,

When that too happened you increased the pain,

And left, sans farewell, to a realm unknown.



The grass decays and the rain effaces,

The grave is the last scene in this life's play,

But your spirit continues to pervade somewhere,

And after it my eternal question races.



Do you want me too, to don forgetfulness,

And embark on a quest, after your soul,

Or in a half-awake seance of a sleepy spell?

If not, tell me, where do you now dwell?



Grief, for me, has become a drudgery,

I want a break, even if for a while only,

What has life become if not misery,

With brief respites of a short-lived smile?



The darkness reminds me of Gray's Elegy*,

The country looks like one vast graveyard,

Destination where? To Heaven or to Hell?

Or to hang in limbo till the doomsday knell?



Questions I have but no answers,

This has been so in the span of years,

Silence mocks me, even my whisper,

Does not find a shelter for tears.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

*Gray's Elegy: Elegy written in a country churchyard by Thomas Gray...one of the best poems in English literature.

My learned, able and philosophical father passed away in his sleep on the 3rd-4th of December, 2007, in Rawalpindi.
This poem is a depiction of my first feelings...

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Sick.

you get sick after a while

being by yourself and being lonely for so long.

it gets to you makes you --->SICK

when there's no one there to hold you in their arms,you become sick in the head.

not SICK but crazy.

you're actually ILL when you cry so hard and you're always alone.

it gets to you make you ---SICK

when tears stream down your face night after night,hurt lurking in your veins,tear stained clothes,damp pillows and,wow, if the walls could speak of what you've done to yourslef at night...

if anyone could watch you every night as you cry yourself to sleep, no one there to be your medicine,they would cry, too.

you grow up only knowing isolation,loneliness,rejection,and independence and you dont know how to deal with the world in any other way.

because it has always been "world versus me"

and you've always had to fight your own battles.

everyday is another battle.

and it gets to you.makes you --->SICK.

lonely nights.

tear stained face.

strawberry gashes.

helpless cries for help.

you get sick after awhile.

being alone for so long.

it gets to you.makes you -------->SICK

Author's Notes/Comments: 

written:11.9

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Get Out, Give Back

You're the one that hurt my heart

You made it hurt from the start

And now you're gone all I can do

Is sit around and think of you



Please get out my head

Your voice, your face, your smell

Cos with them all inside of me

I can't forget you very well



Give me back my old blue shirt

Take away some of this hurt

Give me back my dvd's

Just get out my life please



Please get out my head

Your voice, your face, your smell

Cos with them all inside of me

I can't forget you very well



I'd like back some sense of pride

Maybe then I'll manage not to hide

You made me this way cant you see

Please just give me back the old me


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you

Folder: 
my past loves

its you i come to see,

you i want to be,

you i live for,

you i want more,



i need you ever so, alisha dont you go,



i look into your eyes now you could see my fall

as you hold me tight you could hear my call





its you i come to see,

you i want to be,

you i live for,

you i want more,

Author's Notes/Comments: 

written 5 years ago but editied for my love alisha

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Dear Son,

Folder: 
Military

                            08-25-07



Dear Son,



Dear Son, I hope this finds you well,

And that you are safe and all is right.

I hope that they are treating you good,

While training you how to fight.



Nothing much is happening here,

Just more of the usual stuff.

Its hard to go about my days,

When I'm missing you so much.



I count the days off mentally,

And mark them on the calendar too.

Knowing that each, that gets crossed out,

Brings me one day closer, to seeing you.



But then I wonder, just how long,

That you'll be home again to stay.

How long till they 'call you up'

And you must answer and go away?



I know that being a Soldier, Son,

Is all you've ever wanted to be.

And while that leaves me feeling proud,

Its also utterly terrifying to me.



I think back over the years gone by,

When you were just a little boy.

When the only guns, that you played with,

Were plastic, harmless toys.



I knew back then, the path you'd choose,

And now it has come to pass.

But still, I wish, you were still small,

Playing with Army men in the grass.



How has time just gone by so fast,

In only the blink of a mother's eye?

That now I've had to watch, another of my birds,

Spread his wings and and fly?



But no matter where life takes you, Son,

When you're tired and need to rest-

Remember home, is always here...

There will always be room in my nest.



For a mother's children, all will leave,

But in her heart, there's always a home.

And that's where I keep you, tucked safely inside,

While out on your own, in the world, you roam.



And so for now, I'll close this letter,

So I can send it out, and on its way.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

For my son Zach, who is at ARMY BASIC TRAINING.

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Empty

There’s still film on the window next to my bed.  The green and blue hues that blanket the walls don’t seem quite as bright.  The red however, pounds endlessly through the room.  Like a dense fog holding a memory almost better than I can.  Strange, the bed still smells the same, the dogs still bark at passing cars, but the air is empty.  Empty like my bed, like my heart.  Empty like the glass beside me and the driveway out front.  Empty like the souls next door and the shoes on my floor, but not like my head.  Not like the pen in my hand which gives life to those thoughts, lumped in my brain just waiting for attention.  Thrown in there like babies waiting to be born or else like chickens waiting to be slaughtered, fed to my night to keep it alive.  Such fantasies and horrors I can not understand all at once, only one at a time.  I cringe as they are fed to the flame full of wax to light my empty paper, cluttered with the hopes and curiosities that vacate my mind to be born into a world, to be seen, to be heard and understood.  Yet still meaning nothing to the countless people that will never read them, thus empty.  Slowly the thoughts die off one by one and the light begins to fade.  The dogs quit barking and a breeze sneaks by the window, suddenly my heart no longer feels empty.  As my head clears a solemn dream overtakes me and I drift to sleep in your arms.

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I Miss Our Romance

Folder: 
Love

I miss our romance, miss our "life.

It's too much for me to stress to you

What this all really means;

I believe it means

I need your loving romance to keep me alive-

To keep me in your warmth.



You've given me so much love-

So much that it makes me feel

That I need you always;

I need to know our love is there.



When we're not together I cry-

I feel so lost, alone, and isolated.

I feel so damn out of place.



I just wanted to say-

I miss our romance.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Wrote this poem the day before yesterday. I just felt bad because I miss my b/f and though I already kno I'm gonna see him again tomorro, I just feel real sad...It's upsetting, really. But this is a good read for everyone.

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