grief
IN DARK DREAMS.
In dark dreams
I walk again
those empty
hospital corridors
with their dull lights
and smell of disinfect
and death
in those dreams
I look for you again
my son
passing by
the blanks faces
of others
looking at
their eyes
for glimpses of life
or concern
or such
as humans
sometimes have
I go by
room after room
pass porters
pushing
the occasional trolley
by the various
side wards
passing by
the bright lights
of hospital shops
in the dream
I am hoping
to find you once more
sitting there
on the bed
your back turned
your head lowered
but this time
I am hoping
for a healthier you
my son
not one so ill
so lost
in this dream
sunlight shines
through the window
of the small ward
a bird sings
not that dull curtain
the murmur
of voices
the usual limbo like
air about the place
this time my son
I wish to find you well
looking at me
with your own
familiar smile
not that haunted
expression
and tired eyes
that draw from me
a steam
of deep felt cries.
THIS GRIEF MY SON.
This grief
has teeth
my son
it bites through
skin and bone
tearing at heart
and mind
(the deeper
the love
the harder
the pain
I find)
this grief
with its pearly whites
gnaws at me
through dull days
and dark nights
trying to drag me
to dark depths
shaking me
like a dog with bone
bringing me
to deep hurts
and aching moan
this grief
holds hard
bites deep
taking me
to dark dawns
and black dogs
of sunset red
and echoing memories
in numb
and hurting head
this grief has teeth
my son
biting through
bone and skin
tearing me within
but memories remain
strong and clear
and bright
which will
sustain me
through many
a deep dark night.
FOR A DEPARTED SON.
in which to cry;
through joyous eyes
I saw my son born,
through bleeding eyes
I watched him die.
Grant me a corner
in which to cry.
Permit me a quiet place;
let tender fingers
sew together
a wounded heart,
which through
my son's death,
has been torn apart.
Permit me
a healing place.
Allow me a soft bed
on which to rest;
let someone soothe
my aching brow;
keep the memory
of my first born son,
not amidst the dry reeds
or dull souls,
but amongst the best.
Allow me a bed
on which to rest.
FOR A DEPARTED SON.
Grant me a corner
in which to cry;
through joyous eyes
I saw my son born,
through bleeding eyes
I watched him die.
Grant me a corner
in which to cry.
Permit me a quiet place;
let tender fingers
sew together
a wounded heart,
which through
my son's death,
has been torn apart.
Permit me
a healing place.
Allow me a soft bed
on which to rest;
let someone soothe
my aching brow;
keep the memory
of my first born son,
not amidst the dry reeds
or dull souls,
but amongst the best.
Allow me a bed
on which to rest.
Enter My Fear
and the darkness shrouds the land in only misery's cries.
Enter grief!
A timeless ocean.
Trapped of despair, trapped without relief
Enter the moon!
Endless racing of the thoughts.
Including you alone, trapped dead inside an empty room
The dead is holding you stiff once more!
Staring into your eyes, never have you felt so gone before
The time comes again, to pit against all that is you
Will you ever find the part of you that is actually true?
Paint the sky bleak
Consider everything we cannot speak
The one painting with the sun I painted as a child is lost.
Reality has broken the barrier, this is the ultimate cost
Ginger Ale
Armor can withstand the deadliest swarm
While blanket can keep the injured souls warm
You are superior to both.
For armor can’t caress the cub in distress
And blanket can’t protect
For all of us that you call you own,
You have done so much.
When we screw up and lost in our world,
You pull us out with a tender touch.
I enjoyed our every exchange,
Leaves me asking for more.
Things I’ve done to make us estranged,
It hurts me to my core.
I return as the summer ends,
I’m determined to make amends.
It will happen for sure.
As days go by and nights turn late, I procrastinate
Until that day.
I truly adored the stories told
In the conversations we will have.
But fate had thought of plans so cold,
That I no longer have the chance.
You should have seen, in the afternoon,
When we all learned the truth.
Not a single dry eye across the yard,
we face the shocking sooth.
Questions were asked but none was solved, saw the light escape many eyes,
All that’s left was grief.
For the big and small, for the fragile and strong, for the friends and foes,
We come together in disbelief,
No boundary as we embrace, as we try to comprehend.
To comprehend, to understand, to…
Impossible, minds were filled with thoughts,
Tangled in a thousand knots.
Nothing but chaos.
When the fog thinned out, there is no doubt,
We remembered what you said.
Ginger ale to replace the beer,
Keep a leveled head.
Together we cheer,
With the ginger ale, to you and all you’ve done
Till this day, I cannot say,
I have truly face reality.
For in my mind, you went away
In a vacation blissed and free.
I will wait, till that date,
When I have the chance.
But till then, we celebrate,
With bottles of ginger ale.
Dear Santa
Dear Santa,
I know I'm a bit old to be writing to you.
And I know that what I'm asking you,
is something that is very irrational.
But you're supposed to be,
this amazing, magical, all powerful being.
And I have just one wish,
besides my wish for my crush...
And this wish, this huge, important,
forever present, christmas wish,
is....
Oh Santa, please,
please, oh please,
give me back my baby sister.
I know it's a crazy wish,
but it's what I REALLY want!
Even if she can't come back
and actually be alive...
I just one more chance
to talk to my baby girl!
Love from me
Moriah
My Heart Breaks (2nd Version)
When I think of all the things
you'll never do...
When I think of all the places
you'll never go...
When I think of all the things
I can't say to you,
My heart breaks.
When I look at your picture....
When I look at your grave...
My heart breaks.
When I miss you...
When I miss your laugh...
When I miss your smile...
My heart breaks!
My Heart Breaks
When I think of all the things
you'll never do...
When I think of all the places
you'll never go...
When I think of all the things
I can't say to you,
My heart breaks.
When I look at your picture....
When I look at your grave...
My heart breaks.
When I miss you...
When I miss your laugh...
When I miss your smile...
My heart breaks!