anger

Weight On My Shoulders

Folder: 
Deep in Depression

Strength.
Human strength.
My strength.

How strong are we?
You can hold in so much,
For so long.

You're pushed,
Pulled,
Yanked,
Tugged,
Knocked,
Pushed.

Until,
Breaking point.
I sometimes wonder,
Do I have a breaking point?

Love,
Hate,
Sex,
Pain,
Desire,
Want,
Jealousy,
Work,
Needs,
Lies,
Cheating,
Trust,
Envy,
Anger,
Death,
Remorse,
Regret...

Strength.
Why must we go through this?
You scream,
No one knows,
No one hears,
No one is listening.

I hate him Mom.
Zack, why did you hit me?
Hanna, why did you try to kill me?
John, why did you cheat?
Michael, why did you leave?
Maria, why did you stab?
Lisa, why did you abuse me?
Why did you tell me to go?
Why am I sorry?
How do I hold this in?
How do I act perfectly fine?
Why would you hurt me?
Ow, the pain.
Ow, the headache,
The heartache,
The backache,
Could you please pull the knife out for me?
Why did you all leave me?
Now I'm alone.
Living a lovely lie.

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the Head

Folder: 
Misc Poems

shove the plugs into my skull
music saturates my brain
the beat throbbing in my mind
permeating my thoughts
vibrating my dreams
making them real

Author's Notes/Comments: 

When I'm angry I listen to loud music in order to calm down. Last night I was in such a situation, and was also inspired to write this. Short, but passionate.

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What I Hate About You

I have an immense capacity for
Hate, something I think you already know.
There are days when I want to batter your face,
And I wonder how far I can go.

And I wonder if I’m in the right
Or whether I’m even human
As I sit here writing this and stare
At my face in the mirror.

Just how much do I deserve
To live and love and feel?
Am I damned, in Calvinist manner,
To spend eternity in fire?

And yet I still hate you so fucking much
I want to smash that frigid, passive-aggressive
Smile, even as I fear the consequences,
I want to break that smile.

I hate that smile, and I think I hate you
(And does that make me a misogynist?
And I am terrified of that. And just how much
Is it all your fault? You fucked me up, you get the gist?)

I also loath your authority over me,
And the crosses you seem to love to bear,
Like cooking, such an arduous task,
Or walking the dog,
Or being a mother,
Or shopping,
Or drying your fucking hair.

Or, God forbid, living.

I swear to God, when I am free,
It’ll be the last you see of me
For a very long time.

But until then,
I’d better take two,
Lest I kill you before the day is through.

And I am crying now.

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Fuck It

I put my mother through pain
'Cause I’m a cunt a cunt a cunt a cunt a cunt,
I lower myself in shame
'Cause I’m a cunt a cunt a cunt a cunt a cunt,
I seek to pickle my brain
'Cause Im a cunt a cunt a cunt a cunt a cunt
I need to forget my name
'Cause Im a cunt a cunt a cunt a cunt a cunt.

“My pain is four times as great as yours, so why are you hurting me??”
Because I reject your pain.
I hate your pain.
Your pain infected me,
And became my pain.
And my pain,
My pain,
My precious, precious, pain.
Is really all I have.
That and the escape coin.
Flip it;
Heads you succeed,
Create,
Critique,
Inspire;
Tails you indulge,
Glut,
And edge along life’s narrow corridors.

The fact that you tried to quantify it, implies you’re trying to win,
Bitch,
So you can fuck off.
Less than a year to go...
Hopefully I won’t have to come back here.

I want to hurt other people.
I enjoy it.
I the hurt look on their faces;
The “how could you?”
I enjoy it.
I hate other people,
Their content lives and tenement flats,
Easy cocksure self-reassurance.
Content cunts.
I’m too fucked up to live with these cunts,
Even though I am a cunt.
I tried. Believe you me I tried.
But there is no beautiful poem inside this scarred tissue
(Oh, my face, why those scars there? Rub off, rub off)
Just an uncomprehending gibbon,
Rattling his bars.
Rattling,
Gaining,
Always failing.
Going forwards and sliding down.

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Assessment Objective

Fuck your objective.
It’s not my objective.
For me it’s subjective,
For YOU it’s objective
And DULL
And GREY
And BORING
As the directive
You keep beside your bed -
Commands hardwired into your head.
Lessons perspective
Distort corrective.
Forget what’s real
In favour of bounds,
Steely steel.
Limiting crowns.

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Our Son in Vain

Our son
Our son
He cries out in vain

Running in circles
Stay close
Stay sane

He has your eyes
He shares your name

As a cool breeze shivers the spine
He feels our pain

I will journey close to where you are
Just to feel you somewhere
All has changed
Love always remains

Feel it in the breeze
The way you sing my name

Our son
Our son
He cries in vain

-2011 Kailyn Charron

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Haunted by many dreams of my ex. I had one particularly vivid dream of us having actually had a son together.

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Dying

You don’t know how you torment me
I love you so much, it’s killing me inside
Why can’t you see,
I’m locked in a cage.
I’m dying from the inside out
How can I love you with all that I am,
And still feel so empty
I love you and despise you
How can that be?
Who can take this pain away?
I feel like I’m in a torture chamber
I’m screaming, but you can’t hear my screams
I can’t breathe
I’m dying
How can I make you see
That your killing me
Who will save me
Or must I save myself
I’m dying
Save me

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Delusional*

Folder: 
Haikus

Foggy and clouded
Comprehension out of reach
Ignorance is bliss

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Any comments, good or bad, are welcome. Please leave a comment and let me know if you liked it, how it made you feel or what you didn't like about it. Thanks for taking the time to read my work. :)

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Self High

My sight hinder by colours of red and black
That of a twisted spider, venomous and spreading
Disease in my facade world of pure joy

In the curling heat of red and black
I caress my Blades as a lonely lover
The Bal'dons of my personal abyss hell

In the stains of blood red
I am such a confused boy wonder
In this world of mine, I dream of the past

In the lust of midnight black
I sit in drifting tides of rotting soil
My illusions of desire drag me into madness

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