anger

Inner Violence

Folder: 
Poems

A hand with the case of a violent fetish.
A hand tears you apart.
I see all the people just walk around me.
As if I don't even have a heart.
We always walk in the shadows beneath you
We are always here.
Creeping on every emotion you step
We feed on your fear
We feed on your fear.
A heart with a case of a violent fetish
A heart tears you apart
Every time I see you happy people I just want to Break
Into the chains of a new existence
I just want to Break
I just want to Break
A hand in me, it sees
You want to take it all
I don't want to
Let myself break through
You don't see me breaking down
You can't see me breaking down
Here its coming now
You can see it now
A hand in me, it sees
You want to take it all
They see, your scars and your prescriptions
They see your weakness and demise
And in the Shadows of a mirrored reflection
I am there
I am there.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is kind of an underlying problem with myself lately, things build beneath the suface until you unleash your demons. Then everyone sees them.

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Emotional Stability

Folder: 
Cosmic

Happiness is a state of events
Open, closed, but events

Sadness is unopened dreams,
Aware, unaware, but still dreams

Alcohol is not a solution
It's a problem, but feels like a solution

Cigarettes feel happy,
But cause so much unnecessary pain

Dope feels like it should work,
It's causes too much paranoia...

Happiness is a journey
Sadness is the problem.

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Heaven Did it Hurt

Folder: 
Volume One

 
 
 

~~)(~~

Heaven did it hurt”

 

 

Heaven did it hurt?

Heaven are those tears real?

Heaven why is it so hard for you to feel

and so easy for you to kill

 

You stood there wanting me to leave

I was stripped of everything but still begged you please

all my love now runs dry

watching as my life passes me by

This is the way it has to be

Death is all I can see

Living it day by day

Living it until I decay

Heaven did it hurt?

Heaven are those tears real?

deep down a part of me wishes you were real

heaven why is it hard for you to feel

and so easy for you to kill

 

I loved you with all my heart

but you tore me apart

you had a name, but it was still the same

All my love, just turned to pain

Heaven did it hurt

When you destroyed my life?

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

(Updated; From Psycho- Confessions)

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Blind

Folder: 
Volume One

 
 
 

~~)(~~

Blind”

 

 

Why me, Why can't I see

this pain inside, it is to hard to hide

my love for you, as you so knew

why couldn't you love me

my world was blind and free

In my mind

you weren't hard to find

with every beat of my heart

you were there with a new start

but every tear I'd shed

I wish I was dead.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

(Updated; From Psycho- Confessions)

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Dead

Folder: 
Volume One

 
 
 

~~)(~~

Dead”

 

I sold my soul

for something so low

my hate will grow

my fears will glow

falling in the darkest hole

why do you do this to me?

why can't I be free?

why can't I open my eye's and see?

I gave up everything

The insects pile

my corpse they will defile

torn by your greed

killed by your need

slit my wrists to let the blood flow

my spirit trapped below

I am dead to the world

God is dead to me

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

(Updated; From Psycho- Confessions)

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Hurt

Folder: 
Volume One

 
 
 

~~)(~~

Hurt”

 

 

I'm Fucked in the head

Your god is dead

you said I was obsessed

they said I was depressed

nothing is what it seems

were lost within our own dreams

my pain will portray

my emotions will decay

all things will start to delay

my thoughts will slow

nothing can save me now

my mind just won't allow

hurt in many ways

hurt in so many days

peel my skin away

now its impossible for my words to say

you made me believe

that even in the darkest of eve

Love will bloom, but then it will consume

I am hurting beyond words

I am hurt, nothing but dirt

my blood runs cold

the memories in which I hold, will never be told

never again will I love, killed my only chance

the misery will only enhance

hurting I dance, to this devil's prance

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

(Updated; From Psycho- Confessions)

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The Pain of Suicide

Folder: 
Volume One


 

 

~~)(~~

The Pain of Suicide”

 

 

Our hearts turning black,

there's no turning back

your hands stained red

from the blood you shed

The world is now dead

Life is but a dream, that cannot seem

draw your gun because you are dead

falling out of life

falling out of peoples memories

killing yourself for others to see

Hearing your pain, but then forgetting your sane

 

Kill yourself now,

I'll show you how

 

Forget about everyone who cares

remember all those stupid dares

and how everyone turned and stared

clear your head, Pull the trigger now

It doesn't matter, reflect on your life

 

Oh how you wish to have been a someone

But as you dream life gets harder

but you see how everyone hates you

so you want nothing more than to make them pay

oh how much you wish to say

 

"Hiding in the shadows, waiting to hear your reason why;

or how I wish to fly, to go beyond the bounds of human feelings"

 

But that doesn't matter now

Kill yourself, I'll show you how

 

Close your eyes,

all those painful memories die

Pull the hammer back, wait for the pain to take

as you begin to shake, now your life is in your hand

It's time for you to take a stand

a single tear rolling down your cheek, now on your knees.

 

 

Pray for salvation.

The gun in front of your view, if only the cure you knew.

One last look, one last touch, feeling so empty, feeling so alone

all is gone and no one home

Pick up the gun, point it to your head,

your thoughts racing through your mind

your life racing against the time

Any last words from your mouth to the open air?

 

"Life is not fair"

 

Pulling the trigger, the sound echoes through the still air

Falling towards the ground. laying in his blood..

slowly closing his eyes, as he turns his head

Now he's Dead.

 

Why God Why

"So much pain so little gain,

So much hate so little faith"

 

"Death is the only way out"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Okay figured I'd shed a little light on this poem, its been years since I wrote it yet can still remember that day.. I was going through a very rought time in my life, and I've never been strong on the idea of suicide but then who has not thought about it? That particular night I was going through a very bad depression and as it turned out I had butchered my arm in the atempt to drown out the pain I was feeling, I believe if it were not for this poem I had wrote I could have very well been hosbitalized..

 

(Updated; from Psycho- Confessions)

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Genocide

Folder: 
Volume One


 

~~)(~~

 

Genocide”

 

 

Its all about the time

your political crime.

You make it your mission

for my discrimination.

My life is your debate

resting on the shoulders of fate

 

I'm the result of your genocide

the project, your society tries to hide

drowning in the crimson tide”

 

It was sad to hear about Columbine

but you were quick to blame it on the line

because you lack a spine

to admit you were wrong - you accuse it on a fucking song.

 

and you want me to become a part of this?

Where your blinded by your own shit.

 

I'm the result of your genocide

your Corrupted Homicide.

Where being dead and alive - collide

not even being alone will the pain subside”

 

Made out to be,

Losers, Freaks

Posers, Geeks

When we strike up conversations

you make up acquisitions

I was never apart of the occult

all I did was throw you an insult.

Society is quick to judge and condemn

just when its not them.

 

Its all about the genocide,

its time to fuck your pride

because in the end we all die

we all lie, we all bleed, we all cry”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I have decided to go through (over time) and update my old poems to reflect their appearance in my new book. None of them were really changed, just corrected spelling mistakes and the like.

 

(Updated; From Psycho- Confessions)

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"Volcanic Rage"

by Jeph Johnson

 

the mountain of a man is ready to erupt-
why
must
hoops
be
jumped
through?
why must the hoops be invisible?
the mountain of a man is ready to erupt.
I am lost
with
no way to go
no way home,
but to break the law
the mountain of a man is ready to erupt.
and god forbid
the
shorts to court!
shorts to court!
shorts to court!
shorts to court!
the mountain of a man is ready to erupt.
-so disrespectful!
book him!
put his likeness
in the computer
& fingerprints
the mountain of a man is ready to erupt.
I must
break the law
to
obey the law
the mountain of a man is ready to erupt.
judge,
"give me a reason to give you respect."
the mountain of a man is ready to erupt.
I am least respectful of:
power-hungry
authority
figures
with
no regard
for
another's
life
liberty
or
pursuit of happiness
the mountain of a man is ready to erupt.
I am
pro-life,
pro-liberty
and
pro-pursuit of happiness
but
put it in that order!
the mountain of a man is ready to erupt.
pursue
your
happiness
on your own,
do not involve:
my life
and
my liberty
and
my pursuit of happiness
the mountain of a man is ready to erupt. ...please!
the mountain of a man is ready to erupt. I still respect
your pursuit of
happiness
BUT
NOT WHEN IT
INVOLVES
making others
jump through
invisible
hoops
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amani
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!
nisreadytoeruptthemountainofamanisreadytoeruptthemountainofamanisreadytoeruptthemountainofamanisreadytoeruptthemountainofamanisreadytoeruptthemountainofamanisreadytoeruptthemountainofamanisreadytoeruptthemountainofamanisreadytoeruptthemountainofamanisreadytoeruptthemountainofamanisreadytoeruptthemountainofamanisreadytoeruptthemountainofamanisreadytoeruptthemountainofamanisreadytoeruptthemountainofamanisreadytoeruptthemountainofamanisreadytoeruptthemountainofamanisreadytoeruptthemountainofamanisreadytoerupt

Author's Notes/Comments: 

2002 

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