I feel quit lonely here, about to burst in to tears.

I feel quit lonely here, about to burst in to tears. I can't imagine how my heart really feels, but I know I feel tired of the lies everyone tells me. I think my heart is hurt by all the pain I hold inside me. I feel like screaming till my voice is gone completely, like crying and never stopping just how rain happens, like running after something that's not really there but I keep going because I'm so confused of everything that's going on. I wanna say I'm sorry but why should I, if I'm not the one hurting anybody, I'm the one getting hurt but I still hold it in till I can't no more and then explode of all the pain, jealousy, anger, madness, and love, the one thing I fear most sometimes. I try being someone else because I wanna forget who I am, I wanna be someone who no one lies to and never leaves me waiting. I wanna be that girl who everyone loves, just like everyone loves the Fresh air of the beach when there walking in the sand with their love ones. But I will always stay stuck here wanting everyone to stop lying to me and tell me truth about how they feel. There's only one thing in life I want the most and that's to love the ones that are there for me and have never lied and to succeed in life with the goals I have in mind. I feel quit lonely here about to burst in tears. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I wrote this poem yesterday, I guess I didn't feel good about something or someone.  I guess i was just tired of all the lies and the untruthness. I don't know how it sounds but I just wrote what ever came out from inside of me. We live in a world full of lies, hate, jealousy and confusion and maybe its bringing me down Sometimes And wrote something about it. 

Useless Life, Snake Story




I once had a snake,


And I named it "Useless".




The snake made no money for me,


And in fact, it cost me to keep the snake.




Simple garden snake that Useless was,


He was Useless, a huge zero in the world we live in.




But Useless gave me many hours of enjoyment


Before his death.




I enjoyed watching when Useless would


Shed his skin,


Because it looked as if there was 


Another Useless snake in the tank with him,


And he might look at it as if it were a friend,


Keeping him company while I went off to enjoy my life.




Useless was worth a lot to me,


Even though to the world,


He was useless,


To me,


He was always more Useless


Than anyone ever knew,


And his worth can never be matched in dollars and cents


As far as I will ever be concerned.






The End.






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the sad wimpish one 


he covers his body with blood


hoping someone will notice


just how ugly he is



he wants to be noticed


for the great person he truly is


but has no time to notice


that no one notices


anything anymore



and life goes on


and he stays sad


dying to live


and crying to die



never having the balls


to ask himself why



2:39 AM 7/6/2013




Author's Notes/Comments: 

inspired by the signs of the times, and those who are having a hard time enjoying life on life's terms. 

Metallic love

I can't focus... it's getting to me, more each day.. 

my thoughts stretch like clay, & unfortunately mold me, here & there.. 

I wish so much for you to of been able to stay.

was it really mean't to be this way..?

cause I surely feel unsatisfied.. 

comfort is something we all crave.. 

but you were like security to me, & I watched it all get ripped away..

what a waste of a night.. what a realization, I couldn't fight..


I miss you more then the depths of the ocean go deep..

some nights like this.. I have trouble trying to sleep.. 

we yearn, we learn.. forever burn...

tables turn..

I want to take back so much i've said..

because they were useless particles floating around in my head..

6 months pass.. everything falls to ash but the memories.. 


fuck me for letting other opinions get in the way of my true heart..

fuck them for denying love.. as if they really knew.

sorry I can seem like a rainbow of emotions.. or a bleak cloudy day.. 

but I can promise much sunshine after being drenched in such heavy rain.. 


will another 6 months make a difference..?

or would it just be a whole year spent needing you..

it's not like I can't live... or breathe without you..

but it's to the point I really just don't want to... 

sorry about getting "distracted".. 

I don't excpect you to still feel like you need me,

want, love or care about me.. 

though I feel all the same & even more.


this incense continues to coil... & I could watch it for hours.

as i'm thinking.. when I die.. would this all of passed right before my eyes?

I want to know that instead of sitting here, waiting..

hoping, wondering.. not knowing.. 

instead, I'll get to see you smile again..

that for me, would never ever be a waste of time.

at least i'd know that's what I did with my last bit of life.


I don't know if I have the power anymore to get you to laugh without trying..

or the privilege of being on your mind... 

when I take my last breath, please tear this heart out of my chest..

put it in a jar.. keep it preserved.

if you go first.. i'll remember your wish, if it's still what you'd want.

i'll hold onto yours too.. even though it's no longer beating..

always I will love you.. through my hands this blood is seeping..

like treasure... from the chest.

metallic love..  

Author's Notes/Comments: 



i'm depressed!
i reached this conclusion as i undressed.
i lay in bed unable to move, each day is filled with endless seconds without you.
i thought we'd never end, but abruptly, we did!
what's the point of telling me you love me when you leave me alone and cold?

i'm depressed!
i stare at the computer feeling worthless.
i shove food in my mouth trying to fill the hole you left.
i'm unmotivated and uninterested.
what used to enthrall me now bores me to tears.
when you cut me off you took my heart.

i'm depressed!
i confess the pills aren't effective.
i feel the slide down into despair pick up speed.
every ache, every pain, i blame on you.
i try to occupy the hollow hours where you used to be,
but nothing sets my tortured soul free.

i'm depressed!
you'd laugh and declare me useless.
i miss the little things that annoyed me the most.
do you feel better now?
or, like me, do you still have my ghost to exorcise?
i feel incomplete, like there was no closure.
you felt there was because you never answer when i call.

i'm depressed!
i hope time can heal this emotional mess.
the demented days hand out their punishment.
our pictures of happiness taunt me from the wall.
i want to burn them all.
i rock back and forth in a pathetic dance.
i surrender to this moment.
God help me, I'm depressed!