While sitting in my brand new car

A bird approached me, from afar


And as it so, gracefully soared

I was with it, quite absorbed


But then it made, a turn and dove

Right straight at me, it just drove


Its tail it raised, and came in slow

Then it SHIT, on my window

BOEMS by JA 60    

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Sleepless Nights

Self Loathing


Oh how many sleepless nights

Laying there helpless without the lights

Staring above to a realm unknown

My body sinking, heavy as a stone


My sight is blurred with greys and whites

Laying there helpless without the lights

My blanket consumes my every limb

Holding them snug, close,

My vision still dim


Focusing on everything, takes all my might

Laying there helpless without the lights

Thoughts and dreams cross my mind

Anything my daring darkness can find.

Futility in motion

Dust and ash, or sorrow and pain
Choose one path and don't explain
It's a catch 22 reguardless of choice
Trying to scream while robbed of a voice

The path never opens the way I want it to
It all comes to me while I run toward you
You run away and I'm suddenly alone
A kingdom of ash and a dust covered throne

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the sad wimpish one 


he covers his body with blood


hoping someone will notice


just how ugly he is



he wants to be noticed


for the great person he truly is


but has no time to notice


that no one notices


anything anymore



and life goes on


and he stays sad


dying to live


and crying to die



never having the balls


to ask himself why



2:39 AM 7/6/2013




Author's Notes/Comments: 

inspired by the signs of the times, and those who are having a hard time enjoying life on life's terms. 

Antidote - March 24, 2012

Chapter One

I'm sorry about my burden, how I'm so wrong,

And how I'm so stupid with all that I do.

I'm sorry about the way I am, I dont belong.

I'm sorry that I never at all deserved you.


But you can't see this part of me I'm hiding,

That's so crudely hidden under what you see?

I'm sick of crying, and I can't keep on trying,

Without you I'm worthless, you are so free.


You're my antidote that gets me past every day,

You're the one to always save me from my agony.

I wish I could show you I can't live this way.

I wish I could show you my sorrowful blasphemy.


The infectious pain quickly tears me apart,

And shatters my will within a few words.

I feel so helpless, I wish I could restart,

And go back to when I wasn't such a coward.


You're my lost antidote, come cure this poisoning;

Come reverse me, turn me to my former being.

Please stay forever and keep me from maddening,

And keep me from the edge, stop the bleeding.

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Inside My head

Sometimes I feel alone
Where there's never a place to run
Because all I've sewn
is a life of ironic pun

I see you walking and say hello
You reply with the same
But I wonder if you'll ever know
That friendship isn't just a name

It's not all about me
I just want to make you feel happy
But, know that it's me
and not someone who doesn't care

Sometimes I feel alone
and you sit smiling having fun
I watch and wait to be known
But you don't see me. You Run.

Maybe it IS about me
I'm not who I am supposed to be
so how do I change me?
When I'm all alone?

Inside my head
I know that you feel the same
and you also feel much blame
that you too, dread.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I'm feeling very alone. But all my friends at school don't seem to see that a new kid who's a senior might be feeling like he doesn't belong. At my old school it was different. I could hug all my friends, and feel the comfort of friendship physically. But at my new school, it's too hard, and all the wrong people want my hug. Maybe I'm just too focused on myself. How do I lose myself in service to others? How to I be happy by making you happy?


Little One,
He whispers.
Come out and play,
He calls.
Do as I ask,
He persuades.
Give me what I desire,
He orders.
I do it all,
Never knowing,
Never telling,
Always remembering.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Comments/Thoughts appreciated.

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Darkness surrounds me
But I’ m not alone
Nobody will see
And nobody will know
In the dead of the night
It happens without a sound
Because what’s out of sight
Will never be found
So goodbye to tomorrow
Cause I’m stuck in today
Since he didn’t borrow
He just took it away
The face that still haunts me
The night that burns bright
Nobody will see
Since I lost that fight.

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Treading water,
Cold depths,
Aimless currents,
Maddening silence.


In the darkness I feel alone,
The silence creeps into your bones,
I miss your voice,
But only the silence answers.


My soul is longing for something missing,
Lost connections that are a world apart,
We are still friends, right?
Why can't I find you?


Memories of fun times,
Memories of sad times,
Memories of love,
Memories of silence.


I'm drifting without you...
I don't hate you...
I miss you...
Don't you miss me?


It's like grasping at sand,
only to have it sift through your hand,
to reach out for something in hopes of peace,
and to be greeted with.... nothing.

I feel like I'm tossed about,
I meant what I said,
but life drowns us out,
I'm still treading...


Are you drifting too?
Or are you grounded?
Are you looking?
Are you waiting too?


Am I worth anything?
Perhaps I'm not?
Perhaps I'm just a memory,
Vainly struggling to come back.


I feel useless,

I'm faithful and loyal, does that count for something?
If so, why am I just...






Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is for all the friends I've lost contact with. Some nights, I wish I had you to talk to again...
I know I'll never be truly alone, but I hate losing contact with friends I love.

This isn't pretty, it just needed to come out. I hope it resonates with other viewers in some way.
Thanks for reading....

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