Not a tear will out a sigh,
Not a tear will hold goodbye,
Not a tear will grace my cheek,
Not a tear for then I'm weak,
Not a tear will drip and fall,
Not a tear to bawl then call,
I will have the driest eyes,
Colder than december brides,
Yes I will know no tears for you,
For if I'm asked- I'll answer who!?
An Ode to the Guy Who Ranched My Car
Apartment living, we coexist in communes.
Living side by side like boxed in sardines
We stomp on each-other’s silence.
We know more than we would like
About each other’s sex lives.
Your crappy Toyota with taped up wheel-wells
Lays dormant at the front of the lot,
Itching to be the silver Focus out back
Where we currently reside.
No chain linked fences define our territory.
Your inconvenience is to my ignorance,
And my ignorance was your bliss.
Ranch dressing carelessly thrown out
Of your second story apartment
Covers my innocuous Ford Focus.
A spotted lion covered in calories,
You’ve upset the predator.
To your relief, I was nowhere in sight
Until I went to my Focus later that night.
Closing the door to your stage that you stomp
Across every night,
I unanticipatedly discover your art.
So gorgeous, it was!
A mass murder scene featuring the condiment
Ranch like the blood of an innocent man after a shot
To the head where he stand waiting
For his mother to pick up the phone,
To tell Momma that he’ll be back home,
But never actually sees home again.
Like a movie bound to end in tragedy where
We, as the audience, stand mouth agape
Waiting for the man to pull back the curtain
And the violin screeching to get louder.
A knife to the gut
And a scream to raise hair faster than hands in
A class room where everyone knows the answer.
Here’s your extra credit my dear friend.
To the Man who Ranched my Car, I ask,
“Why did you peer out of the window?”
You could have gotten away with it,
But you watched me as I stood behind my car,
Our eyes met for only an instant, and I knew
It was hate at first ranching.
You smile in your sleep knowing that I know,
And your ignorance is my bliss because
Your crappy Toyota sleeps soundly at night
Undisturbed by the ketchup in my fist,
And the smile on my face
Behind the window I kept closed
Below the stage that you stomped across
To become the victim to your own play.
"So fleeting,
the feelings that need to be written,
so we try,
lest we forget,
because we can end the story
right here.
But the writer didn't quit,
there's more than just words
to be conveyed,
painted.
So coast,
let the feelings become a little older,
bolder, embolden the taste
and let your mind
slip into space
where much will be needed,
actual space,
for too much had happened today,
looking for a place to be.
Matter of fact,
every little thing
had it's own story,
poetry to be painted for,
but the encompassing tone
is the gratuity of it all,
the gravity of thanks,
given time and again,
and how that can make
heartfelt words
turn empty.
A day
full of so many happenings
can dilute
the flavor of each herb;
the finite details
of a singular moment
crowded by
too many spices.
The palate becomes overwhelmed,
tastes come all sides,
pungent,
assaulted with bitter flavors,
or salty experiences.
Even the savory, slow
succumbing to sweet memories
can lead to sour smiles.
Too strong a concentration
on the subject of flavor,
and you lose the whole picture,
the entire day.
Exertion,
parading down the street,
or a humble pawn in the presence
of greatness,
balance is best
to appreciate the meal, if you will.
To appreciate every moment,
and the entire day they build."
You decided yourself the idea of you and me, was not quite the reality you’d thought’d bring you harmony. Which might have been fair until you refused to give me the respect to be listened to, and express my antithesis.
Now you’ve left me stuck, self-reciting my sour-salty soliloquy. You tuned me out, showing the epitome of self-servient apathy.
You promised me, mind you had no intention to keep, that you’d still be a friend, until you said the drama’s too deep. It was a vessel you filled with full control and intent. You slithered away and then complained you were spent. You invented excuses and convinced yourself lies, of how I’m just as absurd as other desperate guys.
You made me a villain and issued me blame. Deluded yourself to think shouldn’t feel shame. And you expect me to float off and swallow a this pill that you thought might prescribe a sense that i’m the one who was
ill-mannered, ill-tempered, ill-willed, ill-advised to believe we could salvage the best of our times and harbor a new kind of relationship, where we’d grow apart fondly, with memories
clipped to our dashboards now facing separate directions. Yours, pointed to your fairy tale misconceptions. With your eye fixed on a perfect fairy tale life, glazed to subtle the flavor of inevitable strife.
You seem to forget, I got to know you a bit. Buried your nose in your so called “support” that would never
quit to praise your sadly distorted ambitions, and agree that my warnings were trespassing suspicions. But you never allowed them the transparency I saw, to gaze straight through your Disney princess façade.
Now you desperately grasp for validation with your newest unwitting vessel of self-inflation. You mold yourself hastily to fit in with his life. Tricking him to believe you’ll of course be his wife. When just like the dance you put me through, you’ll get tired and look for something else to do.
That poor young bastard has no clue that there is no way of really pleasing you. With your head in the clouds and expectations too high. You’ll ignorantly fly from him to the next guy.
One day you’ll burn out and PRAY begin to see, that if you’d just sat down and had listened to me. I’d have shown you a more realistic support, and stop racing away from the source of your short-
comings, consistently
fettered to your soul since you’re the cause of your own pain-soaked love letters.
But I owe you one tiny note of praise. Your timing in cutting me out of your days
aligned just the right way to set me up in a daze
with the new love I found, who’s a wonderful dame. If I weren’t so angry I’d spare you the phrase, “she puts you to shame.”
She’s understanding, secure, smart, supportive, thoughtful, and kind. She loving, goodnatured, even when in a bind. My gratitude to you is,
I never would have thought, that I’d find someone else who’s everything were not.
Violet.
You looks as though,
You're swimming in a goldfish bowl full of vinegar;
As if,
You're locked in a cage
Full of snarling , biting dogs;
As if,
You're being slapped by 100 belts.
That's how I look because;
That's how I've been treated.
And you are bitter.
You are very bitter.
You can't imagine.
Let's go get a drink Violet.
Yeah, let's go;
Forget all that.
An object warm and white,
Cup-like with a handle at its side.
Halfway filled with a liquid,
A liquid with a name,
Its name being coffee.
Eager am I to hold this cup,
Equally eager am I to drink
From its rim which my lips shall touch.
Slowly yet quickly I do tilt the cup
And the liquid pours into my mouth.
The liquid's bitter taste,
Yet sweet and warm it is.
Satisfying is the taste,
So gleefully I do drink more
And indulge myself in this sweet galore.
Freely does the liquid
Move around in my mouth
As it plays with my tongue
Tickling its taste-buds.
Around and between my teeth it goes
'til I move it back with my tongue
To the back of my mouth
Where the coffee meets its doom.
Down my throat it goes,
The aftertaste the same as before.
My thirst craves evermore,
Thus I drink some more.
the mind gets filled with decaying debris,
months and years of empty words,
like a cluttered closet never cleaned
cobwebs begin to form and spaces fill
dying matter clog the once well lit corridors
with unresolved differences
silent inner wars, like tremors
below the fault line rise,
passions left ignored collide
between an empty page and an empty life
lies her heart that yearns to speak,
but utters only anguished cries
bitter reminders of more rotted cavities
inside the tightly packed memories
boldly labeled 'forbidden'
she lashes out,
and for another moment,
what she has resisted for years is hidden
9:08 PM 7/3/2013
©
...........
The days of old...
Pass me bye,
Gone and lost, like some kite,
Floating upon high.
And as the ticking continues,
The middle hand shadows its brother,
Old age creeps into your bed,
Like a familiar lover.
In the sea of faces
I am lost, and retreat back into the fold,
One of the many,
Now faceless and un-bold.
Not getting my stardom,
Not gaining the wisdom,
I am the hollow,
A lonely soul,
All one can do is follow,
Wallowing in sorrow,
Now is the days of the new...
my insecurities are stalking me.
you're steeped in sickness but i fret over your unresponsiveness.
i feel like i need you more then you need me.
the voices of discontent grow louder in my head.
i want to believe your reasons are legitimate,
but the lies of past lover's leave me unconvinced.
i pick apart our time spent.
is there a deception i have missed tucked away among your perfect words?
a riddle or mystery waiting to be solved has emerged.
this has been an amazing journey,
but my daddy's words echo, "if it's too good to be true,
then he's probably lying to you"
my flaws are becoming prominent.
your concern for your own contentment grows.
you have your life all planned out and i'm not in it.
i'm a wildcard that only cast doubts.
you reassure me it'll be okay.
you tell me i have nothing to worry about
then why am i worried?
my feet cast shadows on the wall.
i watch my fears come out to play.
i don't know how to turn these lemons into lemonade.
i don't have the nerve to complain.
you explained yourself just yesterday,
but i'm still confused!
the pressure to be who you want gets to me.
i want to be who you think i am.
i hide the bitter, fearful, depressed parts of me.
i struggle every day to be half of who i am.
i don't want to ruin the illusions you have.
you are what i see i wish i could be more like you.
my insecurities are ready to overtake me.
just beyond my reach is sanity.
i must resist the urge to flip my lid.
there's questions i have that are unreasonable.
i keep waiting for my fears to fade, but know i now they are my friends.
this is how i protect my heart.
i freak out then fall apart!