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You came at a bad time.

A terribly, terribly bad time.

You showed up the moment I couldn’t stand to touch you.

I was afraid you were never going to come.

I should have been glad you came, but why am I not relieved?

Is it that crippling fear that the moment I touch you, you fade away like a ghost?

Is it that you might be a whistleblower looking for an insecurity to use against me later?

Or is it that you are trying to distract me from tending to my garden before it dies of thirst?

I want to shout, “Why didn’t you come sooner?!”

I want to shout, “Where were you when I needed you most?!”

I want to yell at the top of my lungs, “Would it kill you to tell me what’s driving you away from me?!!”

But I am too nice. Too kind and gentle to scream and point to the elephant in the room.

The very elephant that a sorcerer pulled out of his hat and crippled both of my limbs.

I never wanted to call for help because it reinforces the notion that I should still be in high school.

I’ve crawled around all year avoiding the other teenage drama queens that worship dragons.

Seems like they forgot that dragons like to steal our fortunes and our hearts. Before they eat them.

Spending time with my open-minded little brother has planted a seed of doubt in my head.

A seed that gets me thinking that all love does to me is waste my time experimenting with false hope.

My imaginary nights with a fallen angel goes along the lines of;

“Yes, yes, honey, shower me with hugs and kisses. Oh, my love, how I yearn for you.

Pleasure me with your lust until the water in your veins runs out and you become a raisin.

Only then, will I toss you in the sun and wonder why the hell I’ve never gotten lucky.”

When will the water cycle end for the both of us?

What compels Venus to bewitch me to make bad choices?

Why else do you think independent seekers with degrees in hand avoid commitment?

Our grandparents and parents are more patient than our generation is now

Because compared to us, they tended to their gardens and their raisins.

You did a bang-up job tending to me by showering me with promises you can’t keep,

With complex wisdom about human nature, stories of your struggle to get your education over with,

And the snuggles and touches that I wished were real more than the chains I dream of shattering.

You’ve made this game look so easy, you know?

All that had impressed me about you lately is how you’ve lured me into your arms,

Only to neglect me without warning when the sun was at its hottest.

Part of me does not wish to see you go because I tolerate the pain that your absence has left behind.

You scarcely have time on your hands, but would you care to join me for a cup of jasmine tea?

It won’t take long. What I want to know next is what else is new that you have yet to tell me?

I sit in the library

Typing away at an old

Computer whose monitor

Looks more like an

Out dated microwave,

There is the couple

With the constant

Third member of

The club,

always lending a

helping hand to her

but he is not the

one on whom

she rests her head,

There's some sort of rap

Boasting out of some

Cumbersome headphones

Squealing like an old

Plastic wind up toy

two friends calmly

debate their college debt

with dread in the

silence of no answers

and the

long winded

breaths

of breaking the bank

their vibrance

suddenly stoic as

they think about what

their future may hold

It is certainly possible

That debt will be

Insurmountable

That they have

Bought into

A black hole

A Pyramind scheme

Sang their last song

Put everything on Enron

but I would venture

that while yes

indeed debt has

difficult branches to break

there will be little

talk of it at the dinner table

not so much as a hush

on their honeymoon

and bills wont be

baby's first word

So tonight I'll have a few beers

With friends I'll have for atleast a few years

And the bank can bill me

After I've made my first billion

I'm sorry,

If sometimes I sound

And act like
I'm pushing you away.

I'm not scared

Of losing anything...

I didn't need

Anyone...

My life has no

Greater meaning

Until I met you.

It's just that I'm beginning

To love you beyond

I've ever felt before,

Beyond I ever thought

I could,

And it scares the hell

Out of me.

It scares me

Because I have a glitch-

The one you know of.

Some time in the past,

I've allowed myself

To love -

Unconditionally...

And though I know

You are different

And THIS is incomparable,

Loving too much

Triggers the me that was

Hurt too much

And when it happens,

Something inside of me

Shuts off.

And I get scared,

And I try to fight it off,

Pretending I'm okay

When I'm not.

Worse, in defense,

I foolishly build

This stupid wall,

Made of silly words-

Between us.

Wall of words

To gather courage

That I'm ready for 

Anything

Because you and

Your happiness,

Mean everything

To me.

A wall I built,

As if I didn't know

That the warmth

Of your love and

The gentleness

Of your heart

Can see and pierce

Through it.

You know me better.

That I was dying

To be rescued.

You're still there

Unmoved, unshaken.

Hurt...

But waiting, patiently

With open arms-

For me.

I'm so, so, soooooooo very sorry.

If I sound 

And act like

I'm pushing you away.

More than anything,

Despite my glitch,

Please...stay.

Sometimes I question, "What should I do with my life?"

They say, "Follow your heart" but what if I live in despite?

And I don't know why. 

I remember the first rain, 

It's warmth and mist and the Autumn-claimed highlands that it fell upon. 

I remember the school of tiny black fish kissing the ripples on the lake's cool surface.

The auburn pines and fallen logs over pathways, dampening stumps and the wind, the wind,

The wind that whispered all around me: "You Are A God, And Peace Is Expensive."

I remember the first men, 

Gazing around at their small and perfect world, new thoughts rushing so fast though their minds-

They were breathless. I remember their hot beating hearts as they strove for purpose and comfort.

They found a name for that warm earthy feeling that wraps around two people like warm blankets,

I waited patiently for them to greet me as they did each other, drink with me, laugh with me, 

Yet all they did was pray. 

Cement and plastic kill my pure loves.

This hell's imperfections spitting up at me like hot fat in a searing pan.

The sun is too bright for most, so noses are on the grindstone, 

On a project claimed to be far more powerful and prosperous than anything from my feeble craft,

My precious pretty people work too hard, too driven, far too fast. Yet-

I can see eyes in flowers, tongues in waterfalls and bony fingers in dark forests. 

I see every being, its lies and truths, its dreams and torments, every beautiful detail, 

As exact as a botanical diagram penned with a flourishing quill. 

I see connections- person to person- like veins knotted in a body,

Synapses and junctions snapping and jumping with all that delicious energy,

All that mystery and awe that I thought propelled all things, 

I give out frugally, yet freely to those who deserve it. My beautiful chosen ones, 

I will show you misty lakes in snowy mountain ranges, streams flooded with river reeds,

Deep valleys- cracks in the earth- stretches of tall exotic wonders stringed with vines,

I will show you that craved feeling of being home that people kill for. I will hand it to you. 

I will cherish you, as your eyes are my eyes and each new sight is my new wonder, 

I will happily give you those dreamlike moments of exhilarating bliss,

And shower you with them from above.

Sense. 

Sensitivity. 

The highly sensitive person. 

It is not genetically 

marked, but Carl Jung 

says that HSPs 

have a definite 

biological 

difference in their 

nervous systems.

"Oh, don't be so SENSITIVE!!!"

They were once shy,

until they learned

there was no

other recourse,

and the world broke 

them...

...and then,

on the eighth

day, God created 

monsters.

1:25 PM 7/5/2013 ©

Restless toes on the edge of the waterfall peak,

To fly or swim, suffocate or fall,

Temptation tickles the need for retreat;

Even planets migrate to the stars,

Give and no take,

No warmth to remember during the pining of a lonely heart.

On top of mountains, curtained by the clouds,

Everything below in a web woven by nature,

It’s sad to see the man-made scars;

Unnatural to feel concrete beneath bare feet.

Tangled in wants and needs,

No room to breathe when the air gets so thin,

Through preservation we remain static shadows:

Holding on to the flesh,

Reaching out to infinity,

There’s no return.

Vessels depart with souls,

Counting eternity amongst the constellations,

Fate is not a specific time of a happening:

Just the inevitable that repeats itself.

For of all the eons,
And of all the seasons,
That she has seen and lived, endures does she without reason.

Towering giants of old,
Sweeping lands gripped in cold,
With intricate and innumerable secrets, she is bold.

Dark and boundless,
Stretched cold by her caress
With purpose other, does the heaven’s expanse impress.

In waters with undulant creations,
On ground with perfect imperfections,
She is bold and enduring, the careless crafter of suns.

Two legged and alien,
Not always have they been,
For a moment they have conquered, a moment more before they end.

With dancing and burning pain
They have crafted their main,
With which is ever changing, so too is their innocent bane.

For once had she been their lover,
Now they forsake for another,
For the cold malignant metal that is ever at war with their mother.

What kind kindling hands had she
When she brought them to be
And now they unwittingly murder her, ever so slowly.

For of all the eons
And of all the seasons
That she has seen and lived, endures does she without reason.

Against her own children
Who have not always been,
Who tirelessly seek to oppress, to imprison, to end.

Computer is an invention to adore,
Computers have gone into our system’s deep core!

A computer is being used as a pen,
Unbelievable addiction to computers,
We are just hooked to them,
Not knowing how and when?

A computer can give many options to work on….
Sitting on a computer, hours can be gone!

It’s amazing to use e-mail, chatting and face book,
A computer is a great entertainment cook!

A computer plays a role of a good friend,
Your time spent with a computer, mostly has a good end!

When a man made machine is so great!
Think of the Master Computer who opened life’s gate?

Do we ever see the awe in Nature, Sun, Rain and Stars?
Do we give our gratitude to the Lord, for the given minutes and hours…..

Master Computer god gives us water and food everyday!
Do we thank him for the breath taken, any day!

Everything given by god is taken for granted…..
Remember life is short, blessings are wanted!

Pay back to the world with good deeds!
The master computer god,
Will bring you happiness, taking away your weeds!