In contrasts to your darkness and light is your will to live



From the coals of sacred texts, brought fouth from ancient whispers of a circle of unbroken time, dipping and acendinding its change state, as the one constant in unending continuity. Therein lies a simple truth, corrupted with gentle persuasion. 


The state of being, the being of state and status of beings. 

There are three main laws for us to purview and avail here and now, or in past and future possibility. There is one rule that seperates, yet, reconsiles and is master of all truth; ugly or beautiful it renders life in death, death  into life and life into death. 


to live evil live to  - live.d.evil

to Evo L ovE to 


The cycle that never alters its identity making Its mood known in all forms and states; the All as in the We collective; and as the I; AGAPI, the known mystery of presiding over both and the first of the third.


Go.d  and evil.


Live with the hidden truth in plain sight. Felt  with intense realness,  hidden in semantics of languages  long lost and forgotten,  but none is needed to unless seeking to corrupt the incorruptible what is known and fails in explanation.


For  this very reason,  the logic of AGAPI (love) in all its moods, colours, ugliness and beauty fail to be described. And still, the poets' pride tries in vain to capture the whole.  Ever so often though, glimpses resonate and we can see a temporal portal with the promise of the indescribable known.



Author's Notes/Comments: 

For the few temporal and literal scholars here who might find something of interest here. Blessings and Hugss 

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Who I am


                                  Who I am

As you can see I am only me it's who I am and all I'll be

And specials the one thing the world will never see

It makes my family and friends sad when myself I'll slam

But I'll never lie about what I do it's just me and who I am

I have to be perfect for them to see beyond the cover and take a look

And see that there's more to me then the cover of that ugly book

Ive come to realize I'll never have the life I deserve cuz I'm just an ugly lamb

They never look beyond that cover and don't ever see just who I am

My pages are thick and not real thin so no one will turn that first page

They ignore my feelings and never see the walls I've built just like a cage

to protect me from the hurt i feel and the tears I've shed I've built a dam

But forever will i know  the truth about me and will always know it's who I am




Author's Notes/Comments: 

Hope you like it

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*Just Disappear*



 Trisha Barrek Hopkins


I wish you would just disappear

From my life

And never come back never reappear

I dont care how you go 

Use a pill or even a knife


Give me my freedom

Let me learn wrong from right 

Give me a chance

To make my own mistakes 

I really don't want to fight

Be real stop being fake

How dare you kick me out 

With just a shirt and pants

With all your yelling

There's no need to shout 


I hate your attitude

I hate the way you treat me 

I hate when you change your mood

Why can't you see

Your always rude

Just let me free


You look stupid the way you stand 

All tough and Mr. big shot

You think your the boss the man

But your ugly

Your head steamin your attitude hot 


Let me do what I want to do 

To go where I want to go 

To get away from you 

To see people you don't know 


Do me a favor

Just disappear

I don't care go away

With a stupid razor

It's your face I don't want to see

And your voice I never again want to hear

Just let me free

Don't give me that stupid stare


Let me be me 

You made my life rough

The world let me explore 

Why can't you see

I had enough

I don't want your attitude anymore 




Author's Notes/Comments: 

I was mad when I wrote this. Alot was going on. I don't feel this way any more.

Party Pinata





Mexican Pinata

(image from





Hung low 

upon the strongest branch

of your oak tree,

I allowed my own slaughter,

our blindfolded children

you and that other woman

so kindly raised to master 

use of your verbal machetes, 

you spun them

'round and 'round with twisted truths,

cunningly directed them for many years,

by your pathetic, hopeless fears,

with skillful cowardice,

weilding their innocence

to carve the gashes just so,

slicing me open,

like a party pinata 

at a reunion,



and your sick family,

you always used to say

how much you hated being 

outnumbered by women 

growing up,

i hang lifeless now

in their eyes,

from the butchering,

the tree branches curved,

and the leaves withered,

and as my blood drips down 

to feed your roots,

 the only scintilla 

of honesty you seem to 

be able to muster from all those years,

 --that you have not changed at all,

and for myself, 

my once empty hand is full of

what is left,

--only compassion for you,

feeling what it must be like 

to be you,

and who i was 

long ago.


2:34 AM 8/13/2013 ©



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Sour Puss

human beings

the mind gets filled with decaying debris,

months and years of empty words,

like a cluttered closet never cleaned


cobwebs begin to form and spaces fill

dying matter clog the once well lit corridors

with unresolved differences


silent inner wars, like tremors 

below the fault line rise,

passions left ignored collide


between an empty page and an empty life 

lies her heart that yearns to speak, 

but utters only anguished cries 


bitter reminders of more rotted cavities

inside the tightly packed memories

boldly labeled 'forbidden'


she lashes out,

and for another moment,

what she has resisted for years is hidden





9:08 PM 7/3/2013 





Author's Notes/Comments: 

about repression.

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Spiral to the moon

the eyes are so beautiful... 

people abuse their lips too often.. 

ugly words.. distraught faces.

passing through dark voids.. 

black spaces.. 

footprints in cement..

writing in sand.. 


mistakes made, but by the time I realize..

it always seems just too late.

maybe we don't deserve a second chance..

sometimes I feel like that's all I need.

guess i'll have to deal.


in my mind, i've kneeled to you & cried.

in this heart, my yearning towards you will not subside so easily.

my soul is screaming..

there's a spirit looking down..

such disappointment,

destroying me.


false reality you try & pull her into..

worn limbs, shattered smiles, heavy eyes.

the pain is swelling..

so fake, you keep on, like a robot, with no cause...

fuck these man-made laws.

I don't need your restriction to enjoy myself.

these rules crash down, fallen stones on the ground..


I will blow away with the leaves, for I am not stablized as the trees.

some night, near or distant, I will fly up & greet the moon..

when I get there, i'll ask, "is it still too soon...?"


Don't look at me.
I want to run away
And escape from this miserable world.

I'm angry again.
I blame this broken and tattered mirror
For making me seem ugly
Even on the inside.

I don't want your sympathy
I don't need your kindness.
You're suffocating me
So Please

I want to scream
And shout.
What do I have to do
For you to leave me be?

You tell me
That you'll be by my side.
No matter what happens.

But I know
That the moment I show you my true self
You'll run away
Just like the others.

You tell me I'm beautiful
I cry and cry
But you never listen.

You come closer to me
Every time
I scream not to.

I'm dying
On the inside.

I'm falling apart.
And you being here
Watching this
As it happens
Makes it worse.

I know
That in this world
There's no such thing
As warmth

That there's no one
Who'll be there for you
When you need them the most.

So why should I trust you?
Why should I let you catch my fall?

Just stop.
And go away.

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Lovesick to death, black to death
Addicted to pain slowly killing me inside
I walk in this world alone talking to myself
On my lonesome I’m king of nothing but my failure
Depression I can’t seem to shack this pain

The world loves thing of beauty and intrigue
These two things I’ve never have known
Beauty, confidence, always passes me by
Couples and love I see as I walk all alone
I’ve lived with this damage to long

I cannot be molded a cannot control this
This feeling that’s always been in my heart
I’ve never done no wrong I don’t deserve these laws
If there’s any sins please god separate them from me heart
Take away that’s ugly in me

I walk alone in this coupled world
Maybe I don’t want to be found
Just let me die alone in peace
I’d rather die alone then live a pathetic lonely life

Why can’t they look at me and see what I see
Why can’t they feel like I feel
I never see them hurt
Why they can’t hurt like I hurt
Why must I die for you like your ugly to


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