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Insecurities
my insecurities are stalking me.
you're steeped in sickness but i fret over your unresponsiveness.
i feel like i need you more then you need me.
the voices of discontent grow louder in my head.
i want to believe your reasons are legitimate,
but the lies of past lover's leave me unconvinced.
i pick apart our time spent.
is there a deception i have missed tucked away among your perfect words?
a riddle or mystery waiting to be solved has emerged.
this has been an amazing journey,
but my daddy's words echo, "if it's too good to be true,
then he's probably lying to you"
my flaws are becoming prominent.
your concern for your own contentment grows.
you have your life all planned out and i'm not in it.
i'm a wildcard that only cast doubts.
you reassure me it'll be okay.
you tell me i have nothing to worry about
then why am i worried?
my feet cast shadows on the wall.
i watch my fears come out to play.
i don't know how to turn these lemons into lemonade.
i don't have the nerve to complain.
you explained yourself just yesterday,
but i'm still confused!
the pressure to be who you want gets to me.
i want to be who you think i am.
i hide the bitter, fearful, depressed parts of me.
i struggle every day to be half of who i am.
i don't want to ruin the illusions you have.
you are what i see i wish i could be more like you.
my insecurities are ready to overtake me.
just beyond my reach is sanity.
i must resist the urge to flip my lid.
there's questions i have that are unreasonable.
i keep waiting for my fears to fade, but know i now they are my friends.
this is how i protect my heart.
i freak out then fall apart!
